Tag Archives: life

LIKE THE FIRST MORNING

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Cat Stevens’ Morning Has Broken plays in my head every once in awhile. I heard it last night.

Morning has broken like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken like the first bird
Praise for the singing
Praise for the morning
Praise for them springing fresh from the Word Sweet the rain’s new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dew fall on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where His feet passMine is the sunlight
Mine is the morning
Born of the One Light Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning…

The song has a message for these times. The world as we knew doesn’t seem to be working any more. Covid-19 had us stopped in our tracks. We were in a lockdown, in a frozen moment. We could change. We had to change. So why are we back to what was even worse than before? Why are we so stupid about wearing a mask, keeping social distance and gathering within safe numbers? They seem simple enough to do, especially when our lives depend on compliance.

We were already masking up before the Covid. It’s not like it is a new phenomenon. Medical staff wear them in their work. Farmers wear them to protect them from grain dust and pesticides. Many labourers wear them in their jobs to protect their respiratory system from crap. Now we all need to wear them to protect our lives. So what is the problem? When the gathering was restricted to 12 people in a household, why does someone have a party of 50 people? So today’s Covid news in Saskatchewan is 2 deaths and 181 new cases. Our population is only a little over a million.

I’m losing my direction of where I am going here. It is late afternoon. The sun not only has gone, it never showed up at all today. I’m feeling a little dour. It is temporary. What I really want to impart is that this is the moment for us to change. This could be our first morning, sweet from the rain’s new fall. Let us not squander this opportunity. There are so many things we could do/change to save our planet and therefore ourselves. If we all do a little, it adds up to big.

A WALK /ONE DIFFICULT THING A DAY

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A Walk/One Difficult Thing a Day

I’ve left my mutterings too late tonight. However, I can make a start. What I won’t finish tonight, I will tomorrow. It’s been a full day for a natural snail like me. November can be dark. The mornings certainly are and I am feeling psychological unwell these mornings. I have to give myself an extra push and a talk. I tell myself it is the shortness of days and the darkness of the mornings that are colouring my mood. Once I get moving I will feel better. Sometimes my mood does get the better of me.

I work extra hard getting up in the dark of winter. There’s no light or sun to welcome me. I get up because it’s time. I get up to turn on the light and the warmth. And so it is the afternoon of the next day. I had to work no less hard this morning, rising and pushing back the dark. It’s a win once I’m up. There’s the morning rituals everyone has of brushing teeth and splashing water on your face. Then fill the kettle for tea and a breakfast of toast and grape jelly.

It’s Saturday. I got my swim morning back. Thank God that it’s not taken away again by rising Covid numbers. We don’t realize the value of things till they’re taken from us. I’m grateful to have this time to reflect on things small and large. Sometimes it is the smallest that matter the most. I love my winter Saturday mornings. I don’t quite love it the night before or the morning of. It always feel so difficult getting there in the cold and in the dark. But it is the after-swim-feel that I remember. It truly feels blissful. My body is warm, relaxed and so at ease.

It is this bliss that I work toward in all that I do. Sometimes I have to work through the difficult to get there. Knowing that makes it less difficult. Maybe the bliss comes from the difficulty of it. I try to do at least one difficult thing a day. Putting things away is in that category. I try to rinse my swim suit, goggles and cap as soon as I get home. It’s so easy for me to drop my bag in the kitchen and leave it till whenever. I waste so much time drinking tea and thinking about how hard everything is. I’m turning over another leaf till I fall off the wagon again.

Talking about tea, I feel the urge for another cup. Be back in a sec. Sometimes a tea break is not a bad thing. I put away the dried dishes waiting for the kettle to boil. I’ve done my hard tasks already. I can falter and stumble a little. I had my walk right after I did the lunch dishes. No dallying with a cuppa. No matter how grey the day, I always feel better instantly when I walk outside. The world seem to expand and I also. It works so I do the walk, even if it is just a short one.

Now the day and this post are done. Tomorrow is another day. Nothing much happening in the greenhouse. Yesterday with the sun the afternoon temperature got up to 22 degrees Celsius. Today was mostly cloudy with a bit of weak sun. I got up to maybe 12 C. Not all days are equal.

LETTUCE IN DECEMBER

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Lettuce in December

I have to admit that I’m still struggling to rise above – to write, to appease myself of so many things. I have to be satisfied with just getting an earlier start. I’ve been negligent of late. It’s making me angry with myself. I feel the ferocity of its bite. I know it is not healthy for me. I’m feeling and acknowledging it and letting it go its angry way. Its energy is at least useful in giving me a start. I should read Pema Chodron’s Don’t Bite the Hook.

I know I am obsessive sometimes. It is good and bad. The bad part is when it makes you think about something or someone, or doing something, too much or all the time. I have gotten fixated about a few things/people in my life time. It’s such a time waster. I need to work on this. There’s lots of suggestions online to get started. Did I tell you I’m obsessed with self improvement? Well, there’s the good and bad in it, too. Balance is the key.

A little fury helped get the dishes done and the bathroom floor washed. Golly, why is it so hard sometimes? It is a puzzle I don’t try to solve anymore. Blame it on the weather. Blame it on barometer pressures changes. It works for me. It was cold this morning, -26 degrees Celsius at 0600 according to Environment Canada. No wonder everything was stiff and frigid in the greenhouse – the geranium, kalanchoe, aloe vera and onions. It was -12 degrees C at 8:49 am. By 10:30 it had risen to 0 degrees C. At 2:30 pm, with the sun on the roof, the temperature rose to 20 degrees. At 5 pm the sun has set. The temperature had already dropped to 2 degrees C.

It seems impossible now to have fresh home grown lettuce in December. If I had the greens well established in the greenhouse, I am sure they would have survived into December. I guess I have to be satisfied that the greenhouse is all closed in before the snow. So much for this obsession. I haven’t given up though. I was looking at the sun shining on the bougainvillea and the herbs in the sunroom. There’s no reason why I couldn’t add a few pots of greens in the mix. I might have to move things around. It’s good incentive to clean and clear. Some obsessions are wonderful. They give you reasons to bounce out of bed, get dressed and go out in the cold to check the temperature.

RISING ABOVE

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Rising Above

Gosh, writing can be almost as difficult as doing the lunch dishes. I’ve got the dishes done, been out for a short trot around the ‘hood and did some snow removal. I’m a bit out of huff. However, I’ve had a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin and is sipping on a hot cup of tea. I shall try to rise above my writing inertia. I had skipped out yesterday. Too many skips and I might abandon ship altogether.

Last night we watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Meredith Grey was trying to rise above, trying to do the right thing. It reminds me of myself. I always try to do the right thing, rising above. The result is that I’ve become very resentful and angry sometimes. Because all my effort doesn’t seem to matter. Nothing good comes out of it. It was good to see that portrayed in Meredith, even if she is an actress. And that it is just a show. I see that I am not such a bad person after all. I’m just human like everyone else.

That’s what I love about the show. The characters are human and real. They have the good, bad and ugly in them. That’s what I have to remember about myself and others. I have to be a little generous, give everybody the benefit of the doubt and not be so judgemental. I don’t know anybody’s story except my own. Where am I going with this? I’m just snow shovelled weary and mumbling somewhat incoherently. I’m remembering yesterday’s happiness of having a nice neighbour. He was not only nice but had a snow blower, willing to help and have a friendly conversation.

I haven’t experienced that in such a long time. I’m a little delirious. And I am weary, trying to rise above to finish this post. The greenhouse temperatures are holding steady. It’s usually around -5 degrees C in the morning and +2-3 degrees C in the day when there is no sun. I don’t expect the greens I seeded to germinate now, but the few things I planted seemed to be ok still. I have to be satisfied just to observe things for the next 3 months. Nothing exciting will probably happen till late February, early March. I best settle down and use my energy planning for then. I think I’m a little over weary.

NO ORDINARY SNOW EVENT

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No Ordinary Snow Event

I guess we are well initiated to winter and snow shovelling now. The Saskatoon StarPhoenix’s headline was ‘No ordinary snow event’: Saskatoon digging out from blizzard. I didn’t think it was that bad – 35 plus centimeters. It’s alot of snow and some streets were impassable. The transit probably wasn’t running in some places. But I still remember 2007. We had 55 cm of snow then. I remember shovelling all day long to keep up. So this is a piece of cake.

No surprise that our exercise class, AM Energizer was cancelled. We did our own am energizer at home right after breakfast, shovelling. We were glad that we had done some shovelling before supper the day before. Even so, the snow was pretty deep in places. I had the shorter route of from house to the garage and greenhouse. The guy did the walk around to the front and the sidewalk. Then we went over to my parents’ house. I have snow shovelling service for them but you can’t always count on them to be there right away. We cleared a path to the front door and shovelled the back step so the back door could be opened. My mother, of course, tried to shoo us away.

It was a nice little storm, a slowing down into the season. I suppose some people might find the pace already slowed from the Covid but I am as busy as ever. I am as slow as ever, too. I’m a natural snail. I enjoyed the cocooning. The day was a bit of bliss for me, being sunny and all. I must be pretty fit for I didn’t mind the shovelling at all. It brought back memories of other heavy snowfalls when I was working. I remember the times I was stuck in the back alley coming home in the evening. There’s usually no one around to help. I would eventually get unstuck. But then there’s all that snow to shovel with work again in the morning. It was all very exhausting.

So this is a sweet spot for me now. There’s no pressure of time squeezes and going to work. No exhaustion at the end of a 12 hour shift. No getting up at the crack of dawn. No sleep deprivation. I’m learning to enjoy myself, to look ahead, prepare and tend to things before they start knocking at the door. I’m learning to let go of things that don’t matter. I’m learning when to speak and when not to. There’s a time for everything. And even in winter, the flowers still bloom.

YOU CALL THIS SNOW?

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You Call This Snow?

It’s an undeniable winter weekend. The Buddhas are up to their necks in snow. My little monk is barely visible. The cedar by the front door is heavily weighed down. There’s still traffic going by. But this is not as bad as the one in January of 2007. I remembered it well. It was the year I got Sheba. I remembered trying to walk her in the morning when she was still unwalkable. I was rather stupid back then. She was only 5 months old and I was a first time dog owner.

I did give up soon enough. We just went around the block. Snow was falling and kept falling. I had to shovel almost every hour, or so it seemed. At one point I phoned SPCA to ask what my options were if I couldn’t handle having a dog. I wasn’t thinking of giving up on Sheba but just in case. My woman said, Don’t come out today! We’re closing. But she gave me info for just in case. I was lucky that I didn’t have to work that day. If I had, I probably wouldn’t be able to get home by the end of the shift. Traffic was at a crawl. Even the buses weren’t running. My nephew had to walk home from university in deep snow.

I’m feeling pretty lucky now that I’m retired. The house is well stocked with food and toilet paper. I don’t have to go anywhere. I did make a couple of trips out to the greenhouse. I haven’t stopped being stupid. It’s pretty dumb to think that I could still put in a crop of greens in November. I don’t think that they will germinate any time soon. There’s nothing wrong with being stupid. The seeds will keep in the dirt. They will germinate when conditions are right. I’ve seeded spinach in the fall before. They germinated in the spring. Spring will come sooner in the greenhouse. Nothing is lost.

We went out in late afternoon to do a shovel. It’s good to be able to open the front door without snow falling in. There’ll be less to shovel in the morning. I did a last check on my babies in the greenhouse. Everything holding steady. The temperature inside has been around -2 degrees Celsius. It could get colder overnight. So be it. I wonder how Sheba would have reacted to the change in the yard. I miss her and our spruce trees. I had Sheba for almost 14 years, the spruce for 40. For everything gained, there is a loss. For every loss, there is a gain. Life anew.

COME SATURDAY SNOW

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Come Saturday Snow

I’m looking forward to have a rest day tomorrow. I’ve had a full but good day. The prediction of a snow storm for the weekend was correct. I’m feeling the storm within. I’m feeling Caroline Myss’s statement of what is in one is in the whole. What’s in the universe is in me. It is a heavy feeling. I hope it passes soon.

I was happy to get my Saturday morning swim back. All the better that it is an hour later than the pre Covid time of 8 am. It wasn’t exactly a crowd but there were 4 more bodies than my previous pool all to myself. It is rather sad that it took a pandemic to make people stay home and not go south of the border. We have plenty of good stuff to enjoy. Too bad for me though. I lost my own private winter pool. But it was good for me to share and to swim a little faster. Some people are nervous. I could feel their frenzy in the water. I was happy enough to step out after doing 18 lengths.

The snow started coming down heavier in the afternoon. I was glad to get to the library after my swim. Two of my reserved books have arrived – Brave New Medicine and The Art of Fermentation. Both have very good reviews. I love Michael Pollan’s forward in the latter. He describes fermentos as a most interesting, eccentric and generous bunch. I like to think of myself belonging to such a group. To date, my fermentation adventure includes making sourdough bread and pancakes, yogurt, kimchi, kombucha and fermenting beans and Jerusalem artichoke. It is very rewarding. The book promises more.

Looks like winter and snow is going to stay. I don’t really mind. The snow makes everything look clean and lightens up the darker mornings and earlier evenings. We got our greenhouse finished just in time. It’s a good thing I rescued the little onions from the garden yesterday. It’s something already a little green I can plant in the greenhouse. Today I thought of the geranium and some succulents that can tolerant some cold. And I seeded some radish. The passive solar greenhouse is a total new thing to us. It is fun to experiment to see what can and cannot be done. What I could lose are a few seeds and plants. I will gain much fun and knowledge. It will all fill my spirit.

WEEKEND STORM COMING

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Weekend Storm Coming

It is Friday. Environment Canada has a winter storm watch for the weekend. I’m feeling the storm already. I cancelled my aerobics class this morning. I’m in a mood. I don’t always believe in keeping a stiff upper lip and hang in there. Some days I just have to phone in sick even when I’m retired. Enough is enough.

We’re expected to get 10 – 15 cm. of snow on Saturday. Sunday is supposed to get worse with heavy snow. It is sunny at the moment. 6 degrees Celsius. There’s an ominuous feel in the air. It is in tune with what is happening in the world today. With Covid-19 increasing, why are some people deliberately putting themselves and others more at risk by having a house party of 50 people? And how can a president of a country keep repeating that he is being cheated out of the election when there’s no proof? I am, of course, feeling bluish. I am repeatedly paying attention to bad stuff.

Meanwhile in the greenhouse, it is 22 degrees Celsius. I planted a few small onions in the raised bed inside. They had been crowded out by the garlic in summer and remained small but had set roots. We’ll see if they will do ok with the transplant. While I was at it, I seeded some mixed baby lettuce and Asian Greens – the same as I had in the planters. Now I will wait and see. If my mood improves, I might seed some leeks in the house and transplant them when they’re bigger. This is a brand new adventure. I don’t have to follow rules. I can just experiment and find out for myself what works and what doesn’t. It’s mostly what I’m already doing.

How’s your day? I keep rehashing my usual litany of nonsense. It’s problem solving for me in a way. But perhaps I should just keep it on the page. It’s works better that way. I see my words, sentences and thoughts march across my screen. I can edit, I can delete. And I feel better tapping out my angst. The rhythm soothes and smooths me. I shall skip my walk, too. The sky look like the colour of dirty dish water. Nothing inviting about that. I shall put away the baked bread cooled on the racks and rescue the cooked pumpkin from the Instant Pot. Perhaps I shall bake some pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. I love the colour orange. I love the smell of chocolate chips baking.

WHY I BOTHER

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Why I Bother

I often wonder why I bother with a lot of things. I get into these mood sets. It’s habits that keep me moving. I’m feeling quite blasé with my November adapted NaNoWriMo writing. I wonder if my readers are feeling as bored with it as I am. But then I came across a post in Brevity, Write Anyways and I feel heartened once more. So here’s on with the show.

This morning the U.S. election results are still the same with Biden at 264 and Trump at 214. So why is America so great? It takes them forever to run the election and forever to get the final results. Why am I talking about it anyways? Habit, a bad one this time. I have many of them. I should be focusing on important issues but my mind is wandering – I would like another cuppa, I want to do my cross stitch, I should put away my laundry. The list(mental) goes on. At least I can say I am aware of it. Now I can settle down to the heart of this post.

It’s really not as easy as that. I couldn’t settle down to the heart of things. I was restless. I wrestled with myself for awhile. Then I had to move around. I wandered down the stairs. I settled my restless energy on cleaning and tidying an area. I have many of those throughout the house. I have to match each area to the state of my mental and physical energy. Do you know what I mean? No? Well sometimes one spot is too hairy for me to deal with. So I move onto a different one. On a different day, I can come back to it.

Now the day is almost gone. I did have another cuppa. I got 2 rows of cross stitch on Jesus in. I’m ready to get back to the heart of this post which is contained in this video. I was excited by it this morning. I have always been passionate about sustainability. I am interested in living with as little as possible. I don’t mean in a self depriving way. I want to find meaning without ‘meaningless’ consumption. We each have our own idea of meaningful and meaningless. I’m not here to judge but to find my way.

Finding and knowing my passion gives me fuel on days when I’m feeling ‘why bother’. There are many moments in my daily life when I just want to sink into the couch/chair and while them away. I think it is part of our ‘natural’ inclinations. Then something gives us a spark. We get up and chase after it. It’s how I am anyways.

Today was warm but not an especially sunny day. I was feeling maudlin gathering up the lunch dishes. I thought of cancelling my daily without-Sheba walk. But then the sun came out. I feel myself perking up like a drooping flower. Well, I had to go for my walk. It’s time with my puppy girl though she’s not here. I was just leisurely strolling but it was still good for my heart.

Our greenhouse now has a real door with a latch. The raised beds are built. The soil brought in. Tomorrow I shall plant some onions and seed some greens. Snow is coming on Saturday. It shall be an interesting winter.

POLITICAL & CLIMATE CHANGE

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Political & Climate Change

It’s difficult to be cheerful and optimistic when you watch the American election. Neither candidate, Trump or Biden are young men at 74 and 77 respectively. Neither looked in the best of health. I haven’t been following their campaign but I have heard the President talk on TV many times before. And I just want to turn him off. I’ve just listened to former NYC mayor Rudi Giuliani speak on NowThis News about the corruption of the Democrats on mail in vote fraud. It is very distressing, watching all this. I shall stop right now.

It is a f’ing frightening time in the world now. I hear no talk of climate change on the political stage. Theres no talk of plans of how to slow and reverse climate change. The politicians are only interested in attacking each other. As for our news, it’s all Covid and then the elections. We’ve been bombarded with our own provincial, civic and now the U.S elections. What about the other stuff happening in the rest of the world? What about our planet? Does anything else matter any more if there is no earth?

Oh, let me pull back to my corner of concern – growing food. It is something I/we all can do. It is my passion along with sustainability. I shall adopt Patrick Dolan’s approach of one yard revolution at a time. I love all his videos. They are a wealth of information and enjoyable to watch. Today, I learned some new vegetables to grow – claytonia and Egyptian walking onions. Claytonia is also good for cool weather. I’ve just discovered West Coast Seeds online this year. They have a wide selection of Asian vegetables being on the west coast where there’s a large Asian population. They have the claytonia, jade dragon bitter melon and winter spinach. I’m eager to try them out.

The door to our greenhouse went up today. Needs some fixings but everything is all closed in. We have a couple of warm days left. Can’t believe that tomorrow’s high is 18 degrees Celsius. Then there’s snow on Saturday. No climate change, eh? Oh, whatever!