No Easy Way/Thing

Posted on May 10, 2025 by hafong

My brain still hates how hard and long real work takes. It hates that you can’t push a button or twitch your nose like in Bewitched and things get done. It’s almost 3 hours later that I’m finished weeding and planting 2 cucumbers and a bitter melon in the greenhouse, planted 8 cabbages in the raised bed and filled 3 raised beds with water. While I had the hose out, I washed the dust off 2 walls of the house and the walkway.

I can’t say I was loving all that work. I’m hot, sweaty and dusty. I have a whole summer of that to look forward to. Oh my God, what was I thinking of! Yet if not putting my heart and muscles into the earth, what would I do? I don’t have a yearning to lounge on an ocean liner or on the beach. Been there and done that. I wouldn’t call myself a globe trotter but I’ve seen and lived in different parts of the world. I’m not mad for travelling, though I feel I ought to. I feel guilty I don’t. The first thing people ask when you retire is are you going to travel. Why is that?

I I think there is no easy way to have a meaningful life. It’s no easy thing to find purpose and passion. You have to do the work, dig deep, till your mind, plant seeds, water and add compost regularly to percolate it all and watch for germination and growth. That is it. That is all.

Goals

Posted on April 11, 2025 by hafong

It is a later morning, Day 11 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. We’re only a third into the month. It’s still a long way to the finish line. It’s still a big challenge. My goal is to finish. The only way to do that is to keep going, keep moving, keep typing, keep on talking, keep on and on…as best as I can. There’s really no easy way. I have to move and work hard.

No two days are equal. Some days are easier and harder than others. I do like challenges and having goals. It’s good to have some inspiration and guidance. Benjamin Franklin’s list of 13 virtues seemed worthy of effort. I would modify them to make them do-able. I do not think I am able to imitate Jesus or Socrates.

Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.
Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.
Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. waste nothing.
Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes or habitation.
Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

QUAGMIRES AND DIPS

Posted on January 22, 2024 by hafong

It’s hard to keep up the momentum of inspiration. There are many quagmires and dips along the way. In those times I have to dig my heels in and work hard to get over them. That’s where I am now. I am almost within sight of finishing the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m not quite there yet though. 9 days left. My plantar fasciitis is almost resolved but not quite. I can’t give up on them. I’ve worked hard to get here. I have to work a little longer to reach ultimate satisfaction.

Our weather is a roller coaster of highs and lows. It takes me up and then drops me like a brick. It’s not optimal conditions for the body or mind. I have to reset my mental and physical thermostat to cope. However, it is our reality so I mustn’t whine. I don’t have to smile the while either. I just have to keep moving. If I do, maybe I can skim over the quagmires and dips to the other side.

Working on my paintings from my Friday class will transport me. I worked on this painting over the weekend. I got over my disappointment with my performance in class. I felt maybe I can paint after all.

I will try to bring some magic to this painting next. Working on a problem chases the blahs and whatnots away.

Day 22 – the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

JULY – UBC – DAY 2, Work

Posted on July 2, 2023 by hafong

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Now that I have delt with the why of this challenge, I like to talk about how I’m going to succeed. For that to happen I need to put in the time and effort. In other words, I have to work. It wouldn’t hurt to be more thoughtful about goals and planning. Besides the love of words and writing, what do I hope to gain from this exercise? Having a daily practice gives me structure. It channels my energy into something useful and sometimes beautiful. My daily morning weeding has resulted in such. I hope my daily July writing will do the same.

This year I have been gardening since March. I started off first with starting seeds for the greenhouse. I had no written plans. They were all in my head based on the previous year’s experience. Perhaps if I had kept a written garden journal, I would have much more success. I did make a start, jotting down what seeds, dates of seeding and germination. But as the season got busier, it all got left by the wayside. The thing is, I started. I have some written records. I have not failed. I can pick it up again now that I’m writing about it. I can make notes of what is doing well and what is not. I can make notes of where the sweet spots are for certain veggies. The celery certainly are doing well in the raised beds. I’m having my first real success with the cabbages and broccoli by having them planted early, early in the spring.

It takes time to see the fruits of your labour. Having a vision of my goal gives me directions of where to go and how to get there. Patience is a great teacher. My garden and yard is a wonderful laboratory to experiment, learn and work in. There are no mistakes. Some things work better than others. It is always evolving like our lives. The page can be another growing space. Words and sentences are my garden tools here. But I have to put in the time and effort. I have to show up daily.

HOW THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Posted on April 19, 2022 by hafong

I’m on my second cup of tea, awaiting the snow storm. Perhaps it is a little early yet but the sky is steely grey. The sun is trying, a brisk breeze is stirring up the beautiful dead growth on the living roof of the shed. I flunked all 6 tries on Wordle. Now to make something of the day. Some days are easier than others. I’m hitting the not easier days. That’s how the cookie crumbles.

I know that this, too, will pass but what can I do in the meantime? There are many things that I could do. I just don’t feel like doing them. I don’t feel motivated, excited. Nothing grabs me. Nothing is wrong but everything feels bland and grey like cold, dirty dishwater and today’s sky. I guess I can pout and have a tantrum but what will that do? I can also do nothing and become more sodden. I’m sure that will lead to more boredom and misery. Better that I do a Suck it up, Buttercup and go through the motions -even if I don’t feel like it. That’s the penalty of being an adult.

I find it helpful to ask myself How does it feel? now and again. It is a good way of working through and out of my stresses and blahs. I’m not feeling so grey now, finding a hook to hang on to. It’s soothing tapping on the keys, making words and sentences. It builds me up as I find ways out of my blandness. I don’t need to hurry. I can take time, linger and savour these moments sitting here. It is rewarding to work and find a purpose, a reason to be.

This morning we went and got our fourth Covid vaccine. It was something we could do to help maintain our health. We made a couple of stops on the way home. One was to a mall to mail some letters and to buy mousse for my hair. I made a trip to the washroom while I was at it. It has been a long time, 2 years since I made a walk through the mall. I couldn’t remember where things were, having to follow the signs at first. There’s much change. Seems a bit silly but I was so happy to see the food court. The washrooms were just a hallway down. A flood of memories came rushing back – coffee with my mom and dad at the mall after our visits to the library. Such simple things can make me happy.

Our second stop was the library to return read books for different ones. It is snowing and the wind is howling. I am hunkered down snug as a bug with books to read, drawings to be drawn and splashed with paint. Oh, I have Hong Kong milk tea and barbecued pork buns from the Chinese store for treats. I am at ease. I am no longer stressed or feeling bland. Perhaps I was feeling the approach of the storm. I am such a weather vane.

FILLING MY BUCKET

Posted on May 4, 2021 by hafong

No two days and mornings are the same. I’m not the same any two days. I want to be full of vim and vinegar every day. I want to bounce out of bed every morning with joie de vivre. It’s not that I got out on the wrong side this morning. Not at all. I felt quite alright but then felt stuck after breakfast. I was very annoyed but somehow there was no flow. I felt the stagnancy and meaningless of things. Is it a by product of Covid-19? I’m tired of all the related news of numbers, cases, deaths, vaccines, anti-maskers, conspiracy theories. Round and round in endless circles.

Forgive me. I am just ranting, letting off steam. My brain got into a glitch. It got a little derailed. I was thinking too much. Nothing and everything changes at the same time. I wonder why that is. Enough thinking already. When there is no flow, I have to work to create it. Instead of sinking into despondency, I can make a gratitude list. Instead of thinking of what I don’t have, I can think of what I have. I can make a list of what I have done instead of feeling lazy and useless. I can fill my bucket with happy thoughts and moments. I can change my thoughts, therefore my feelings.

I can make it simple. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s a practice of pushing forward and onward for this 4th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Today I am grateful for:

a sunny warmer day
I had a good night’s sleep
that I am healthy
I have a nice home
I have a greenhouse
I have food on the table

This is what I have done today:

clean and dusted everything in the bedroom
did a load of laundry
made lunch and wash the dishes
transplanted kohlrabi seedlings into bigger pots
seeded a tray of peas
Water all the plants in the greenhouse and beds
read a few pages in With God in Russia
did my exercise routine with hula hoop
writing this post

LIFE NOT AS BEFORE

Posted on April 30, 2020 by hafong

It is another morning in this new ‘life will never be the same again’. Yet it comes and goes with the rising and setting of the sun – as usual. We still need the air we breathe and the sun on our skin. Have we taken them, and everything else on this breathing planet, too much for granted? Now we go to sleep and wake up in trepidation of the air we breathe and things we touch. We look at each other with suspicion. We keep 6 feet apart. We mask. We wash and wash our hands and everything we touch. It is not life as usual.

I wonder how to proceed each day, how not to dwell in the well of this nervous energy and uncertainty. If there ever is a perfect time for a makeover, I think it is now. We have this time of no distraction from the outside world. We are locked in with just ourselves. It can be discomforting. I am, at times, uncomfortable and alarmed with just my thoughts and voice. I cannot sit in silent meditation. I still need the soothing recorded voice of Mark Williams to guide me.

I tell myself it is all right. I can try again in silence another morning when I am feeling stronger. I don’t have to be a hero. I don’t have to be Wonder Woman. In this time I can just be, to explore, test, sample, sift through feelings and thoughts, decide what is valuable, what is not, to keep or toss. It is, of course, a bit disconcerting, somewhat like being tossed about on a stormy sea on a raft. There are no boundaries, no safety net, no known territory. I have to re-think, re-see with new thoughts and new eyes. How do I live in this new world now? Do I sink, just tread water or will I learn new skills of survival?

I’ve been sinking and treading water forever and a day now. I’m tired of just keeping my head above water. I want to survive, thrive and feel the joy that is supposed to be mine. I would like that without having to ‘work’ so hard at it all the time. Perhaps that’s asking for alot. Perhaps the joy comes from the work. Perhaps I already have the joy. Perhaps I have to explore and redefine joy.

CEMENTING WITH HENRY MILLER

Posted on November 14, 2017 by hafong

It’s a wintery snow falling on cedars kind of a day. It’s a good day to snuggle up with a hot cuppa. If only Sheba would cooperate, be quiet and snuggle on her bed. No such luck, of course. Come any time after 2 pm, she’s a fussing for food and her walk. It’s early but she likes to push the clock. I’m giving her the silent treatment. So far, so good. Keep my fingers and toes crossed. It’s hard to type that way but…

It’s easy to let a few days and my routine go. Then it gets tricky to get back on track. I’m hoping the feel and rhythm of the keys will bring my flow of thoughts and words back. If not, then I will have to WORK like Henry Miller suggests. Good advice from a great writer. I like his 11 commandments:

Work on one thing at a time until finished.
Start no more new books, add no more new material to ‘Black Spring.’
Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.
Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time!
When you can’t create you can work.
Cement a little every day, rather than add new fertilizers.
Keep human! See people, go places, drink if you feel like it.
Don’t be a draught-horse! Work with pleasure only.
Discard the Program when you feel like it—but go back to it next day. Concentrate. Narrow down. Exclude.
Forget the books you want to write. Think only of the book you are writing.
Write first and always. Painting, music, friends, cinema, all these come afterwards.

Number 10 is easy. I’m not writing or even thinking about writing a book. I’ve given up on NaNoWriMo after a few tries. Writing 50,000 words in 30 days mean I would have to cough up 1700 words a day. I’m a snapshot and punchy lines girl. I have trouble writing a 500 word post. Forget 1700 words! I can revamp and my goal for 500 words/day. See how that goes. Aim a little higher.

Good luck to me. I didn’t make 500 words today, not even with Henry Miller’s help. I’m doing Number 6 though – cementing a little every day. Better luck tomorrow.

THE BEST I CAN DO

Posted on November 5, 2014 by hafong

Routines can be so tedious at times. Ugh! That is what I am feeling at this moment. I am here, nevertheless, with my morning Chai. I am feeling more myself. It’s good to be able to sleep again laying down – two nights in a row now.

I had been sleeping in my recliner, being breathless and panicky laying down. I was feeling attached to my Lazy Boy. I was afraid of letting it go, but I survived. How quickly habits and attachments set in. It reminded me of a patient I had. Her hospital stay was longer than expected. She had one complication after another. She finally went home after a lengthy stay.

She dropped by with a box of chocolates and thank you card after being home for a week. She was teary talking about being home. She was anxious and missed the side rails on her bed and having curtains around. She worried about being crazy. I reassured her that she was not. She had been so sick and having people around her, checking on her 24 hours/day for weeks. It was a natural thing to feel a bit insecure, even if her husband and children were in the house. She breathed a big sigh of relieve. It mattered to her that I understood how she felt. She left with a smile amid her tears. I was happy to be able to do that.

Yesterday was a wordless day. It was a time to catch up with family. It was time for lunch with my mother and sister. I hadn’t seen them for awhile. It was time to get reconnected. It was a time for my sister and I to give our mother some time, to listen to her stories and reminiscences.

And today is a picture-less day. It’s not a day of creativity so I worked – at paying my bills and other necessities of life. When you can’t create, you can work. I can work at putting things in order. I am tired. I am worn out. I am feeling life. This is the best I can do today. Tomorrow is another day.

ON REACHING A HUNDRED

Posted on April 14, 2013 by hafong

I have reached a hundred the other day, a hundred posts that is! It is a big success for me. I have to reward myself and pat myself on the back.

I am tap, tapping at my keyboard. I love the rhythm of my fingers on the keys. I love the words that come out. I am writing because I love the beauty of words and ideas that flow from my finger tips. I don’t know from where they come but I welcome them.

If perchance you read some of my words, do not stress or worry if I sound melancholy or in trouble. My work environment can be very toxic and sometimes I can’t help but take some of the fumes in. And life can be ever so taxing. Tapping out words is my way of breathing and releasing the poison out. It is how I heal myself so that I can work and live again.

Words are my best friend. They hold me close with their warmth. They help me see with their clarity and they calm me down with their truth. I honour them by putting them in print. I do hope that you will stop by often and read them. I love sharing what I have learned by putting words and pictures together.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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