Tag Archives: the Ultimate Blog Challenge

BELIEFS and DISBELIEFS

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So it’s Easter Sunday. The sun is shining brightly. The snow is slowly melting away. The nights are a bit warmer. I no longer have to board up and cover in the greenhouse. It saves some time and energy. I’m feeling a little crunched these days, not being able to show up here daily and reading others’ post in this month of the Ultimate Blog Challenge as planned. As they say, the best laid plans often go awry. I do the best I can. With my limitations, I choose carefully to do the musts and what I truly love.

Those quiet, magical early morning moments are gone from me now. I hope they will return. Things and life change. I have to roll along with tide. What hasn’t changed is that life is always full of challenges, no matter what life stage. It is not true that I’m not getting older. It’s true that I’m getting better at navigating what life throws at me. It is resilience from experience. The valuable thing I’ve learned is that it is not good to feel another’s pain. It weakens and renders me useless. It does no one good. Each of us has our own cross to bear. We can help but cannot carry each other. Maybe we can carry one another over a short period but not forever. It’s like Caroline Myss says, If you are the life guard, you save the person from drowning. But you don’t take him home after.

What does that mean for me? I guess I don’t believe that Jesus die on the cross for us. He did it for himself. That thought just came to me. I’m open to other thoughts. Happy Easter.

WHO THE HELL CARES?

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Photo by mohamed abdelghaffar on Pexels.com

April 5. I’m missing my daily ski – being in the great outdoors, the sky, the sun and clouds. I’m feeling the beginning of my moody blues. It’s not that I’m idle or lacking things to do. In the midst of doing, the question of what’s the point/purpose comes up. I’m lacking that joie de vivre, the joy of accomplishment. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe it’s the weather. And then there’s the who the hell cares. I wonder if this kind of feelings drives people to drinks, drugs, affairs….Anyways, they don’t appeal to me. Not even snacking. Am I in trouble or what?

I can be happy that tonight is the last cold night I have to worry about for the greenhouse. And today was a very sunny day. It is nicely heated up for the night. It is still 18.6℃ at 6:30. The shade cloth is down and the front vents are covered with cardboard to mininize cold drafts. Even with the little electric heater, it still went down to 3.4℃ last night. But it’s suppose to go down to only -20℃ tonight. We’re almost home free now.

Well, I am feeling a bit better. Supper is almost ready. I can smell the sweetness of the Sweet Mama Squash roasting in the oven. I got a little carried away last year with how many I planted. I still have 5 down in the basement. I’ve been busy cooking, mashing and freezing them for pies and muffins. It is April and they’re getting close to their best by date. Guess what I will be doing tomorrow? They do freeze nicely in my silicone muffin pan. They pop out easy, too.

WEARING ME DOWN

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April 4. Winter seems never ending this year. Just when I think ok, I don’t have to worry about my plants in the greenhouse, I have to – again. The weatherman is forecasting a low of -21℃ tonight and -20℃ tomorrow night. At least it was sunny today and the temperature got up to almost 30℃ with the shade down. The thermal wall and the pails of water will help to moderate the cold tonight. Just to be safe, I threw a row cover over everything. Everything is looking too good to lose now.

Our funky weather is wearing me down. It’s hard to think of the possibility of a garden when I’m faced with high piles of snow and minus temperatures. I really have to push myself but I did seed 5 more kinds of tomatoes this afternoon – Long Keepers, Red Alerts, Sun Rise, Sun Gold, and Red Torch. Where the heck will I plant them all? But that’s a problem to be worked out later. Oh, yes, I do have some bitter melon seeds prepped, wrapped in wet paper towels in a plastic bag. It’s such an easy way to get them germinated that way.

Life is hard. The going is tough. I’m still chugging along though, a few tomatoes at a time, one drawing and one blog post a day. So far, so good.

LIVING IN THE MOMENT

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April 3. All is well though winter is still with us. We got more snow yesterday. Spring feels far away though the forecast is for a high of 20℃ in a week’s time. How crazy is that? Should I be happy or should I be worrying? We are living in an age of uncertaintly. I can’t afford to waste any energy or time worrying. This is the time to live in the moment on things I love to do and on things that will make a difference.

What do I love to do? What things make a difference? The first is easier to answer. I love words, reading and writing them. I love drawing. I’m doing both at the present time. I think they both make a difference. Writing is a form of communication, helping to spread ideas and connect with each other. I write purely for my purpose and needs. But I like to put it out there. I like to think I’m having a conversation with the Universe. If it touches and helps someone, more pleasure for me. I have found others’ writings and other forms of expression very helpful.

I’m drawing my path and life for #the100dayproject. I started the project with drawings of my holiday in Ghana of 2011. After 30 days I moved onto a different theme – myself as a child and some members of the family. Those were from the times in China and Hong Kong. It was a very wonderful way to get acquainted with the child in me through the lines of my pencil. I didn’t know that was going to happen. It’s very comforting and healing.

WILD GEESE

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April 2. It’s a grey snow falling on the cedars kind of a day. Not one speck of sun. The temperature was still in the minuses this morning. We thought we would go for one last ski. What a foolish decision! It wasn’t full of joy. I caught myself thinking ‘how fucking stupid is this!’ several times as I picked/slid/skid carefully and gingerly along the miserably bumpy, icy, gutted tracks. I felt somewhat like Tiny Tim as he tiptoed through the tulips. As I uttered my last expletive a flock of geese flew overhead. I couldn’t help but think of Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese. Two of the birds came down to perform a dance for me.

It changed my thoughts completely. I was very happy to be out on that f’g! track. It was so worth it. I wasn’t being good. It wasn’t as bad as if I was walking on my knees. It felt magical being out there with these wild creatures, the snow, the bare trees and the grey sky. I felt part of it all.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

MY CUP OF TEA

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It’s April 1 and Fool’s Day. It is the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge wherein we are required to write a post/day for the month and share it on the UBC Facebook page. There are a few rules and not hard to abide. I’ve been participating for quite a few years now because I love the challenge of showing up every day for a set month. I love words and writing. Tapping on my keyboard is a meditation for me. I have no set format or theme for this month. My goal is to show up every day and ‘chat’. Perhaps it is not your cup of tea but it is mine.

The rhythm of my fingers on the keyboard soothes and smooths me. It makes me happy to see the letters and words march across the screen like good little soldiers. Perhaps that’s not such a good analogy. Soldiers remind me of war and there’s just too much of that in our world now. So axe that. I’m trying for a feel good month. That reminds me I have 30 days to file my income tax and it is time to pay this month’s bills. Writing brings up my memory list of have-to-do’s. It is good for my brain as well as emotional health.

I want to do and write my best for this challenge but I’m not going to kill myself doing it. April is a busy month. Aren’t all months busy and tough though? I’m going to do my best but I’m not participating in the thread this time around. It will relief the stress of have-tos and must. I generally do read more than 2 other posts in the challenge. I like to do that on my own schedule. It will also be nice to know that someone is reading my post because it caught their interest and not because they ‘had’ to.

Well, here’s luck to us all.

THE END

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January 31. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

I’ve finally arrived at the end of January and the UBC. Have I accomplished all that I set out to do? Well, mostly. I’ve shown up almost every day, missing maybe a handful. Did I have fun? Yes! I made that a prerequisite.

February 1. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

I didn’t have enough in me yesterday to finish. I had a block. There was no flow, no words or thoughts. There was no fun. Rather than struggle and trying to push through it all, I let it go. I’m back to close up January and the Challenge. It’s been fast. It’s been slow. It’s long and then it’s gone like a flash. That’s how it is. That’s how life is. It’s a good reminder – to make the moments count. When the struggle is great, let go a little if possible and appropriate. In my art class, we’re instructed to do all work as potential Quality or Selected Artworks. Experiement, explore, revisit, reconstruct and refine. I like that approach in my writing also.

It’s been a good month and a good challenge with a diversified group. Lots of interaction and learning from each other. This is the end of the January Ultimate Blog Challenge. I look forward to the next one in a few months. Meanwhile, I shall babble on in my space. I’m a retired nurse. Perhaps I shall mumble about my experience. I had a dream last night – about nursing. It went as all dreams do. It didn’t make much sense. In waking life, I don’t think of myself as a nurse any more. But they make up most of my dreams. Is that telling? Maybe they need to be told, so I can let go of that role in my dreams, to be truly free. Till next time.

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

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January 30. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Sometimes the best laid plans can go asunder. That’s what happened to mine. I was already prepped for the gym – class booked, dressed and bag packed. I had 30 minutes to spare. My intention was to make some marks on this page as a springboard for an awesome post when I get back from exercise. As it was I got called by the guy to choose a free gift from this survey he was doing for ‘Costco’. I did not want any of the gifts and left it up to him. The gift was ‘worth’ $90 but he had to pay for shipment. I thought it was a bit odd. Then his credit card was rejected. I said use mine. It was moments after that we thought, hey, this is a scam. He doesn’t do shopping at Costco. I do. And he gets the email for the survey?

No harm done. We phoned our credit card companies and cancelled our cards and will be issued new ones. I will get billed for $13.00 at the most. Money is not the only cost here. It cost us peace of mind and all that energy we spent cancelling our cards. By the time I got off the phone to my credit card company, it was too late for my class. I was left with a bunch of bad jittery energy in me. I had to lose them so I headed out to the ski tracks.

It was no surprise that the parking lot was empty, being Monday morning and cold. But it was sunny and no wind. It was a peaceful winterland for me. Being the only traveller on the road, I did as I pleased, stopping in the track to take a photo, to blow my icy nostrils and to have a rest. No one had to side step around me. After making a round, I was able to let go of some if not all of my angst and carry on with what I had planned for the day.

The scammers weren’t finished with us. They don’t give up easily – calling us, too, on the guy’s cell and the house phone. They left a message – ‘this is not telemarketing, press 1 to continue. The good news is I’ve just checked my credit card account online. No transaction posted today and no further phone calls. I guess this is a good wakeup call to pay attention to those faint and funny warnings from within. If it is too good to be true, then it is. Nothing is free. Curb that desire for ‘free’.

Now it is almost 6 pm, that supper hour. I had hoped to have this written in early afternoon. I had hoped to have cleared and tidied up more. But I am grateful to get this waker upper, to be mindful and be in the moment, to pay attention to my life and to rid useless time wasting, energy depleting things that does nothing to enhance my life.

NOSTALGIA

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January 29. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

I had a lovely sleep last night and woke to a typical cold, -27℃ sunny January morning. Not too many of these left – the typical or the January. I’m feeling a bit of nostalgia for the old and familiar. Yesterday, Sheba’s photo popped up on Facebook from memories of 5 years ago. It was enough for my eyes to mist and my heart ache with missing her. It is not a bad thing, remembering love of my precious puppy. No matter how old she was, she’s always my puppy girl. I feel lucky that I have known such love.

Then in the evening, we watched Hanover Street with Harrison Ford, Christopher Plummer and Lesley-Anne Down. It was a movie made in 1979, a movie starting with the credits and ending with THE END. Surprising to see Harrison Ford and Christopher Plummer looking so young and lithesome. The romance was romantic with no raw eroticism. They left something for our imagination. The heroes were heroes to the end. It was so refreshing to escape from our present madness for just awhile.

Now I’m back to my real world. I hope I can get real enough to tend to my housekeeping chores after I’m finished here. I’ve been procrastinating and evading. I’m ending up with more boxes of ‘stuff’ because I don’t know what else to do with them. Every night I plan to deal with them in the morning. Every morning I feel overwhelmed looking at the mess of them. There is no good time and no good way to do it. No use checking out ‘how tos’ or Marie Kondo. I just have to DO it. Wish me luck. I cleaned out one storage unit of art supplies yesterday. Yay!

PERSPECTIVES

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January 26. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

It’s a bit disconcerting to wake up to above 0 temperature in January.

January 27. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

As you can see, I was too challenged to write much of anything yesterday. It is a different day altogether today. For one thing the weather has turned colder. The highs will be in the minus double digits for the next week. That is if things go along as predicted. I am focused on the weather for a good reason. I am sensitive to its changes. I find it helpful to write about it. I, then, will have a written record of how and when it casts its spell over me. It will aid me in adjusting and making changes to live a more easeful life.

I had difficulty sleeping the night before probably due to the change of above warm temperature turning cold overnight. I probably had about 4-5 hours of sleep. I was tired, feeling unwell and unfocused all day. I could do most activities of daily living but thinking and writing – forget that. It was impossible. I felt other worldly, detached and not myself. It could be that I am making excuses for my shortcomings. But it is illuminating how much lack of sleep can affect me. And to think that I was sleep deprived during most of my working life as a nurse. Scary thought, though. I hope I was a good nurse making sharp correct observations and decisions.

January 28. The Ultimate Blog Challenge.

It’s a Saturday morning coming down, waking up to -25℃. Holy cow! Two mornings ago, it was above 0. It’s no wonder I had a troubled sleep. Here I go again with the weather, eh. I went to bed sleepy but as soon as I hit the mattress, sleep escaped me. I became restless and tense. My throat dried up, my sinus dripped and I started coughing. It was no way to be. I got up, used my Nasonex, took a tylenol and willed myself to relax and hopeful to sleep. Eventually I did – for a short period until nature called. It took another long period before I got back to sleep.

I do not feel too bad this morning for lack of sleep. Instead of tired, I’m a bit wired. It’s not good energy to write anything profound but it’s good just to record things as they are. I’m annoyed that I have to go through these phases. So much time is wasted. Maybe it is what I need – this time to process, recalculate and reset. Sometimes I have to come to a standstill and look at things from a different perspective. It is only in the quiet and stillness that my body and soul can find their way back to ease. It is just there near that dip in the road and over the horizon. I am so close.