Pulling Up My Bootstraps

Posted on April 5, 2025 by hafong

The longer I loll in bed, the harder it is to rise. I bit the bullet, whip off the covers and sat up. No matter what I was feeling, I dressed up, sat on the toilet, washed my face and showed up for breakfast. It was a good one this morning, omelette and toast. I didn’t have to make it either. I’m pulling myself up by the bootstraps. Stand tall, feel better.

Life is good. It is good to have challenges to get the day going. I’ve posted for #the100dayproject as well as for April Love 2025 both on FB and Instagram. It is a photo challenge to a word prompt for each day in April. I have bread dough proofing in the oven. Now I am trying to get this post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge written. It is day 5 and I’m still here! It is easier to keep the momentum going by showing up every day. A little dab will do it. I choose short and easy.

The Things I Used to Do

Posted on April 4, 2025 by hafong

A sunny April morning at 10 am but still dark when I woke at 6. I’m not bouncing out of bed yet. I am more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I am grateful for what I am and for what I have. I am still me. I have my spirit though it is a bit dampened. I have recovered my hearing. It, too, is a bit dampened. I can hear the running of the furnace and the flush of the toilet. I can carry on a converstion, listening and speaking, no longer relying on pen and paper.

Life is good. It is full of wonder and mystery. I try to bask in the warmth and light. I try not to ask too many whys to questions that have no answers. I am still healing. I do not want to lose any unnecessary energy. I try to dwell in moments of “remembered wellness.” I pray and ask for prayers. It all has helped me to be here today – tapping on the keyboard, finding my way back to the things I used to do. I’m doing it slowly, taking James Clear’s advice from his book Atomic Habits. I want to make things easy.

April Mornings

Posted on April 2, 2025 by hafong

April mornings are still dark enough that I’m not ready to spring out of bed like an eager bunny. I still snuggled into my covers even though I’ve been awake for awhile. I have to work my way out in my head first. First I have to throw off the warmth of the silk quilt and let the cool air rouse me out of bed. Then the rest is history as they say.

I haven’t been keen on going to the gym the last couple of weeks either. I tell myself that it is ok. I’m resting and healing. I do enough. I move enough. I’m resetting, turning myself off to save energy. I am very careful now where my energy goes. I don’t want to lose any needlessly. There’s been many losses this year. I don’t want to cry crocodile tears. In fact, I haven’t cried at all with losing my mother in October. It seemed so strange to lose her after all these years. Then shortly after, I lost my hearing – all of it for awhile. I hadn’t cried then either.

Everything was strange, bizarre and traumatic. It left me no energy to mourn the passing of my mother. It left me no energy to be angry, sad or depressed. I prayed and asked for many prayers. After these many months, I have gained much of my hearing back. I am filled with gratitude and awe. It has been such a life changing year. So much loss and yet so much gain at the same time. I’m grateful for these grey April mornings, too. They’re restful. I don’t have to be an EverReady bunny, going on and on.

First Day(s)

Posted on April 1, 2025 by hafong

April Fools’ Day is cloudy and cool. It is also the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve been a frequent participant though I did skipped the one in December. We write a post every day for the month of April, publish it on our own site before adding it to the Ultimate Blog Challenge page. I do it because I love words and writing. Writing helps me to process my thoughts. It is meditation for me. I meet people. It helps build community. We do become friends, supporting and cheering each other on.

Those are the main reasons. I am not ambitious. I don’t have a product to sell. I don’t even have a great website. It is just plain talk, chatting while I’m tapping on the keyboard and sipping on a cup of tea. My goal is just to show up each day with some words and to read a few posts from other participants. Wish me luck.

Loss and Grief

Posted on October 29, 2024 by hafong

Day 29 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge finds me not inspired. The jukebox in my head is not playing. No one has put in any coins. Perhaps I have to give it a swift kick in the side. Perhaps I am in mourning and silence is what I need. I find myself in a peculiar space. The fear and dread of my mother’s death was greater in my head than in reality.

Her final days were in the home she loved. Her pain came swift and short with all of us around her. The 2 not needed rescuers were respectful and kind as was the 2 policemen and coroner. There was no chaos but peace and respect. Such is the protocol for the fortunate leaving from home. We didn’t have to wait for a month like you have to for family doctor appointment, months for a cardiologist followup or 14 hours like in ER. They all came promptly with one phone call.

I was happy she was not in the hospital. It is not always a safe and caring space. The care is missing in our Healthcare. When you are sick, you don’t want to hear about staff shortages and certainly not about saving resources, especially when you are old. You want to be cared for. This is my grief talking. I know people did what they thought was their best. But I have to ventilate. Healthcare is not made up of just hospitals, clinics, doctors, nurses, technicians, receptions, etc., etc. It is all of us. We all have to care, to be kind. It’s also my mother talking through me. She’s big for kindness.

Loving Mom

Posted on October 28, 2024 by hafong

Loving mom was/is the most easy thing. Losing her is the hardest. Though I’ve had her more than most people have had their mothers, it doesn’t seem enough. Forever is what I want. I still feel the need for my mother. That is selfishness on my part. She was tired. She hung on for as long as she could for us. She left on an October day after having seen the sunrise and sunset.

It’s been a week since her departure Sunday night, October 20th. The week has gone by in a blur. I had been worrying for years on the how(s) and what(s) to do when the time came. It’s been 23 years since she was diagnosed with a serious heart disease. I remembered because we were waiting at the hospital for CT scan on September 11, 2001. That morning upon rising, I heard news of planes flying into twin towers in NYC. I thought of mom’s family there. In the hospital waiting room I watched the chaos and horror on TV. My mother was around 70 years old then.

I need not have spent so much time worrying and wondering. Life and death took care of themselves. Mom had a few tough times but many good ones. She never thought she would have such a long life. She marveled that the surgeon could put her back together after she fell and broke her hip. That was on the day before Mother’s Day. Her hip was the least of her problems. Her body and already compromised heart was traumatized by the fall and surgery.

I asked for one more summer. My mother asked to see the sunrise and sunset. We both got our wishes. She said she was always happy no matter what. She had us. She’s told me that many times. That’s been a comfort. She said that too the last afternoon when we basked in the late afternoon sun in the backyard. She looked like a rock star with my sunglasses on. I felt blessed to be in her presence for those 30 minutes.

I haven’t given up on the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Finding my words again today.

Killing Me Softly

Posted on October 20, 2024 by hafong

The jukebox in my head is playing again today. I guess I have alot of songs that need to be sung. The song today is Killing Me Softly. It is a pretty song but I can’t sing it as beautifully as Roberta Flack. Nevertheless life is killing me softly and slowly with its demands. There’s nothing to do but to ride the ups and downs. Everyone is on the same roller coaster. There’s no use whining. I better just pull up my socks and keep my panties on.

I’m doing the best I can. No matter what, I wake up, get up, dress up and show up each day. Some days are better than others. Some days I’m a flying mess. Some days I’m feeling just fantastic!. There are days that are just full and spilling over with everything. Those days I cuss and fart alot, trying to have some fun. Those days, the jukebox in my head like to play Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese. It comforts me alot.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Looking for Calm and Wisdom

Posted on October 8, 2024 by hafong

How easily I’m rattled these days. I have so many straws that can break my camel’s back. This morning I am all nervous energy. I am aggitated, thoughts running here and there. I know there’s nothing to be done. I know I am wasting energy and maybe compromising my health and immune system. So I come there to tap and hopefully hit the right keys and meridian points. Looking for calm. Looking for wisdom. Looking for guidance.

I know from experience that when I most need a helpful ear and a calming touch, no one is home, not even God. The best thing for me is to be quiet and still and breathe into the moment. Calmness and wisdom will come from within, for it is I who knows me best. My self talk is quieting me and I am finding some rest and peace. I am finding some words for today’s Ultimate Blog Challenge.

There’s much still to do in the garden. I harvested a small patch of carrots this morning and the parsnips in the raised bed. The parsnips are not looking parsnipy and tapered, but gnarled with many fingers, much like last year’s. Will have to try direct seeding them in the soil next spring. I had started them in peat pots indoors and planted the pot into the bed without disturbing the roots. Still it must have made a difference. But it’s not a loss. They will still be tasty.

I guess life is like growing parsnips. It’s not perfect, not conforming to expectations. I guess I should embrace the surprises, blips and blurps that arise and find joy and satisfaction in learning and coping. End of post. Now onward to planting my tulip bulbs.

Speaking in Pictures

Posted on October 7, 2024 by hafong

Sometimes words do not fall readily from the tongue even for word lovers. I’ve been tongue-tied these last while. Though I set of goal of coming to my keyboard every day for the Ultimate Blog Challenge, I feel the pull of just throwing in the towel. It is said that a picture can be worth a thousand words. So here are my words in pictures.

This first set of photos are of my mother’s front flower bed. Though she no longer is strong enough at 93 to garden, my brother and I have planted it.

The next photos are from my greenhouse. It is still doing well, some plants are better than others. It’s a first time growing paprika and bottle gourd. I only got a few of each but they’re beautiful, aren’t they?

The last set of photos are from the backyard. It was a late seeding of spinach and radishes. Hope there’s time for them. The cabbage is a second crop. Don’t know if they will have time to cabbage.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: the Ultimate Blog Challenge