Monthly Archives: April 2025

Where Did It Go?

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Going to the gym is another ice breaker to start the day . It’s a habit now. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I would grab my gym bag and head for the door. It helps that somebody else is going, too and doing the driving. It makes it simple and easy. Of course there are times the habit is broken. The time getting back depends on how long I’ve lapsed. Good Friday is not a good enough reason to skip though the temptation is there.

I am sorely tempted to change my website again. I might just press the button after I post this and let things fall where they may. They say curiosity kills a cat. Well, it is killing me and I am wasting time wondering about it. It’s not that anything will get broken, right? It could mess things up but how else can a person learn?

Did I say it’s Good Friday? Sunday is Easter. Time is marching speedily along. I haven’t lost faith but I haven’t felt the reverence and holiness of this time for a long while. I miss it and wonder how I can get it back. It’s been a difficult year of losses. But I am also filled with gratitude for the life that I have and for our world with all its wonders. Of course, there are troubles. There always will be. It’s for us to work together and solve them.

Staying With It

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Thursday, April 17. Day 17 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I took a rest day yesterday. I was busy and did not feel the need of ‘I must.’ I took a rest from my 100 days of teacups and April Love as well. Now I must jump back on the bandwagon. No easy task.

A rest sometimes leads to more and more rest. Pretty soon, it’s “Oh, what the heck. Do I really need this?” So I am curbing that urge and getting on with things. I’ve already mopped the kitchen floor and washed the breakfast dishes. It’s my way of breaking the ice in the morning. Now, I’m on my second cup of tea. Lunch will be a salad, garlic ribs and rice. The hard decision made for the day.

I have an urge to work on changing the theme for this website. I will resist the urge, remembering my goal of keeping things easy and simple for April. Messing around will no doubt waste a lot of energy and time. I need that time for the garden, coffee with my father, clearing some of my mother’s things and filing my income tax. That tax thing always sits heavy on my mind every year. I should just get over it. 13 days left till the deadline. Yikes!

No More Sad Stories

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Another new day. Again I am in danger of being distracted and avoiding doing the most hard thing, the writing of this post. I’ve washed the breakfast dishes and chased the mop over the kitchen floor. Mary Oliver’s poem caught my eye this morning.

“You don’t want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don’t want to tell it, I want to listen

to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

And anyway it’s the same old story – – –
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

Mostly, I want to be kind.
And nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.

And nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.

(from, Dogfish)”

It reminds me of Caroline Myss’ teaching of woundology. Here’s AI’s overview of what it is:

“Caroline Myss coined the term “woundology” to describe the phenomenon of individuals becoming overly identified with their emotional wounds, hindering their healing and growth. It’s the process where people create an identity based on their wounds, whether physical, emotional, or social, and become stuck in that state, unable to move beyond them.“

I am slowly learning. This hard task is finished. There’s more waiting in the wings. I suspect there always will be. Life!

Distraction and Avoidance

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Though I’ve read alot of self help books, it hasn’t helped at all in the area of procrastination. I’m easily distracted. Instead of doing the most difficult thing first, which is writing this post, I’ve wandered through the pages of Psychology Today Magazine, the November issue. What caught my interest in the first place was an article on Do the Most Difficult Thing First.

The important points being:

  • Do the difficult things first so that you don’t procrastinate and make it hard when it’s not.
  • Do the hard thing first so it no longer feels hard.
  • Do the difficult thing as early as possible in life so that when real hardship comes, it is tolerable.
  • Make the difficult thing meaningful. Avoidance is a hallmark of perfectionism. “If I don’t make a move, I won’t make a mistake“, is my very thought. Sometimes I hold my breath thinking it.

Avoidance is thought central to anxiety and depression. It can prevent us from developing resilience and coping mechanisms in times of stress. Luckily the same issue offers help in 9 Ways to Overcome Adversity. This issue is a good read with many interesting and helpful articles. I am not sorry I was distracted. I will put them into active use.

A Bootstrap Morning

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An overcast April morning on this 13th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s 4 ℃. Most of the snow is gone from the yard. It is 15.2°C in the greenhouse. I’m feeling a bit like puddling on the floor. I don’t. This is one of those pulling myself up by the bootstraps morning. I picture myself whooshing up from the floor, standing stall and ready to tackle the day.

I chased the mop quickly across the kitchen floor, and dusted a few very dusty surfaces. The soup is souping in the Instant Pot. Now I am flexing my fingers on the keyboard. It doesn’t always make me feel better to journal. Sometimes I feel worse. But I suppose it’s better than holding it all inside. And so I continue to write my morning pages, write a post here, do my daily teacup drawings for the #100dayproject and try for a photo for April Love 2025. I’ve been succeeding most days. I don’t aim for perfection. I aim for easy and simple.

It is the showing up that is the challenge. I’ve adopted Regina Brett’s motto for many years now. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. If I don’t show up for my life, who will?                        

Make Someone Happy

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April 12th, not yet halfway mark for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is almost 6 months since my mother’s passed. I’ve muddled through it the days, weeks and months. Life does not stop. The world keeps spinning and us with it. My father has done well with little melt downs here and there. The other day I had to remind him that mom is in a better place. She is not suffering any more. He said, but I am.

What can I say to that except that he is not the only one and that he has to find his own way to feel happiness. He, then, said there are no more happy days. I do see his point but being the person that I am, I preached a little. I do believe that no matter how dark we feel, each day we wake up is a gift. I told him that I do not know how to make him happy. I don’t need to tell him that we support him. My sister and I see him every day and takes him to his doctor appointments and outings. My brother takes him for his lab works, lunches and supper with his family every week. He does all the snow shovelling, yard and garden work. He does his grocery shopping and fixes whatever needs fixing in the house.

I reminded my father that he is doing remarkably well at 93. He has all his wits. He is still looking after and cooking for himself. He doesn’t pee or poop his pants. He can still walk, can get in and out of the tub by himself. I pointed out that he can and has changed for the better. He is talking to us now. I reminded him that it has not been easy for us when he has not talked much with us in the past. I told him I appreciate hearing his stories and family history that I’ve never heard before.

I must give my father credit for bouncing back quickly and sadness passed another time.

Goals

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It is a later morning, Day 11 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. We’re only a third into the month. It’s still a long way to the finish line. It’s still a big challenge. My goal is to finish. The only way to do that is to keep going, keep moving, keep typing, keep on talking, keep on and on…as best as I can. There’s really no easy way. I have to move and work hard.

No two days are equal. Some days are easier and harder than others. I do like challenges and having goals. It’s good to have some inspiration and guidance. Benjamin Franklin’s list of 13 virtues seemed worthy of effort. I would modify them to make them do-able. I do not think I am able to imitate Jesus or Socrates.

  1. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.
  2. Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.
  3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
  4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
  5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. waste nothing.
  6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.
  7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
  8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
  9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
  10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes or habitation.
  11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
  12. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
  13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

It’s Never Too Late

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It’s day 10 for the April Ultimate Blog Challenge. This time around, I have learned that it’s better to come to the keyboard early rather than later. My brain is still fresh, not yet polluted by the day and negative thoughts. Mid afternoons are my worse time for being like a puddle on the floor. But it’s never too late to rouse oneself and start. I was inspired by Diane Friedman, who started competing in track and field in her mid 70’s. And she was competing and setting records at 100 years old.

What an inspiration, eh? It gave my derriere a boost out of the muddle and start moving. Just when I thought I couldn’t, I could. Even though it was late, late afternoon yesterday and I was a limp rag, I roused myself enough to bake 18 pumpkin muffins with walnuts and chocolate chips. So you see, it is never too late. The impossible can be possible.

Choosing Joy

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Things don’t flow easily for me and joy doesn’t come naturally. And so I have to make choices and work at making them come true. I have never sung in the shower. It’s hard to bounce out of bed in the morning. I felt stuck to the mattress. I didn’t want to stay there all day so I had to choose to unstick and hoist myself out. I didn’t really want to go to the gym either. But I knew it was good for what’s ailing me. I chose not to dwell on my ‘feelings’ and went.

In the past, I have allowed my emotions to rule the roost. Now having lived through many ups, downs and sideways, I have more experience and better control. I am in the driver’s seat and can decide whither I shall go – most of the time. I don’t want to keep falling into Portia Nelson’s hole in the street. I walk down another street called joy.

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

To My Younger Self

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I’m a week into the April Ultimate Blog Challenge. So far, so good but I’m hitting that sticking spot of what to write next. I’m also into April Love 2025 photo challenge on FB and Instagram. Yesterday’s word prompt, bucket list worked in getting me started. So I’ll see if the prompt, to my younger self works today as well.

It’s not easy to address myself. If I was to have a conversation with my younger self, I would tell her not to be so serious all the time. I would tell her that she is a child and this is her time to play, make mistakes and learn. I would tell her she’s not all that powerful, that not everything is her fault. She is not responsible for the world, everybody and everything in it.

It’s not easy to offer love and compassion to oneself. It’s even harder to forgive. I hold myself to a higher measuring stick than others. But if I could, I would tell my younger self I love her and am proud of all her efforts. I would tell her to take things as they come. Make it simple. Make it easy. It will all turn out.