ONCE UPON A TIME

January 20, day 20 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Once in awhile, thoughts of yesteryear would pop up in my head. It seems that I had so much more free time then, even though I was still working. I would remember lounging mornings in the sunroom with my toast and tea, listening to CBC on the radio. They had so many interesting and informative programs. Now I hardly listen anymore. When I do on rare occasions it is all about the pandemics, vaccines and bad news or repeats. I wonder what has happened to our national radio station. I wonder if the government is trying to dumb us up.

I’m trying to smarten myself up. I’m trying not to get my panties get tied up over things that don’t matter a damn. Maybe then, I can recoup some of my lounging time. Right now I’m letting Roomba zoom around in the bedroom picking up dust and lint. Meanwhile, I run a wet mop over the hallway floor and the stairs where Roomba refuses to go. I’m learning to be more efficient, not letting thoughts get in my way, wasting my time. Oops, I just remember there’s nothing for lunch!

Once upon a time, I liked to stir fry but now it seems like so much work, so time consuming. But, alas, I have nothing to pop in the oven except pizza. I’ve done that just the other day. I racked my brains. What can I make? I dug out some frozen ground beef to defrost in the microwave. I brought up some onions and a butternut squash. I can make a beef stew in the Instant Pot. It means work but what can I do? I have to stop those It’s work thoughts. Instead I should look at it’s building more neurons in my brain. It’s good for me. My brain is racing ahead and my fingers are tapping like mad. I have to take a break to breathe slow.

My break is over. I can’t say that I’m feeling any better. I just poked myself in the eye. I did have a headache but it is replaced by my sore eye. Funny how these things happen. The other day I was showing my friend this special eye ointment for dry eye. It was still on the dining room table. Maybe that was an invitation for my accident. It is teaching me to put things away, back in their places. I hope I have learned a lesson.

At any rate, lunch is cooking away in the Instant Pot. It was a bit of a chore washing and chopping up the veggies. I threw in onions, celery, a small butternut squash and 1/2 cup dried Swedish beans. I guess you can call it a stew or chili. I don’t have a recipe for it. I use what I feel like and have. For spices, I added pepper, a couple of star anise, some cilantro seeds, cayenne and a bit of soy sauce. Ok, it is Chinese stew/chili. I am sure it will be good. I look like I paint – intuitively.

My eye is feeling better. Once upon a time, I would have freaked out with anxiety. Once upon a time I would have trashed myself. Why am I so stupid? Why did I do this or that? And why didn’t I……Now I know better. It was an accident. I was feeling tired. I had a headache. I wasn’t alert. There was no fault. I could blame the weather. It has warmed up quite a bit from yesterday. Such sudden changes affect me negatively. I can’t control the weather but I can schedule more lounging times.

LET’S TALK ABOUT IT

My morning self is a more positive side even in this sea of grief that we are presently in. At some point last night, I had to stop watching the vigil honouring the Humboldt Broncos.  Otherwise, it would be difficult to extricate myself from overwhelming sadness. As it is the thoughts of the accident and deaths are always there, just beneath the surface.

April can be such a hard month. The sky is grey. It is snowing. Spring is not ready to show itself. On this morning memories of other tragic accidents surface. Young lives were lost in those motor vehicle mishaps from high school days. We were given the information at the time. Someone died. But there was no counselling and talk sessions after. Perhaps it is better now  to have all this media coverage.  We need to hear all the stories as much as the people need to tell them. So good that there’s emotional and psychological support available to people so quickly. We have come a long ways in dealing with trauma.

I shall meander through this time as best as I can. It is not my sadness but we all share the same space, breathe the same air. We are all bonded in our humanity. Let me not shy away from what is here. It is not my sadness. It is not my story but I can sit and listen. I will shed some tears but I will be okay.

 

 

 

LIVING WITH/WITHOUT MAC

Photo on 2014-07-10 at 2.08 PMHere I am on the fast track again.  I’ve been limping along on my old PC since June 28th, having killed my MacBook with a big splash of white wine.

It was a sobering moment.  It stopped me cold.  I sat transfixed, staring at my wet keyboard.  I was not quick to the draw to shut it down, unplug it or to throw a towel over it.  Instead when I came unstuck, I turned the computer upside down to rid the wine.

That was when the lights flickered out and the rest/Mac was history.  It sat in a bag of rice in the basement for over a week.  It had to come out.  We were running out of rice.  I should/could have ran it to the Mac Store just a few blocks down the street.  I should/could have done a lot of things differently.  BUT I didn’t.  I did take it there two days ago.  Too late!  The hard drive was okay and the data was migrated into my new iMac.

Here are some lessons from the accident:

  • Don’t have liquids nearby to be spilled.  Coffee, tea with cream and sugar are most damaging.  Sugar corrodes.
  • Turn computer off right away. Unplug.  I would dry laptop right away before turning it upside down.  That’s when the wine dripped into it for me.
  • Run it to Apple Store.
  • Do not try to turn it on till cleaned/fixed.  It could cause more damage.
  • Buy another better and bigger computer if can’t/cost too much to repair old one.
  • Get an external hard drive to back up your stuff.
  • After learning the lesson, forget the incident and enjoy the new computer.

I was a little distressed over the incident.  Who wouldn’t be – my photos/writing AND the financial expense.  But I had read a lot of self help books on attachments, etc. etc.  It was a perfect time to put all that into use.  What was done was done.  So how was I to proceed now?

You know the saying that there are no accidents.  I believe that it’s true.  The ‘accident’ is a prod to awaken me to something else.  I have been sleeping at the wheel too much.  It is time that I wake up and take direction/control of where I am going.  That is the way I looked at it.

I’ve been working on my HP PC and Windows this past week or so.  It gets frustrating learning old stuff with a slower connection and on an old PC.  I see in the moment that I need to be more- much more patient than I am.  The past week of navigating on the old PC has helped me tremendously – patience wise and stimulating new brain cells.

I had to device new and different ways of getting around the PC’s sputters and hiccoughs. The Mac had none of that and did everything for me so slick and fast.  It did put me into a trance.

Trances can be costly in many ways.  But I’m still ahead.  I’m enjoying the slick and smooth of Apple.  I’m enjoying the the pictures that I thought were lost forever.

SUMMER TIME

IMG_5235It is summer time and I am looking out the window at the greenest green.  It is ironic that I am feeling my bluest blue.  Beneath the blue I can feel my red anger bubbling through at the Power that made me this way.  But I suppose that HE has a reason.  That is what Caroline Myss says.  There are no accidents.  There is a plan, a story, a drama to be played out.  I will wait and see.

I will sit and stay with my feelings and not run away.  If I expect Sheba to listen to me, I have to listen to myself first.  Sit and stay.  Nothing will hurt me…. even when the clouds cast a shadow over me,  I feel my skin crawl and someone is walking over my grave.  Sit and stay.  Everything is copacetic…A okay!

I sit and count my blessings.  I sit and feel my discomfort, my pain.  I sit and do my breath counts. I sit and plan my projects, the books I will write…on my life and times as a child in China, as an immigrant in a small town, as a nurse, as a…… I breathe in and out, counting the cross stitches on my Jesus picture.  I see the loaves of bread and the potato biscuits I made yesterday.  I sit and see the joy running in Sheba and I know that there is a higher power and purpose and know that this, too, shall pass.

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And now, it is time to get up and MOVE…and do all those ordinary little things that add up to a life.