Tag Archives: life is hard

IF I HAD MY DRUTHERS – Day 165-166 in a year of…

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Day 165-166, January 8, 2017 @2:15 pm

img_8943If I had my druthers, I would be napping right now instead of sitting here, painfully tapping out my words one by one. If I had my druthers, I wouldn’t have made another batch of yogurt, experimented with a tracing technique from my oneline art class. I wouldn’t have sorted my knitting baskets. They would still be overflowing with yarn tangled into each other, knitting needles, measuring tape and what have you. If I had my druthers, nothing would get done. Life would be a f***ing mess.

These difficult cold days of January, I’m trying to change my thinking towards the ‘hardness’ of life. I try not to think and just do it. Sometimes it takes an extra cup of tea/coffee, a glass of wine, extra time…whatever it takes. Today I’m employing mindfulness. I don’t try to understand the why of things. Some things/questions have no answers. Do you find it hard to bend over and pick up something dropped on the floor? I do. I drather walk around it even though it takes the same amount of time and energy? How ridiculous is that? I don’t try to figure it out. Instead I stand there, however long it takes to bend over, and pick it up. Now I have to go and get that extra cup of coffee. It’s what’s called a delaying tactic. It’s okay. I allow myself that.

img_8944I’m back with my coffee. On the way I saw a coil of dental floss on the floor. I bent down, picked it up and put it in the trash. It was not painful. Hallelujah!

It’s almost time to walk the dog. She’s been fussing for the last half hour. If I had my druthers, I would nap.

 

 

MAGIC AND HEROES – Day 162-164 in a year of…

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Day 162-164, January 6, 2017 @1:36 pm

img_8921I have forgotten how hard winter and January can be. I am glad that I am not one who makes New Year’s Resolutions. I would be setting myself up for failure. I have forgotten how hard life can be even though I experience it every day. Short term memory can be a wonderful thing. So forgive my short term grumblings. One needs to ventilate and not be afraid to clear out bad vibes and energies. I am cleaning my plate, palette/canvas for a new start.

img_8923Have I told you about my new hero? The other day I was experiencing all my ‘uglies’ whilst still in bed, in the dark of the morning. I recognized this is what I feel. This is my reality on some days. It would be better for me to accept and find ways to utilize these times for my benefit instead of moaning. It would be better than being worn down by them. What a moment of synchronicity to read an article on this very thing upon rising! The article is about B.J. Miller, a doctor and a triple amputee. He surely would know what hard is after losing 3 of his limbs as a young man. But he refused to feel sorry for himself.

Miller refused, for example, to let himself believe that his life was extra difficult now, only uniquely difficult, as all lives are. He resolved to think of his suffering as simply a “variation on a theme we all deal with — to be human is really hard,” he says.

I said WOW! This is magic. It was as if you were googling for some wanted thing. Before you know it, it would show up on the sidebar on your Facebook page. I have a feeling that the Universe is my page. It can read my wants and desire. It’s true that if you want something bad enough, you will find it.

img_7885This is not to say that life is not difficult anymore. I still have all my uglies. I see them in a slightly different light. Now I think of them as gifts pointing me in difference directions and helping me realizing different horizons. I believe that it is possible to fly to the moon and play among the stars.

 

 

 

LIFE WITH ROCKS AND EDGES

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It’s been a little while since we’ve talked.  It feels like forever.  I worry that I might not find my voice again.

Life is hard.  That is how M. Scott Peck started his book The Road Less Travelled.  It is true.  Life indeed is very hard.  Though I have vowed not to use words like ‘hard’, ‘overwhelmed’ and such, I have succumbed and failed yet again.  I have found everything so hard and I have been overwhelmed by all of life.

I have given up on the National Novel Month in November before it started and without even a whimper.  I have not written anything for a week or more, not even 100 words for Friday Fictioneers.  My imagination seems to have vanished along with my drive and stick- with-it attitude.  What can one do?

When the going gets tough and the wind is against you, it’s hard climbing that mountain.  You slip and slide and tumble down the mountain side.  You get up and fall again a few more times.  You get tire.  You throw in the towel. The hell with it!  I’m going to rest.  After all, isn’t there a song about these are the best years of my life?  I can cry quit if I want to. can’t I?

This is where I am.  I’ve finally caught my breath.  It’s been a tough grind.  I am wondering what happened to the HAPPY RETIREMENT adventures, dreams, free to do as you please, etc. etc.  I’ve just been through 3 days without running water – water main break.  I know, small thing.  Half the world probably still doesn’t have flushing water and taps on demand. But if you have it and they take that away, 3 days is a long time.  So I’m a cry baby.  Shoot me.

I really don’t like complaining, but I’ve been sick for over 2 weeks since coming home from France.  Now I’m really whining.  Why not?  Might as well give it good go.  Though I’m much better, I’m still coughing up my stomach occasionally.  It gets to you after a while.

To top it off, my financial planner put all my RRSPs into a RRIF without a meeting, without talking to me and without my signature.  How is that possible?  How scary is that? Then she tells me she shouldn’t have done it, but I have to sign.  I said, no thank you.  I will not!  So many frigging times, I have been told someone pushed the wrong button. Oops but I can’t get it back.  Bullshit!

That is correct.  Buttons can be unpushed.  Mistakes can be corrected.  Don’t let people bull doze you.  There are laws and regulations.  Stand firm. Believe in yourself.  Push back. Be polite and respectful though.  There’s no need to cuss.  Do so when you are alone.

 

 

NOT ALL DAYS ARE EQUAL

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Some days are hard.  Life is hard.  Sometimes it takes a week before I can take the towels out of the dryer.  The words don’t come. When they do, they are dryer than dry.

IMG_0993The sun came out today.  I thought that would make me happy but it only made my glumness take hold.  It was thick.  It made it difficult to keep my eyes opened. My legs felt like cement pillars.  But I did try to run with Sheba this morning.

It was not a total success.  No surprise there, right?   I wondered at the perfectly manicured green lawns along our route.  Where did people find the energy? Why did they care? They were beautiful, these lush, thick emerald carpets.  Even in my state of mind, I appreciated them.

We entered the park.  The heaviness eased its burden, for how can it not – amidst God’s green acres.  The beauty was too great and it fled, its dark tail between cement legs.  I was freed to enjoy God’s creations, if only for moments.

WonderWomanV5

Wonder Woman. Art by Terry Dodson Wikipedia

No all days are equal.  I know that for sure.  Days like today will come again and I will weather it again.  So the towels sit in the dryer for a few days.  No harm done.  My words will play hide and seek with me but they always come back.  I need not be a hero and scale walls of tall buildings.  I am only Wonder Woman and not Spider Man.  I can use these boots and just walk around them. Life continues.