Tag Archives: afternoons

Pulling Myself Up

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A sunny March 15th. I think I shall live after all. I woke up feeling fine with just a small cough and not drowning in mucus. I can’t say enough how fine healthy feels. I was very worried for a few days. I am celebrating with a second cup of tea. Here’s to our health! I’m putting the ‘hard stuff’ behind me. I’m looking forward to spring and the new growing season. My onion seedlings are doing nicely. They’ve had their first haircut. The celery will need to be transplanted soon or they will get too leggy. In another week or so they can all be moved into the greenhouse.

However, afternoons are still tough for me. My energy and positivity vanished, replaced by a low grade depression. I hope it won’t last 2 years like Google says. Perhaps I should not call it a low grade depression or what is medically termed as Dysthymia. I certainly don’t think I need medication or professional help. I feel better alrlealdy by going out for a cup of tea and a bit of chocolate cake at the nearby bookstore. A change of scenery seemed to have chase the fatigue away. Now if I can totally get rid of this damn cold. If all the bad people involved in the Epstein Files get what they deserved and if Donald Trump get impeached, it would help my mental health alot. While I’m with the ifs, it would be nice if there was no fake news.

There are too many if(s). The world is a whole shit load of a mess. It’s hard not to get depressed. I need to get my head out of it. I need more mornings and less afternoons. I need to pull myself up by the bootstraps. I need to write different words and different thoughts. I can do it.

MONDAY, MONDAY

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Monday morning coming down. May 11th, the calendar pages are advancing. The sun is out shining bright. My day has started. Breakfast over and done with. I’ve shaped my sourdough loaves. They are chilling in the fridge. They can chill up to 24 hours. The longer they stay, the tastier and more stable they get. That is what they say. Maybe I will wait to bake them tomorrow morning and test out the theory.

My Sheba and I are growing old together. She has a little more white than I do. Her hips are worse off, too, giving her trouble these last couple of weeks. I try not to feel too bad or sad when I see her stumble. She still loves her walks and able to go up and down the deck stairs. There’s a few more things I can do to help her like doing range of motion on her hips. She’s content to let me massage and brush her, even on her backend. She is already on fish oils and glucosamine. I will try to wean a little weight off her. It will be a task as she loves food. I’m adding a little ground flax to her food and see if that will help. I hear that cumin is a good anti inflammatory. We will check with the vet.

Mornings are my best time. It is late afternoon. My mood and energy are sagging and dragging the floor. It is impossible to work on the hard stuff when I’m feeling thus. Bad habits are hard to break but I did get the kohlrabi and broccoli seedlings transplanted. They were beyond leggy and flopping over. Gardening has not been easy this year. I keep plodding along. I will be glad for my persistence and efforts come harvest time. I think of the reward to keep myself moving along.

Excuse my monotone. I’m struggling to finish this post. I find myself struggling with everything. I just have to take life in smaller bites and swallows these days. You wonder why I bother with my mutterings. Sometimes I wonder, too. But I’m the better for showing up here. It gives me order to my day. The rhythm of the keys tapping calms and soothes me. It gives me purpose. It records my moods, problems and helps me find workable solutions. It keeps me sane.

 

AFTERNOONS – DAY 268 in a year of….

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Day 268, April 22, 2017 @6:07 pm

A week has passed since I’ve been here. I’m doing the best I can. My Income Tax is done but not sent. Enough time left for that. I like to hang on to my money for just a little longer. I am not a fan of afternoons. It is rather funny since I was not a morning person naturally. Somehow I got converted. I wasn’t Catholic either but I converted to that, too. Goes to show anything is possible. But I am a somewhat inactive Catholic.

IMG_3530I feel and do the best mornings. There’s a rhythm when you get up. There’s an order to it. You dress, show up and do your stuff. Then noon comes. I am okay getting lunch on the plate and all that. It’s uphill after that. Sometimes getting the dishes done and things put away are monumentally difficult. I moan and groan inside. My body and brain hurts and I have to tend to each task one.at.a.time. I would like to drop everything. But a person can’t do that, can they? Surprisingly things do get done. I wonder how and why it feels hard. There’s no answers. I already take vitamins. Some days are harder than others.

I am tending to change how to tackle my afternoons so that I can enjoy them. What can I do different? Perhaps it is more my thinking that needs changing. Perhaps I don’t need to be thinking and doing so seriously all the time. I’ve been scheduling in a 40 minute body scan a couple of afternoons. The first time lasted only 22 minutes. Interrupted by the pesky dog barking. I was more successful today, having closed all the blinds so she can’t see people walking by. Having 40 minutes of nothing feels wonderful. I shall do that 2-3 afternoons a week.

My concentration is poor now. I will call it quits for now. Maybe I can show up again tomorrow with another thought for improving my afternoons.