IS IT TRUE?

Photo on 2014-07-21 at 2.29 PMYesterday, I discovered exercise was the best medicine for my nervous jumping heart.  I was grateful for the loud music next door that pushed me onto my bike.  It was nice my SO (Significant Other) accompanied me.  We headed off to the library.

I kept my nervousness to myself.  No point voicing it, giving it strength.  I inhaled and exhaled.  I pedalled, pumping my legs up and down.  I saw them as pistons firing smoothly, moving the blood through my heart chambers, then out to the rest of my body.  I was safe.

We are at the library.  I find 2 books by my favourite kick-ass author, Janet Evanovich, Notorious Nineteen and Smokin’ Seventeen.  The titles alone give off more energy than spinach.  Look out, Popeye!  Wait, I’m not done yet.  Here is Olivia Chow’s memoir, My Journey waiting for me.  I hope she will win the mayorship of Toronto.  That Rob Ford need to be ousted.  You must know who he is.  He has been talked about on all the late shows in the U.S.A. – Kimmel, Letterman, Jon Stewart….

I found Amy Tan’s The Valley of Amazement in the next aisle.  I discovered her through the movie, The Joy Luck Club.  Reading her memoir, The Opposite of Fate, was like finding myself.  I recognized myself in her, my mother in her mother Daisy.  The lives of Chinese immigrants in America had the same familiar ringtone – even Olivia Chow’s.  I felt that Amy and Olivia were like my sisters.

I found one more book I could not resist – Byron Katie’s I Need Your Love – Is That True? I know, I know.  I wasn’t going to read any more self-help books for awhile but who could resist a topic like love.  And she asked a good question, Is it true?

photo curtesy of Rod McLaren

photo curtesy of Rod McLaren

Now I am done.  We load my treasures in my SO’s cargo bike and head for home.  I am relaxed, breathing in and out, pedalling easy and steady, not rushing, not worrying, not anxious.  My heart is in its place.  It’s pumping rhythmically in even strokes.  It’s singing that everything is fine.  And it is true.

 

SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS

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I lost my battle to inertia today, sleeping in till after 8.  Then after breakfast, I curled up with a book in the sun room and lost myself in its pages.  It was wonderful laying in the sun, wrapped in my quilt…..living other people’s lives, feeling their emotions and not having to deal with anything real.   I didn’t even make dinner.

But you can handle only so much inertia before you start feeling not so great.  I felt all the weariness of others’ guilt, anger and remorse.  And they’re not even real people but made up, fictitious.  How stupid is that?  But I knew there was a lesson for me in that book.  And I had to get to the end of it.  And so I sped ahead to the last chapters.  Then backtracked to the middle to complete the story.

You see, I have no patience, even in my fatigue.  I cannot do one thing at a time, in order, no more than I can read one page at a time in the order they were put together.  I suppose it is not that huge a revelation. but it is some kind of awakening.  I will have to slow down and learn to dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s.  I might miss too many things along life’s road if I don’t.

I finally did manage to get myself up off the couch.  It was a very painful process.  And Sheba and I went for our walk.  It was equally painful but the important thing was we still did it.  Some days are just better than others.