About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

JUST DO IT!

Posted on October 4, 2022 by hafong

I hate it that I’m such a clutter bug. I’m always misplacing things. I waste alot of time and get into such a snit searching for the lost. They eventually are found. I’ve made many vows on doing better, getting organized with a place for everything. I don’t vow any more because so far that hasn’t worked. What I want to do is just DO IT! I can succeed if I do it a little, even just an inch at a time.

I had lost the clipper that I use in the greenhouse 2 days ago. I looked high and low. No success. It’s so annoying but I try to let it go after each search. I do try to figure out why it is so irksome when I have 3 other pairs I could use. I searched again this morning with no success. I tried not to mutter my irritation. No success either. The guy heard. He came back in on his way to his workshop to tell me he found my clippers in the greenhouse. They were under my work gloves. Sometimes we just need a different pair of eyes. Now I wish he could spot my root stimulating powder. But I’m not wasting more time in searching. The plant cuttings will have to root or not in water.

It looks like we are heading into some frosty temperatures in a couple of days. I will have to get my ass in gear and plant my bulbs this afternoon. I have to remind myself not to order any more bulbs next year. They know what they are doing when they send out fall seed catalogues in middle of summer. I am enticed with all those flowering bulbs. It seems like a such good idea when it is warm. Come late September when I get my shipment, I’m disgusted with myself. What was I thinking of? I am tired from all that planting, watering, weeding, harvesting and perserving. Then there’s the cleanup of plant material, chopping them up and throwing them into the compost bins. What I dislike the most is gathering up all the plant containers, trays and pots to put away.

No point in wasting time and energy disliking and procrastinating either. I better save them for doing the jobs at hand. I’ve just harvested my cabbage and the rest of the cayenne peppers. I’m defrosting lunch while I’m sipping my cuppa and finishing up here. Have a good day.

CONVERSATION WITH THE BEES

Posted on October 3, 2022 by hafong

It’s day 3 of this Ultimate Blog Challenge. My enthusiasm and energy is already waning. It is better if I get the challenge bit out of my head and write from the heart and for myself. I love these sunny warm October days. I want to sit on my backstep with my cuppa and talk to the bees all afternoon. They love the colour purple. First it was the chives in spring. Now it is the New England Aster. They’re hopping from purple blossom to purple blossom, like little helicopters. I wonder where they go in winter.

I could sit here all afternoon. Maybe I can show you around a little if you haven’t already seen my photos on FB or Instagram.

WHAT’S MY STORY

Posted on October 2, 2022 by hafong

October mornings are so beautiful once the sun has roused and shined her light upon us. I’m feeling at ease, basking in the sun’s warmth, tapping on my keyboard and sipping my second cup of tea. I love this morning ritual. A friend had introduced me to blogging in 2010. I started out at Blogger, posting photos and a few blurbs. It was a struggle as I was a late comer to the computer and the digital world. I was still lugging a camera with film when school kids had cell phones with cameras. It was frustrating but fun learning. I abandoned Blogger and my blog for a couple of years. Then I found WordPress, an easier fit for me.

I’ve created this writing space at the end of May 2012 – 10 years and 4 months ago when blogging was a rage. I’ve been writing, writing and still writing since, falling off now and again. I wrote flash fiction for Friday Fictioneers for a couple of years. It was a great supportive community for learning. I wrote fiction of 100 words. It suited me well. And checking back this morning, I’ve been doing the Ultimate Blog Challenge as early as April, 2014. I can remember missing just one challlenge – this past July. I guess I do have discipline and staying power.

In the beginning I had a lofty goal of writing a thousand words a day, hence the name of my blog. I dream of writing that great Chinese Canadian novel. I joined NaNoWriMo a couple of times. I soon discovered that it was all beyond me. I haven’t ever made the 1000 words at a single write yet. I am not crushed. I’ve come to my senses and just write – a sentence, a paragraph, whatever I am capable at the time. I’ve come back to my first goal – to write for the joy of it. I am not competitive but I can get hooked into it sometimes. I am paying attention, focusing on my first goal, not getting distracted, write, share and read at least the 2 must posts.

WHY AM I DOING THIS

Posted on October 1, 2022 by hafong

Good morning. Happy October 1st. There is no sunshine this morning. I will make my own. Today is the official first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve been warming up the past few days to ensure my success of showing up every day for the next 31 days. I’m no new comer. I’ve been doing the UBC for a number of years. I’ve missed only one, the last one, when I lost the joy and fun of it.

I’ve always written for the pleasure of putting words and pictures together – mostly for myself. I have no products to push. I do not promote my site but it’s such a pleasure and honour when someone finds my words worth reading. I’ve had my writing space since 2012. It’s a place I come to have conversations with myself to explore my inner landscape. It’s restful to tap out the letters, words and sentences. I love to see them marching across the screen. Thoughts without forms are elusive. They go round and round in the head, chasing each other, causing havoc. This way I am mapping out my thoughts. There’s direction. There’s order.

The Ultimate Blog Challenge is a good community to be in. It’s always better to have support and an audience. Even though we are an online community I can feel the presence and energy of the group. It’s always an adventure to meet and read someone new with different interests and slants on things. My goals for this time around is simple – write a post every day, obey the rules by reading the 2 posts before mine if I put mine in the thread, have fun and not get caught up in the itsy, bitsy hiccoughs of the challenge. Good luck to all of us. Happy writing.

MY DISCIPLINE MUSCLE And BLONDE

Posted on September 30, 2022 by hafong

Another gorgeous sunny day to end the month of September. It is a bit breezy. My hanging mandevillas are dancing in the wind. It is 10:08 am. I am a little lazy this morning, sipping on my second cup of tea. I’m exercising and building my discipline muscles of showing up here every day for the month of October. I will take it a month at a time. I’m not trying to win any Pulitzer prizes. I want to just show up and put in a good effort. It is good for my brain and mental health. It is an opportunity and a good outlet to chart on my challenges and results. I have many projects I’m working on. I have never made an effort of charting my progress, results and lessons learned. Now I can and will.

Have you seen the movie Blonde on Netflix? I totally agree with the critics’ reviews that it is “So Sexist,” “Cruel” and “One of the Most Detestable Movies” Ever Made. I felt abused, exploited and traumatized as if I was Marilyn herself. I do not know whether to advise to watch or not. You have to decide for yourself. It was educational in seeing the kind of world we have lived in then and the world of today. Marilyn Monroe died on August 5, 1962. JFK died November 22, 1963. It’s been 60 years and she is still being abused and exploited. I thought it was a very disrespectful way JFK was portrayed even though he was an outrageous womanizer. We live in a very vulgar world.

Though a painful watch, it was educational for me. It brought back memories of those years when times were lean and women didn’t have much recognition or opportunities to work outside the home. It was hard to be independent without a husband. It was hard to be heard and get help. If you were having a difficult time, suffering poor health, you’re apt to get a valium, librium or a hysterectomy if an immediate/obvious cause was found. I’m feeling grateful some things have improved even though there’s probably still Harvey Weinsteins out there.

TRUTHS, FACTS, COMMUNITY

Posted on September 29, 2022 by hafong

Truths and facts can be ugly. The news is ugly. It is wise not to watch it before bedtime but it happens. I felt overwhelmed by our post pandemic and climate changed world – Hurricane Fiona, Hurricane Ian, flooding in Pakistan. The healthcare segment finally did me in. I had to turn it off. It was too late. My body and mind have already absorbed the sounds, images and energy. They disrupted my already disruptive autumnal sleep. While I did sleep and got up my usual 3 times, I could not get back to sleep the last time. Each time I woke with the same ‘sad‘ emotion. I call it sad for lack of a better word.

So beware of how and what you take to bed with. They will come back to haunt you. I’ve been clearly aware of it now. It’s a little too late but it’s better never recognizing it. I am suffering a little from my poor sleep but I put in lots of effort and my best foot forward. My day was pretty good. I accomplished the impossible by clearing my cluttered diningroom table. When company is coming, I can move mountains. If I was more social, I would do it more often. But I am not so I should just respect the person that I am and not strive for the impossible.

Our company, a member of our community garden, was delightful. We shared a glass of chokecherry wine the guy made. I brought out my zucchini muffins. We shared much conversation and stories. She played a few tunes on my piano and inspired me to practice again. It was a delightful afternoon. Though she is 90 and had recently lost her husband, she is still interested in being part of the community garden. And we would gladly help if she needed some. After all, we are about community.

ENOUGH AND MORE

Posted on September 28, 2022 by hafong

September 28th. The morning is dark as can be at 6. It’s hard to bounce out of bed with enthusiasm and start the day. I linger awhile in the warmth of my dark cocoon. We have had a good stretch of summer and sunshine. The memory of early sunrises is still fresh on my mind. Now it is time for nature, myself included, to slow down and rest. It is the time to have and savour a second cup of tea.

The sun is out now at almost 8 am, flooding my space with its cool autumny light. Summer is not willing to go yet. The forecast promises a day of sunshine and a high of 28℃. I shall use today to clear and put the garden to bed. No need or use to hang on to every little squash or whatever until the cold bitter frost. I can learn to use the word enough instead of more. I need to gather, clean and put away my gardening tools. Then there’s all the plant pots, trays and crop covers strewn here and there. I have never been good at picking up and putting things away. It’s never too late to learn. It’s much more conducive to work and clean up in sunshine and warmth.

That is my plan for the day. I have a two hour online class after lunch from the University of Saskatchewan on our post pandemic world. It is enough. From experience I work best in small and enough instead of big, more and better. This is enough, too.

BEGINNINGS

Posted on September 27, 2022 by hafong

Beginnings are hard and uncomfortable. Even though I want to start, I do all kinds of evasions, mental and physical. I second guess and doubt myself. Is it a good time to start? I put it off to tomorrow what I can start today. And by now everyone must know the saying, Tomorrow never comes. It is also true that what you don’t use, you lose. I have lost some of my writing muscle. It’s been 7 days since I’ve come to this space. Where once it had been easy to show up every day, now it is difficult to show up even weekly. It is the reason I’ve decided to join in the Ultimate Blog Challenge for October. I want to develop and maintain my discipline muscle. I know it is not October yet. I’m not putting off what I can start today. I’m doing my warmups and stretching for the days ahead.

I’ve always love the sounds and nuances of words. They paint pictures the same way photos paint words for me. Putting the two together in a post is art for me. I love the process. I have not been nurturing the process this past year. Somehow it got lost in this new and bewildering climate I find myself in. I’ve become mindless and lazy. It has been so easy to lose myself in technology and the digital and not think for myself. But I am a curious person by nature and could not stay in my robotic mode. Perhaps September and the autumn colours are the stimulus. Once again I am excited by new things to see and learn. I am back in the school of life.

FOR NO REASON

Posted on September 20, 2022 by hafong

I have days when I fall into foul and dark moods for no explicable reasons. I’ve never questioned the validity of my feelings till lately. When I asked myself, Why do I feel so angry and pissed off? I could find no good reason. A poor sleep aggravates my dourness greatly. Faced with that knowledge, I had to ask myself a more important question. How do I get myself out of this fix?

It’s not good to sit with these feelings. They tend to mushroom and grow bigger and darker. One of the ways that works for me is coming to this writing space to air my angst, known and unknown ones. The rhythmic tapping on the keyboard soothes and smooths the wrinkles in my brain. I’m flossing my nervous system. If flossing works for sciatica and other conditions, it should work for my brain angst, too. Of course the exercise technique is different for each malady. It’s up to me to pay attention to what works for me.

I’m able to come out of myself a bit tapping for a solution to a problem. My attention, thoughts and feelings are redirected to a different direction. I’m not locked in. It’s not just about me. The world is a big place. There is the whole universe. The Queen has died. While I am not a royal follower, I enjoyed watching her committal service on YouTube. I was fascinated by the colours and pageantry and it’s happened in my life time. It’s quite remarkable. It really brought me out of the doldrums. How could I stay immuned to life and joy watching it all? I might sound paradoxical since it was a funeral. But to me it was a joyful celebration of a life well lived.

I do not have to understand why I fall into my moods. Usually I blame the weather and how it changes. It’s better than blaming myself. The important thing is being aware of : 1)When do they happen? 2)Can I avert them? 3)What can I learn from them? 4)Are they all bad? I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have my moods. How boring life would be if there was no ups and downs, with just one flat line. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a fan of bungee jumping or skydiving.

UNPUGGLING

Posted on September 15, 2022 by hafong

I’ve been feeling bitchy and grouchy as hell of late. I haven’t been my old positive I can conquer the world self for a long time. Instead, I am quite critical, pessimistic and cynical. I don’t like this version of myself at all. I rather liked my old Pollyanna-ish, I believe in everything and everybody self. But Polly doesn’t live here anymore. There is no way of getting her back. I try not to act out on my inner feelings but to dissipate them on the keyboard. I don’t want to infect my immediate environment with my negativity. If turning off a malfunctioning device works, might it not work for me? In the words of Ann Lamott:

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

I shall unplug my overworking brain and sympathetic system or is it the parasympathetic system as best I can. Just like I can’t handle too many people in my life, I can’t handle alot of activity. I would like to be a party girl because party girls seem to have so much more fun. Alas, I am not built that way. However much I envy all their popularity, glammer and glitter, I hate it. I love alone, quiet and seemingly boring stuff. I love the time here, rhymically tapping out the keys, finding the words and sentences. It has been a long time since I fell in love with a new word though. The last one was copacetic a million years ago. I haven’t used it for the same amount of time. What has happened to me?

I guess Covid hasn’t helped but I can’t lay the whole blame on it. It brought many changes. Well, it stopped us/me in our tracks. It is certainly making me think of the global world and how we have been living. It’s too big a topic to discuss right here, right now. Maybe I can post some thoughts after I have finished my online course on “Imagining a Post Pandemic World” from the University of Saskatchewan. It’s wonderful how much technology has advanced that I have the option of taking this class without having to catch a bus or find parking if I drive. On the other hand, I believe technology has helped to decrease my attention span. I want things to happen faster and faster. Now I have little patience in sitting through and watching a long instructional/educational video. It’s a Catch-22.

For now I am appreciating the positives of technology. It gives me the ability to sit here and have this conversation. My tapping soothes my brain and I am able to unplug parts of it that are fussing and fretting over the small bugs in my life. I am able to suspend critiquing and passing judgement on myself. Instead my thoughts have been otherwise engaged, even if just for a short while. It’s a good rest.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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