Monthly Archives: November 2020

FOR BODY AND SPIRIT

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For Body and Spirit

It’s almost that bewitching hour again. But it is not quite 5 pm. I’m 20 minutes earlier today. The sun is gone. It was lovely while it shone. I basked in its warmth this morning. I walked in its brightness this afternoon. I couldn’t waste all my minutes to Covid distress. The daily numbers of positives remain high. Today it is 153 in a population of a million and some. I try to do all the positives to remain healthy, vibrant and strong in body and spirit.

Sometimes it is a hard call as to what is the proper thing to do. For instance, this morning I wasn’t feeling my best. I had trouble laying down to sleep last night because of a cough. Most likely it was due to a post nasal drip as I have seasonal allergy and sinus problems. And I just had my 2nd shingles vaccine yesterday. But how do I know for sure? I had to get up and use my nasonex spray. It did helped and I was able to get back to sleep. However, I didn’t feel really super in the morning.

I attributed it to my shingles vaccine. I could have flu like symptons. My arm ached though not as bad as from my first shot in September. I still wanted to go to my gym class but should I? I don’t want put others at risk. I thought about taking a tylenol but then it would mask a fever if I had one. I decided that I have been well all along. I would go to the gym. My temperature would be taken. I could decide then. I no longer have a cough.

To make a long story short, I did go to my exercise class. My temperature was 36.5, pretty non-feverish. I will keep my swim date in the morning if I still feel ok from the vaccine. I feel better if I can keep my exercise routines. If I can’t do much, I can do less. 30 minutes will suffice. The water will be soothing. Moving my arms will help. My arm is aching now, so I will take that tylenol.

COMMITTED – MUST DELIVER

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Comitted – Must Deliver

Today is one of those days. I don’t have too much to say or show. Another sun-less day. It snowed quite a bit though. It made everything harder to do, psychologically if not physically. But I did my list. Well, I had an appointment to get my second shingles shot. I had to show up. I had phoned my mother that I would be out and about today. Does she need any groceries? And I told her that I would pick up some dim sim for lunch. I was committed. I had to deliver. That’s the way to get things done.

Decisions or indecisions can be so exhausting, too. I had wavered back and forth about everything. Should I go for my vaccine before it gets too Covid crazy? Was today a good day? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked my mother if she needed groceries or about dim sim. Maybe it was too much for one day. Then there’s the difficulty of picking from the menu. Of course, I worried too much about everything. I was tired before the day started. It will probably happen again. But I will be ok again.

I’m happy the day is over. I can let everything go. I don’t have to knock myself out. Like Scarlet said, Tomorrow is another day. Let it snow!

CHRISTMAS IN NOVEMBER

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Christmas in November

Gosh, it is already 5 o’clock in the afternoon. I did not go for my afternoon walk. No sun today. It’s been foggy and dreary – like a cup of weak tepid tea. I did get my exercise this morning at the YWCA. My enthusiasm was a little dampened by the rising numbers of Covid positives in our province. It’s difficult not to be affected by bad news. But I’m still doing well considering. I once thought I reigned supreme among the depressives. I was always reading books and taking workships on beating the damn thing. My shelves are full of self-help books. Maybe that is the reason I’m still standing. They have helped after all.

I’ve just gave myself a Christmas present – a year’s subscription to Permaculture Magazine U.K. I’ve been watching alot of gardening videos on YouTube by Huw Richards. I was a little put off by his accent at first but then I got charmed by his good manners and looks. He’s very informative and a good presenter. I can’t wait to get my first copy in the mail. On top of that, I have digital access to their past 28 issues. This is Christmas in November.

We finally got a remote temperature/humidity sensor for the greenhouse. Now I don’t have to trot out to check every time. We can see what the temperature is over the 24 hours of the day. I can see that it is 0 degrees now (5:30) in the greenhouse. I have given up on growing anything there till end of February. But who knows? It’s our first year and the weather now is unpredictable. Meanwhile, I can observe the temperature and weather patterns. I can study what other gardeners are doing elsewhere. There’ll be seeds to order soon.

I do still have a little viable garden inside my sunroom. My herbs are doing very well. The lettuce has germinated in just a few days. I might have to transplant them into other pots as they are a little leggy. I wish the sun would come out but it looks like we’re having more snow tomorrow. That’s November for you. It’s a dreary month. But I have a room full of colourful blooms to cheer me.

WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT IT

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What’s So Hard About It

I wish that I could come to my keyboard at an earlier time in the day. But then I haven’t lived my day yet, so how can I write about it? So I continue to struggle on. It will make a better woman out of me. I get thrown off by the least little thing. I was going to do dim sim takeout and have it with my parents for lunch today. I even had phoned them last night about it. This morning I remembered that the restaurant is closed on Tuesdays. It was such a good plan. The guy was out of town. It was a good reason to have lunch with my parents. My mother does not give me many opportunities to do something for them. I will try again on Thursday when I will be out and about. I have their grocery list. She will let me do that.

I’m a little miffed to be thrown off by such a little thing. But it does throw a monkey wrench in my brain chemistry. Obviously I am not handling change in plans well. I dither here and there through the morning, not getting much done. I wonder if I’ve been like this all my life or has my brain been changed by technology. I decided not to fight against my nature too much and to proceed as best as I can. I drank more tea and watched a bunch of videos on gardening. They were quite useful. I am learning more about extending the growing season, succession planting, crops to sow in August, etc. Do you know that you can make tea from the avocado pit? The pit is supposed to be full of goodness.

It’s after 6 pm, waiting for supper. The day is gone – just like that! But I did get out and did a 4 block walk. The day has been cloudy and fogging, not adding to my serotonin uptake. It’s been a very slow uphill climb. But I still did all those difficult hard jobs – taking out the garbage, sorted out my box of seeds, matched my receipts to my latest credit card bill. The dishes were very hard today. I closed my eyes but they didn’t go away. I do wonder why things are hard to do. I haven’t discovered the reasons yet. Some days I just have to grin and do them because it’s hard to bear them, too.

I try to be satisfied with being in the moment. I try not to think about accomplishing things. I do try to follow through once I start something. There’s a beginning, a middle and an end to everything. I’m good at beginning but not so at finishing. I’m working at it though. I’m one row of stitches closer to finishing my cross stitch of Jesus. I started it over 10 years ago. It has no expiratory date on it. One row a day will get me there soon, I hope.

HOW SWEET/SWEAT IT IS

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How Sweet/Sweat It Is

This morning I was folding laundry and noticed the Calvin Klein label on the guy’s undershirt. It reminds me of Christmas shopping my sister and I did with my mother years ago. How sweet the memory of when things were more carefree and my mother was younger and stronger. In those days, I still believe in some of the Christmas story. I believed in the warmth, kindness, giving and generosity of the season, if not the birth in the manger. I still believe in those sentiments but I’ve lost the warmth that came with it all. Humbug! is what I feel.

I am not really happy with the way I am. I feel hard and brittle like peanut brittle instead of marshmallows. Illusions once lost are gone forever. They are not what I really want. The God up in the sky no longer works. So why should Christmas still be the same. I didn’t start out in life with the Christ story. It was adopted when we immigrated to Canada. I have never been quite comfortable with it. Now is a logical time to give up all my pretense and come out of the closet. There, I’ve done it! I’ve said it. And what I really want for Christmas is good physical and mental health. They can come as they are. No need for a ribbon or bow.

Gifts don’t come free. I’ve been working on both. I’m still frequenting the gym using good hygience and social distancing practices. Our classes are small. I trust the staff and other members. I figure the exercise and socializing in small groups beneficial to my mental health. It feels exhilarating to work up a sweat. It carries me through part of the day. I hope the Covid numbers will come down. Otherwise, the gyms might get closed down. In that event, I still have my daily walks. Having walked daily, rain, snow or shine for 14 years with Sheba, it stays with me. Sheba would be proud of me. She’s probably walking with me in spirit.

It is almost the end of another day. I’ve kept up with doing at least one difficult thing a day. It helps lift my mood and gives me more energy. It’s cloudy all day today. No sun at all. The highest temperature in the greenhouse was 0 Celsius. While I’m waiting for the sun and spring, I’ve been researching on how to grow ginger and tumeric. It’s pretty interesting and exciting. There’s numerous videos on YouTube on how to grow both using roots from grocery stores. I might pot some up as soon as I get some ginger and tumeric. Why wait for spring? I can do it now.

LIKE THE FIRST MORNING

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Cat Stevens’ Morning Has Broken plays in my head every once in awhile. I heard it last night.

Morning has broken like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken like the first bird
Praise for the singing
Praise for the morning
Praise for them springing fresh from the Word Sweet the rain’s new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dew fall on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where His feet passMine is the sunlight
Mine is the morning
Born of the One Light Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning…

The song has a message for these times. The world as we knew doesn’t seem to be working any more. Covid-19 had us stopped in our tracks. We were in a lockdown, in a frozen moment. We could change. We had to change. So why are we back to what was even worse than before? Why are we so stupid about wearing a mask, keeping social distance and gathering within safe numbers? They seem simple enough to do, especially when our lives depend on compliance.

We were already masking up before the Covid. It’s not like it is a new phenomenon. Medical staff wear them in their work. Farmers wear them to protect them from grain dust and pesticides. Many labourers wear them in their jobs to protect their respiratory system from crap. Now we all need to wear them to protect our lives. So what is the problem? When the gathering was restricted to 12 people in a household, why does someone have a party of 50 people? So today’s Covid news in Saskatchewan is 2 deaths and 181 new cases. Our population is only a little over a million.

I’m losing my direction of where I am going here. It is late afternoon. The sun not only has gone, it never showed up at all today. I’m feeling a little dour. It is temporary. What I really want to impart is that this is the moment for us to change. This could be our first morning, sweet from the rain’s new fall. Let us not squander this opportunity. There are so many things we could do/change to save our planet and therefore ourselves. If we all do a little, it adds up to big.

A WALK /ONE DIFFICULT THING A DAY

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A Walk/One Difficult Thing a Day

I’ve left my mutterings too late tonight. However, I can make a start. What I won’t finish tonight, I will tomorrow. It’s been a full day for a natural snail like me. November can be dark. The mornings certainly are and I am feeling psychological unwell these mornings. I have to give myself an extra push and a talk. I tell myself it is the shortness of days and the darkness of the mornings that are colouring my mood. Once I get moving I will feel better. Sometimes my mood does get the better of me.

I work extra hard getting up in the dark of winter. There’s no light or sun to welcome me. I get up because it’s time. I get up to turn on the light and the warmth. And so it is the afternoon of the next day. I had to work no less hard this morning, rising and pushing back the dark. It’s a win once I’m up. There’s the morning rituals everyone has of brushing teeth and splashing water on your face. Then fill the kettle for tea and a breakfast of toast and grape jelly.

It’s Saturday. I got my swim morning back. Thank God that it’s not taken away again by rising Covid numbers. We don’t realize the value of things till they’re taken from us. I’m grateful to have this time to reflect on things small and large. Sometimes it is the smallest that matter the most. I love my winter Saturday mornings. I don’t quite love it the night before or the morning of. It always feel so difficult getting there in the cold and in the dark. But it is the after-swim-feel that I remember. It truly feels blissful. My body is warm, relaxed and so at ease.

It is this bliss that I work toward in all that I do. Sometimes I have to work through the difficult to get there. Knowing that makes it less difficult. Maybe the bliss comes from the difficulty of it. I try to do at least one difficult thing a day. Putting things away is in that category. I try to rinse my swim suit, goggles and cap as soon as I get home. It’s so easy for me to drop my bag in the kitchen and leave it till whenever. I waste so much time drinking tea and thinking about how hard everything is. I’m turning over another leaf till I fall off the wagon again.

Talking about tea, I feel the urge for another cup. Be back in a sec. Sometimes a tea break is not a bad thing. I put away the dried dishes waiting for the kettle to boil. I’ve done my hard tasks already. I can falter and stumble a little. I had my walk right after I did the lunch dishes. No dallying with a cuppa. No matter how grey the day, I always feel better instantly when I walk outside. The world seem to expand and I also. It works so I do the walk, even if it is just a short one.

Now the day and this post are done. Tomorrow is another day. Nothing much happening in the greenhouse. Yesterday with the sun the afternoon temperature got up to 22 degrees Celsius. Today was mostly cloudy with a bit of weak sun. I got up to maybe 12 C. Not all days are equal.

LETTUCE IN DECEMBER

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Lettuce in December

I have to admit that I’m still struggling to rise above – to write, to appease myself of so many things. I have to be satisfied with just getting an earlier start. I’ve been negligent of late. It’s making me angry with myself. I feel the ferocity of its bite. I know it is not healthy for me. I’m feeling and acknowledging it and letting it go its angry way. Its energy is at least useful in giving me a start. I should read Pema Chodron’s Don’t Bite the Hook.

I know I am obsessive sometimes. It is good and bad. The bad part is when it makes you think about something or someone, or doing something, too much or all the time. I have gotten fixated about a few things/people in my life time. It’s such a time waster. I need to work on this. There’s lots of suggestions online to get started. Did I tell you I’m obsessed with self improvement? Well, there’s the good and bad in it, too. Balance is the key.

A little fury helped get the dishes done and the bathroom floor washed. Golly, why is it so hard sometimes? It is a puzzle I don’t try to solve anymore. Blame it on the weather. Blame it on barometer pressures changes. It works for me. It was cold this morning, -26 degrees Celsius at 0600 according to Environment Canada. No wonder everything was stiff and frigid in the greenhouse – the geranium, kalanchoe, aloe vera and onions. It was -12 degrees C at 8:49 am. By 10:30 it had risen to 0 degrees C. At 2:30 pm, with the sun on the roof, the temperature rose to 20 degrees. At 5 pm the sun has set. The temperature had already dropped to 2 degrees C.

It seems impossible now to have fresh home grown lettuce in December. If I had the greens well established in the greenhouse, I am sure they would have survived into December. I guess I have to be satisfied that the greenhouse is all closed in before the snow. So much for this obsession. I haven’t given up though. I was looking at the sun shining on the bougainvillea and the herbs in the sunroom. There’s no reason why I couldn’t add a few pots of greens in the mix. I might have to move things around. It’s good incentive to clean and clear. Some obsessions are wonderful. They give you reasons to bounce out of bed, get dressed and go out in the cold to check the temperature.

RISING ABOVE

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Rising Above

Gosh, writing can be almost as difficult as doing the lunch dishes. I’ve got the dishes done, been out for a short trot around the ‘hood and did some snow removal. I’m a bit out of huff. However, I’ve had a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin and is sipping on a hot cup of tea. I shall try to rise above my writing inertia. I had skipped out yesterday. Too many skips and I might abandon ship altogether.

Last night we watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Meredith Grey was trying to rise above, trying to do the right thing. It reminds me of myself. I always try to do the right thing, rising above. The result is that I’ve become very resentful and angry sometimes. Because all my effort doesn’t seem to matter. Nothing good comes out of it. It was good to see that portrayed in Meredith, even if she is an actress. And that it is just a show. I see that I am not such a bad person after all. I’m just human like everyone else.

That’s what I love about the show. The characters are human and real. They have the good, bad and ugly in them. That’s what I have to remember about myself and others. I have to be a little generous, give everybody the benefit of the doubt and not be so judgemental. I don’t know anybody’s story except my own. Where am I going with this? I’m just snow shovelled weary and mumbling somewhat incoherently. I’m remembering yesterday’s happiness of having a nice neighbour. He was not only nice but had a snow blower, willing to help and have a friendly conversation.

I haven’t experienced that in such a long time. I’m a little delirious. And I am weary, trying to rise above to finish this post. The greenhouse temperatures are holding steady. It’s usually around -5 degrees C in the morning and +2-3 degrees C in the day when there is no sun. I don’t expect the greens I seeded to germinate now, but the few things I planted seemed to be ok still. I have to be satisfied just to observe things for the next 3 months. Nothing exciting will probably happen till late February, early March. I best settle down and use my energy planning for then. I think I’m a little over weary.

NO ORDINARY SNOW EVENT

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No Ordinary Snow Event

I guess we are well initiated to winter and snow shovelling now. The Saskatoon StarPhoenix’s headline was ‘No ordinary snow event’: Saskatoon digging out from blizzard. I didn’t think it was that bad – 35 plus centimeters. It’s alot of snow and some streets were impassable. The transit probably wasn’t running in some places. But I still remember 2007. We had 55 cm of snow then. I remember shovelling all day long to keep up. So this is a piece of cake.

No surprise that our exercise class, AM Energizer was cancelled. We did our own am energizer at home right after breakfast, shovelling. We were glad that we had done some shovelling before supper the day before. Even so, the snow was pretty deep in places. I had the shorter route of from house to the garage and greenhouse. The guy did the walk around to the front and the sidewalk. Then we went over to my parents’ house. I have snow shovelling service for them but you can’t always count on them to be there right away. We cleared a path to the front door and shovelled the back step so the back door could be opened. My mother, of course, tried to shoo us away.

It was a nice little storm, a slowing down into the season. I suppose some people might find the pace already slowed from the Covid but I am as busy as ever. I am as slow as ever, too. I’m a natural snail. I enjoyed the cocooning. The day was a bit of bliss for me, being sunny and all. I must be pretty fit for I didn’t mind the shovelling at all. It brought back memories of other heavy snowfalls when I was working. I remember the times I was stuck in the back alley coming home in the evening. There’s usually no one around to help. I would eventually get unstuck. But then there’s all that snow to shovel with work again in the morning. It was all very exhausting.

So this is a sweet spot for me now. There’s no pressure of time squeezes and going to work. No exhaustion at the end of a 12 hour shift. No getting up at the crack of dawn. No sleep deprivation. I’m learning to enjoy myself, to look ahead, prepare and tend to things before they start knocking at the door. I’m learning to let go of things that don’t matter. I’m learning when to speak and when not to. There’s a time for everything. And even in winter, the flowers still bloom.