About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

UBC Day 16 & 17 – The world is Flat

Posted on July 17, 2023 by hafong

These days, I am hard pressed to feel the joie de vivre. The world/life feels rather flat. However, the jukebox in my head is still playing happy tunes. It helps that it’s sunny even though it is a cool morning. I’m having a second cup of tea and tapping a few words. They no longer come easily or bring the pleasure they once did. I’m having to work at it. They do bring some satisfaction as I see them slowly marching across the screen.

Meanwhile, in between ideas, words and paragraphs, bread is in the making. I’m in the process of the first rising. When I look at it, making bread is much like building a post. It can be complicated and daunting till you get familiar and make a regular habit of it. Then everything becomes second nature, intuitive and the thing builds itself. It becomes a comforting process, ironing out the wrinkles and stress of everyday life.

Now, the water, yeast and flour have become dough. It is poofing in the oven for an hour or until I’m ready to punch it down and shape them into the loaf pans. There is no hurry. Meanwhile, I’m having another cuppa and process some thoughts and words that came whilst kneading dough. They are elusive and fleeting. If I don’t tap them down, they will be lost. They are rather important insights which will help me have an easier and happier life.

It’s taken me this long, a lifetime, to fully understand the concept of not taking anything personal and letting go. It finally dawned on me this summer that when I’m hanging on to perceived hurts and wrong doings by others, I’m only hurting myself. Those ‘others’ don’t give a shit. They’ve moved on and having a merry old time with their lives. Meanwhile, I’m wasting time and energy embroiled in my own toxic emotions, solving nothing and harming myself. But until I had this moment of clarity, I could not let go.

The loaves are baking in the oven. I’m almost finished here. Wrapping up, I have to say I’m grateful for this space. It’s worth the struggle to put words onto the page. It keeps me somewhat sane and healthy. Now I see that the world is not flat. So I will struggle on.

UBC Day 14 & 15 – Wabi Sabi, Repeat

Posted on July 15, 2023 by hafong

I am here again, trying to stay afloat in this writing challenge. I’m feeling like Bill Murray in the movie, Groundhog Day, waking up to the same tune on the radio every morning and to the same morning over and over again. That was my take on the word repeat for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I figure it’s a good prompt to write on as well. When I am stuck, I’ll use anything for a springboard. Word(s) can paint a picture in my mind’s eye. Conversely, a picture can evoke a story. Word and photo prompts work for me.

I’m feeling I’m in some horror movie these days, waking up to the same cloudy and smokey morning. It was still dark at 6 am. It is only July 15th. Too early for fall. It stayed like that most of the day till now at almost 8 pm. The clouds and smoke are just lifting. There’s a weak display of sun. I had to go out and tap my kitchen window shut to keep the smoke out earlier in the day. It had shifted and I could not properly close it. The kitchen was quite smokey. I hope tomorrow brings better things – more sun, less smoke.

The world looks and feels apocalyptic. It’s either fire or flood somewhere in the world. I hear James Taylor singing his song:

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again

In these weird climatic change times, it’s difficult for me to appreciate wabi sabi, the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and impermance. Wabi sabi is another prompt from my DYICAD challenge. I thought my parsnips made an excellent demonstration of the imperfect and impermanent. Having looked at their strange shapes for awhile, I have to confess they are rather beautiful with their tangles of long and curly roots. And they were delicious in my beef stew of many ingredients.

Since life is full of things that can’t be changed, it is helpful to adopt the wabi sabi outlook. It is much better to look for and study the beauty in the bleak, ugly and lonely that is our present world than being stuck in the muck. It would be a change instead of repeating over and over the same old that have not worked before.

UBC Day 12 & 13 – Fighting Trivia

Posted on July 14, 2023 by hafong

Trivia by definition according to Oxford Languages are: ‘details, considerations, or pieces of information of little importance or value’. Even so, I sometimes find myself hooked and submerged in them, unable to let go. What is it about them that is so intriguing? The only answer I can come up with is that there is no answer. I find that unacceptable. Having no reason/answer drives my reptilian brain crazy. You must know by now that I’ve been berserk for many years. There MUST be a reason! has been my battle cry.

I am falling behind this round of writing challenge. It is already the end of day 14 and I am tapping at a snail’s pace to finish this post. I have to admit I have been distracted by the trivia rule breaking in this challenge. It took awhile for all that to be resolved. And I wondered and wondered the whys of it all. It took away time and energy from my writing. And so here I am, late in the evening, trying to finish what I had started.

I was tempted to abandon ship but thought better of it. This is a good learning opportunity for me – to finish what I start, not to let trivia steal my time and energy. I don’t have to understand everything. I just need to understand what my goals are and the steps to reach them. I don’t have to be perfect, but to do my best.

UBC Day 11 – Morning Chit Chat

Posted on July 11, 2023 by hafong

The cool cloudy morning of today has a feel of autumn instead of early July. I have a sense that our earth is very much at risk. I feel very vulnerable and powerless. Lately, I’ve felt a loss of interest in many things. It frightened me a little until I did a quick inventory of things that I still enjoy, like writing for the July Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am still enthralled with ideas, putting them into words and finding photographs to illustrate them. Then there’s the DYICAD, Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I create an index card art inspired from a word prompt. It’s fun, relaxing and doesn’t take much time.

Grey, cool mornings like this make me wistful and lonesome for the good old days and the way things used to be. But probably they are false impressions created by time lapsed. Things always seem rosier in our memories than in reality. So I will sigh no more for things past. Perhaps I shall make a cup of hot chocolates, curl up and read a few pages of Where the Crawdads Sing to warm the cockles of my heart. I’ve already seen the movie and loved it. The story, cinematography and dialogue were wonderful. I’m quite surprise to see so many bad reviews for the book on Goodreads.

UBC Day 10 – Resolves and Excuses

Posted on July 10, 2023 by hafong

I had intentions of showing up here in the morning. I had intentions of going to the gym this morning. I’ve done neither. So much for intentions and resolves. My desire for the gym dissolved quickly with thoughts of a day of cuppa and relaxing on the deck. I didn’t do that either. I stepped out to the garden and that was it. The morning was gone. It has been hot with no rain for awhile. The haskaps were drooping and looking poorly. We were fortunate our rain catchment still had enough water to water the 3 haskap and cherry bushes. Even though I took care with putting the netting over them, the birds can still get in. I found one flopping around in it and took a bit to help it out. Even though the berries are under the branches and not easily visible to us, they can still detect them. If not for the netting, there would be no fruit for us.

One thing always lead to another. I had to check the tomatoes for suckers and that they are clipped adequately to the trelis. The Big Beefs are big like their name and getting weighty. They must be in their sweet spot. Most of the plants are sporting 15 fruits so far. It’s a strange growing season. It’s still early July and they’re so advanced. I have one Roma tomato ripe and ready to eat. Meanwhile our garlic was harvested yesterday and drying in the shed.

Then I had to check the raised beds. The greens bed was overgrown with kale and Swiss Chard. There’s only so much 2 people can consume. It was hard but I thinned out quite a bit. They’re now compost. The spinach met the same fate as they’ve flowered and gone to seed. It all freed up some room for a second crop of cabbage. Meanwhile the new little gem lettuce is looking quite nice. I’m a happy camper.

New cabbage planted in with the lettle, kale and Swiss Chard

I could go on but it is almost 2 pm. I have laundry to hang and our plots in the community garden to water. Enough is enough. Tomorrow is another day.

UBC DAY 9 – Changing Routines/Feelings

Posted on July 9, 2023 by hafong

It’s morning and I’m at my keyboard. I’m trying to see if changing the time I do things will change my success. I’m still harbouring some of my ‘ill feelings’ of last evening. In my mind’s eye, I can see that it is of no benefit to me. It is what is meant by shooting oneself in the foot. I surely don’t want to do that. I’m learning to let go and change the way I feel. Changing either will not be an easy task. Habits and feelings have deep roots. And it is easy to go the way of the well known rut. I will probably still shoot myself in the foot many times in the process. But now I am aware.

Do I want to succeed or not? Do I want to feel better or not? These are the questions I have to ask myself frequently to keep on track when I revert back to the old ways. The small start I made here earlier is giving me a springboard for more. Even though I was interrupted by breakfast and watering the garden, the threads are still there. I just have to gather them up and weave them together. In the meantime they had time to develop more in the back of my mind.

I’m thinking it might not be a bad idea to incorporate other little changes during this writing challenge. It could be fun and help develop a new and better neural network. I’m putting it to a test right off. Instead of my usual cuppa Orange Pekoe or decaf coffee, I’m sipping fresh chocolate mint right from my herb spiral. The other day I tried the ‘weed’ plantain. It was quite pleasant. Last night I sipped bitter melon to dispel the bitterness in my soul. Whether it will work is another matter but I do like the bitter taste. I have quite a few of the plants growing in the greenhouse. I have endless supply of leaves for tea. There’s quite a few fruits developing, too. In the morning, the fragrance of their blooms is heavenly. Bitter fruit from sweet blossoms. Is that the same as no mud, no lotus?

UBC Day 8 – Daily Struggle

Posted on July 8, 2023 by hafong

I got caught by the procrastination bug. I am now just sitting down to my keyboard. It was easier to delay than fight my lassitude. Now time is running out. It is a must or bust. Can I write something out of nothing? Things seem to work better mornings. I work better mornings. My head is better, free of the day’s debris. Why is it that I don’t do my writing in the morning?

Though I can face a blank index card, draw and paint a picture, it’s harder with works and a blank screen. So I dilly dally, fooling, telling myself I will get to it after this and that. By the time when I’m finally here, the ideas and thoughts I had are gone. I am left scratching my head, moaning ‘why didn’t I do this sooner.’ It is worth remembering that old wise saying ‘No use crying over spilt milk.’

I am not crying but feeling rather ‘unfriendly’ and ‘unpleasant’. It is apt that I’m sitting here sipping bitter melon tea. It is pleasant and cool out here on the deck and still fairly light at 9:30 in evening. I shall sit here with the evening and listen to the Saturday night traffic for awhile. Though it is frustrating, I do love the struggle of writing. What a miracle it is to have words to spill onto the page/screen. They can paint pictures and feelings. They can tell stories. Where would we be without them?

UBC DAY 6 & 7 – It Will Work Out

Posted on July 7, 2023 by hafong

It pays to come to the keyboard daily. I took a day off yesterday and delayed today. Here I am finally with not a word or idea. But it will work out somehow because I can’t publish or share a blank post. My excuse was I was tired and a little off yesterday and still so today. It was easy to give in and lose myself in a John Grisham novel, Gray Mountain. I thoroughly enjoyed the book. It was an easy to read and hard to put down. I am quite surprised to find so many negative reviews on Goodreads.

I’m not sure taking a day off from my routine was a good idea. I felt more ‘off’ having done so. Routines are so grounding. I’m working to find my way back to them. When I’m feeling lost, I can always find myself in the garden. So that’s where I spent most of today. I have alot of garden. It took most of the morning just watering the tomatoes and squash, filling the 3 raised garden beds in the backyard and 3 in the front. I spent the afternoon watering and weeding the flower beds. Then there’s the greenhouse and the main garden. There’s no lack of work. I enjoy it all once I get started. There is satisfaction seeing the results and a guarantee of a good night’s sleep from the physical labour.

UBC DAY 5 – Pink Elephant

Posted on July 5, 2023 by hafong

Besides this writing challenge, I’m halfway through the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Ch allenge. I’ve been doing that for a few years with very smooth sailing this year. Words conjure up pictures and pictures evoke words. It creates a very happy creative space for me. I’m working a day ahead with the word prompt ‘imaginary‘. The picture that popped up in my head was a pink elephant. We all know that the only pink elephants that exist are in our imagination/hallucination. We can’t really see it but we surely feels the weight of it. Yet most of us do not speak of it.

I’m a bit of an exception, being contrary and all that. My experiences of pointing out the pink elephant in the room have been all negative. It did not help one tiny bit but caused friction and rift in my relationships. My advice is to just paint them. Do not address them verbally. Just know that all the parties are aware of that pink elephant in the room. Being wiser now, if I see a pink elephant I would walk out and go into a different room.

UBC Day 4 – Disconnect and Distress

Posted on July 4, 2023 by hafong

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I think I was premature in saying that I’m doing well inspite of the weather. I should be careful in speaking too soon. Shortly after that, things happened. Our Wifi and landline went kaputs. Also our TV since it’s on Wifi. But we had our cellphones and that’s how we could call our provider for help. It wasn’t all that easy to connect with them. When we did, we learned that they couldn’t come till Friday, which was 4 days away. I didn’t know how addicted I was to be connected 24/7. I didn’t know I could get so distressed. Life hadn’t changed except that I couldn’t get Internet and watch TV. I still have a phone. But I felt like I was in a vacuum, closed in and jittery.

I must say that our provider has some very kind and able workers. They gave us extra data on our phone so that we could use the Hotspot to access the Internet and how to use it. They moved our appointment up a day. I think she heard me say that I could go crazy by Friday. The best news was they phoned back to say they had a cancellation and someone came today. Everything was fixed in a very short time. The technician gave me some helpful technical pointers. So Yay! I felt so much better that the TV was on for background noise. I felt part of the world again.

This experience made me realize how vulnerable and dependent we are on technology. What if the whole system crashed and everyone was out of service. I can’t imagine a multitude of people like me going bonkers and twitching at the same time. I think I will try to schedule regular technology-free days to calm myself and disengage from this rat race. I feel very much like a kid who has to push every button he sees. What did we do before when there was no cellphones, Wifi, computers and Internet?

Oh, yes, I still blame the weather. Today is cloudy and even cooler than yesteray. I am wearing fleece. At least I haven’t turn on the furnace. It is July, isn’t it?

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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