THE RHYTHM METHOD

Posted on July 21, 2014 by hafong

The thing worse than having the blues is having the summer time blues. You have no excuse for your feelings then. There are all those upbeat songs about being happy like Mungo Jerry’s In the Summertime. Even my downbeat feet beat time to the rhythm.

If you’re in the need of mellowing, Ella can soothe you with her crooning.

I would not advise listening to Janis Joplin. Not only are the fish jumping but so is my heart, from watching a little of her rendition. Better leave that one for a brighter day and a more stable heart. Be still, my heart! Nothing can harm you.

The clouds have returned and I am feeling my heeby jeebies. Nothing to worry about. I am quite familiar with them. We are old friends now. I will breathe and have another cup of tea and tap out a few more words, if I can. The piano is there waiting for me. I have almost conquered My Heart Will Go On. I am ready to tackle Fur Elise. I don’t pick easy pieces, do I?

Learning to count and to keep time resets my heart and quiets my mind. That’s why I like the tap, tapping of my keyboard. It’s much like the steady rhythm of knitting needles. Click, click, click. I’m killing several birds with one stone. I’m not wasting time, tied in knots, huddled in fetal position or getting trouble with other people because I am not ‘feeling up to par’. At the end of the day, I have something to show – a piece of writing, a scarf, learned a piece of music. Not all in the same day, of course, but you know what I mean.

It’s good that time does not stand still. I have to move along and not wallow in old feelings and old memories. Sometimes when I see old photos, I do want to hang onto my youthful self with all my might. But you know how impossible that is. So I give it up, remembering that I did not appreciate it at the time. It is how it is. You are always envying what you had. It is our human nature.

I have come to appreciate my ‘down’ time. I am a little more reflective and aware, not so caught up the usual. It is the same with my sleepless episodes. It is what happens. I value the insights I get with my altered mental state. Things are not clear and more clear at the same time. I go Wow! I tell myself not to stress myself so much the next time when I am blue or sleepless. It is just the rhythm of life. Learn from it if you can but do not beat yourself over it.

THE BLISS OF BEING

Posted on July 20, 2014 by hafong

There’s a price for bliss. I suppose you know that. I am paying today for that moment of sublime bliss in the garden yesterday. My knuckles are swollen and achy, my hips stiff and unwieldy, not wanting to make the corners. What the heck is the problem here? Too much of a good thing? A bliss is well worth the little achy creaky joints.

I close my eyes and see the rich black earth sifting through my fingers. I see the brilliance of my purple petunias in the morning light. I am infused with their colour and energy. The pain leaves me as I slowly move through my qigong routine. I have neglected my physical body these last while. It’s reminding me to take care.

It’s good to come back to these familiar movements. They seem so small and non consequential and yet they do so much for body and mind. Maybe it is the time set aside to do nothing else but this. I am into the moment and movements, feeling relaxed and blessed. My body is important. I am important. It is another bliss -like a taste of rich, creamy ice cream on a hot summer afternoon. Mmmm! I so deserve it.

There is no need to do or accomplish. It is Sunday, a day of rest. Just be.

A REASON AND A SEASON

Posted on July 19, 2014 by hafong

I love weeding after a good rain. Everything looks so green and luscious. I feel I’m working in the garden of our Lord. The soil is soft. You can easily pull the weeds out. There is so much satisfaction in seeing your work coming into its own. How can I not stand back and admire it all? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, do you? I am not gloating. I am just happy with my work.

To feel the earth beneath your feet, the rich soil between your fingers – is ecstasy. It is what they call grounding, I suppose. To me, it is simple bliss. When we feel it, we should pay attention and celebrate. Who knows when such a moment will come again. The memories can carry us forward when times are not so fortunate. We know that this, too, shall pass.

Let us celebrate our lives with the fruits of our garden and our spirits. Let us drink a toast to our friends, family and neighbours, for their love, friendship and the lessons they give us. There is a reason and a season for everything under heaven.

CORNERED

Posted on July 18, 2014 by hafong

It’s Friday and time for fiction of 100 words, hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Photo prompt -copyright-adam-ickes

He advanced towards her, his face shiny with perspiration. Her breath caught in her throat as she backed up against the wall, with nowhere else to go. She clutched the front of her uniform.

“Why were you gossiping about me?” He demanded. She smelled his rancid breath and wrinkled her nose.

” I d-did no such thing!” She stammered.

“My friend overheard a housekeeping staff talking about me to someone at Walmart. Nobody knows about it besides you.”

She felt like a cornered animal, her face shiny and sweaty as his. She scanned her mind quickly, coming up with an answer.

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS

BREWING, WAGING, EXPLODING

Posted on July 18, 2014 by hafong

I hate to contradict the FlyLady’s motto, “You are not behind”, but I am a day behind in writing my posts. To make up, I’m going to start from where I am.

I did a bit of kicking ass yesterday even though the day was grey. The sky was cloudless, covered by smoke from forest fires up north. The air was filled with its acrid smell. Our world was covered with an eery gloom. It felt just like the moment before the shoe drops.

But Sheba and I braved it in the early morning, walking/jogging down back alleys to the park. We sniffed the grass, smelled the coffee, and admired the many glooming blue delphiniums and pink hollyhocks, towering above back fences. We saw some grape vines trailing along and on top of fences, clusters of little green grapes showing through the leaves. It was a magnificent sight, nature’s colours glowing through the grey. It gave us heart.

So though the day was grey, I saw my inner world filled with the colours of the rainbow – much like the colours of Daphne’s bouquet from her garden. Even Monet could not out do Nature’s artistry.

Its beauty is there for all of us to share and enjoy. It’s not something you can covet, own and hoard in your own private museum like a painting. It’s there for the moment. Then it is gone to be reborn in another time and place.

The skies did not lift. I did some slow weeding and watering of my flower pots. One thing led to another. Somehow I cleaned up some beds and transplanted perennials. I finished reading about Stephanie Plum and Lulu’s adventure in Fearless Fourteen. Did you know that Stephanie had dreams of being Wonder Woman when she was a girl? How awesome!

The first raindrops came at supper time. It pittered pattered on the deck roof. A breeze came up, stirring the purple petunias on the deck railing. It was a pretty sight. Distant thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. It was a dramatic and romantic backdrop to our evening meal.

The heavens gathered more force through the evening and night. The wind grew and the rain poured. Thunder and lightning continued to play and grumble across the sky. Was it God reminding us to mind how we walk on this earth? Was He sending the artilleries because we are such fools and don’t listen well?

He has my attention. Now I know why I was sleepless. I was feeling his tension – his wrath as he brewed over his children. He has exploded, the storm over – still gifting us his tears to wet the dry earth. I feel relief.

DON’T KICK MY ASS

Posted on July 16, 2014 by hafong

image from Amazon.ca

Today was a no kick-ass day. The only ass kicking was done was by Stephanie Plum and her side kick, Lulu, two characters from Janet Evanovich’s detective series. I spent some hours reading Fearless Fourteen.

Her books are a good read when you are low and need a picker upper. It’s hard to stay down with all the action and humour. How can you not smirk and laugh out loud at this:

“Lulu is a former ‘ho turned bonds office file clerk and wheelman. She’s a plus-size black woman who likes to squash herself into too small clothes featuring animal print and spandex. Lulu’s cup runneth over from head to toe.”

See what I mean? It works for me almost every time, even today.

Today was after a night of sleeplessness. I got a couple of hours but I wouldn’t call it sleep. It was filled with fitful dreams. Not restful at all. I haven’t had one of these for a long time but I am familiar with them. It used to be the norm in my 34 plus years of shift work.

I had hoped on doing a major decluttering but like all plans it was dashed. I felt hung over, stretched out, spent. There was no karate chopping today. My best today was learning from Stephanie and Lulu as they stormed and sped through the pages, getting their man/woman. I didn’t waste time trying to be a heroine. Instead, I gathered energy by living through them. Did I somehow, unconsciously planned this – to have some guilt-free idle time?

I must be innocent. I feel wretched but not guilty. Even Sheba is feeling the lazy today. She’s dragging after me with just a few dispirited barks through the day. I wonder if it was the moon last night, lighting up too many dark corners, keeping me awake. Let me sleep tonight, Mr. Moon.

REFLECTIONS

Posted on July 15, 2014 by hafong

Here I sit at the end of the day, trying to tap out my few words. It is dark already and I don’t know what to say. Maybe Mr. Moon can shine his light and guide me.

Some days/nights are like this. You have to take them as they come. Acceptance is the word. It is something I still/will always have to work at. It is not a bad thing. It means I am trying – trying to do better but not perfect.

photo credit – http://www.announcingit.com/invitations-blog/mirrored-reflection-baby-photos-tutorial/

I sound like I’m making excuses. Maybe I am. I am comforting myself. You have to do that once in awhile. You know your tender spots the best. Go ahead. Tend to your wounds. Dress them with tender loving kindness. Smile upon yourself for you are the child in everyone. When I see you, I recognize myself. So I am sure when you see me, you recognize yourself.

We see ourselves reflected back in each other’s eyes. Perhaps if we look long enough, we can have a conversation and speak from our hearts instead of our minds. Who knows, we might surprise ourselves and become friends. What would we do then?

NO DUCKS IN A ROW

Posted on July 14, 2014 by hafong

It’s another glorious morning. The sun is shining bright. The petunias are in their full bloom – the blues, purples and lilacs waving in the sunlight. Not wanting to be over-shadowed, the roses are strutting their stuff.

Sheba is out sniffing and chewing grass, while the man of the house is cranking up his bicycle to help set up the Bike Valet for The Taste of Saskatchewan, July 15- 20th. Looks like some time for me to write, dabble and talk to my tomato plants. Hurry up, grow!

I am sitting here tap, tapping on my new Mac. I am happy with its speed and slickness. No more heavy sighs and gnashing of teeth – for now anyways. My desk is a little neater, having to do some rearranging to accommodate my new Mac and my old PC. But it is by no means perfect. I’m showing the good part. The mess is lurking in the corner.

I am now a lot older and just a little wiser. But I am still fooled at times, buying into the perfection of everything. We have/want warranties and insurance for almost everything we own. You can’t insure life though you can buy life insurance. They are not the same. Life can indeed crash just like my MacBook. I could only watch it sizzle and burn. But there is hope after a crash.

What you do then, is pick your yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on. You re-start from where you are. Do not wait till it is perfect and you have all your ducks in a row. The only ducks lined up in a row are those at the fair. They’re waiting to be shot down. Real ducks glide and splash around but they are not synchronized swimmers. They get out of line.

photo credit -http://bobslifesongs.blogspot.ca/2013/10/safe.html

That is what I have learned after all these years of self doubt and running back to third base time after time. I have to take a chance, take a breath, not looking backwards, run and slide into home base. After the dust settles and I pick myself up, I might see the ump signalling, “SAFE”! with his arms.

CONFIDENCE BUILDING SUNDAY

Posted on July 13, 2014 by hafong

Image from http://www.planetminecraft.com/

A lovely sunny Sunday! You couldn’t ask for a better day to go for a bike ride. Can you believe it? I haven’t been on my two-wheeler yet this year. I can always blame it on the late spring and all the rain. But the fact is, I am a bit of a scaredy cat. I always worry about falling. That, of course, preordains my fate. I blame my fear on my childhood. It’s a catchall for every insecurity and fear under the sun.

When I was a child in China, the bicycle taxi was our main transport if it was too far to go on foot. When my mother visited her parents in their village, it was too far for me to walk. I was too heavy for her to carry all the way. She rented a taxi for us but it was her luck to get the same driver numerous times.

He was no Lance Armstrong. He had no skill. He shouldn’t have been driving/riding a bicycle at all. In fact, he did get fired, but not before the damage was done to me. He instilled the fear of falling in me! Inevitably, somehow, he, the bike and us would end up off the road – in the ditch, among trees….Thank God, my mother was smart enough to tell him to let us off first when we got near water.

Here I am years later, the fear of falling still resides in me. It doesn’t help that I was into adulthood when I taught myself to ride. I would always rely on the curb to push myself off and to stop. That limited my riding range and enjoyment. Curbs are not everywhere.

It wasn’t till last year that I took some classes. I’ve learned the proper way of starting up, stopping and dismounting – without curbs. What a relief it was to discover that there is time to come to a stop and then dismounting. I had thought you had to do both at the same time. Quite often before, I ended up dropping the bike and hopping off. Sometimes the bike and I dropped! So no more of that now! No more scraped hands and other body parts.

After a lengthy absence I still have the jitters starting off. Can I push off successfully and remain upright? Will I remember how to shift gears? Can I find the brakes? What about the traffic? And on and on. There is no stopping the mind except to push off.

This afternoon off we went – pushing onto the streets of Saskatoon. We came to traffic lights and stop signs. We passed ‘GO’ to Broadway and double scoops of ice cream cones. No drips, no falls, no scrapes. Just some exercise, sun and a lot of sweetness.

WANTS, WISHES AND DEEDS

Posted on July 12, 2014 by hafong

It’s Saturday and the weather is oh, so fine. The floor is finally vacuumed and washed. I am sitting here, empty of words. I am flexing my fingers and wiggling my toes. I am trying, giving it a go.

I always go to bed full of resolve – of doing this, doing that. But in the morning, I am deflated, not feeling up to par. So then, I feel guilty. I give myself a silent talk, trying to drum up some energy.

I took Sheba out right after breakfast. We did a little fast walking/slow jogging. The sun was shining, the air fragrant with blossoms. The streets were silent, devoid of traffic and people. It was the weekend. People were away or sleeping in, I guess. I shouldn’t feel bad about being laxidaisydo (my made up word for my lazy condition). I scolded myself for this obsession of wanting – wanting to do so much, but not doing it at all.

I wonder how many of us have this modern affliction/obsession of wanting and doing. Can I/we not be satisfied with being – being still, being in the moment, doing one thing at a time? I probably would be able to accomplish more goals – turning my wants to deeds instead of wishes. I bet I would be more peaceful and happy, too.

I’ve found a few words after all. Not great gems but they have some value. Maybe they’re greater than I think.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Monthly Archives: July 2014