THEN AND NOW

A good afternoon to you on this 7th day of the November Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is past the noon hour. No snow yet so the mornings are dark. I slept in! It was still pitch black at 7:30 am. My blackout curtains are also working too well. I made them last fall because my next door neighbour started to keep her outside garage light on 24/7 as security. It is mounted high, casting a bright light at night over her backyard as well as ours. The light goes through the aluminum venetians and reflects it onto our bedroom walls. It was rather disturbing for sleep. Negotiations was too difficult. The curtains was my beneign solution.

We had a late breakfast, our usual Sunday fare of bacon, eggs and sourdough pancakes. It’s quite filling. I can delay lunch a bit, sip my tea and lay out the foundation for today’s post. Our digital maestro, Paul Taubman, suggested writing “about where you have been, where you are now, and where you see yourself going in the future.” I thought I would take it literally and talk about my physical where have I been.

I was born in a tiny village on main land China in the Taishan region in the province of Guandong. The name of my village (san eng) means mountain top. It’s all very complicated especially when it come to passports nowadays. In the past, I’ve always put Canton, the old name for guandong for my birthplace. Now immigration is super picky. They want the name of the actual town even though they can’t find or verify it on the map. So I had to make it up. It’s very difficult to translate it phonetically. The immigration person couldn’t find it, of course, but it was acceptable. Strange, isn’t it?

our house in China

I was born before we had electricity. So it’s been a few years. I saw my first electric lightbulb when I was six in a hotel room in the city of Canton. My mother and I along with 3 cousins and their grandmother were on our way to Hong Kong to join my father. It would be my first time seeing my father since I was 2. He had immigrated to Canada and now we were meeting up in Hong Kong. It was tricky for my mother and I to get out of Communist China. I have vague memories of mother going to Taishan City to get this and that paper. And it was who we knew that helped us.

I think my father stayed with us in Hong Kong for a year or so before heading back to Canada. That’s how my sister came to be. At first we lived in rented rooms in someone else’s flat. We were able to share the kitchen. That’s how alot of people lived. After awhile my paternal grandfather sent money from Canada and we bought our own flat. It had 3 bedrooms. My paternal grandmother and my 2 uncles were already in Hong Kong ahead of us. We all lived together.

I can’t remember how long after my father left for Canada that my grandmother and my younger uncle also left. Then it was my older uncle. That left my mother, my sister and I. My mother’s family was worried about mom alone with 2 children. My mother’s sister and younger brother came to live with us to help out and keep us company. Then it was our turn to leave for Canada. My sister was not quite 2. Here’s our family photo before we left.

This is turning into a long story. The short of it is we ended up in Maidstone, Saskatchewan, a small town of 600 then. It had electricity but no running water and no flush toilets. I was almost back to where I started out in China. Though I had lived in the big city of Hong Kong for 2 years, I don’t remembered being frazzled by the drastic change in my environment. I did have a sense that the lights had gone out. I had a vision that Canada would be full of colourful balloons and cotton candy. The adults called it Gold Mountain. How was I to know?

Enough for now. It is getting late. Tomorrow is another day. Perhaps I can talk about the now, how I ended up here, in Saskatoon, later on. You are always welcome to come back.

A SATURDAY IN NOVEMBER

A very good Saturday morning to you. It is still rather cool at 10 am. It is 1℃. The sun is just coming out. Welcome again to my writing space on this 6th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is too early to say I’m still going strong. I’ll save it for the middle of the challenge. I like to lay down a few thoughts and sentences to get things going. I can’t jump in with both feet. I have to let things simmer and percolate slowly. Like wise our passive solar greenhouse in November. Everything is still growing but ever so slowly. I have rolled up the shade to let the light and sun in. There’s not much excitement going on now except the lettuce. They seem to be able to grow new leaves overnight. They are a welcome sight when I open the door. So fresh and green! We can still have fresh salads every other day.

I’m glad I started this conversation this morning. It’s late afternoon and I’m running out of steam. We just came back from our walk around the hood. Yesterday we went out to the Richard St. Barbe Baker Afforation area. It was our first time here. The day was sunny and warmer than today. The park was beautiful, awashed in autumn sun. I wished Sheba was still with us. More than a few people and their dogs showed up so I got my dog and nature fix.

Today we watched the online event celebrating the Jubilee celebration 50 years after Richard St. Barbe Baker received his honorary doctorate at the University of Saskatchewan. I’ve only learned of the man a few years ago. And what an interesting man Richard St. Barbe Baker was. Strange how I can live in this city for so many years and only heard of this place and man recently. It is true the most valuable jewels are those within our reach.

The sun has set. It is time to roll down the ‘blanket’ in the greenhouse to keep the heat in. I fed all the plants with homemade LAB (lactic acid bacteria) earlier. I’m hoping to give them enough of a boost to keep them going till December. It’s wonderful what you can learn on YouTube. The LAB is made with just rice water wash and milk. You not only get a liquid fertilizer but curds to make cheese. I have to warn you the LAB is a little smelly but the plants don’t mind at all. I made only a small batch since it’s my first attempt. I didn’t want to waste my milk if it doesn’t work. It does and I made a little cheese. The cheese wasn’t exactly gourmet but was good – like feta. The LAB has other uses besides as a fertilizer. I love learning to make my own stuff.

It is time to close shop. Tomorrow is another day. I hope you will drop in again for a cuppa and a chat.

STUMBLES, HICCOUGHS and LETTING GO

LETIING GO

Another beautiful morning for the 5th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Welcome to my space. I thought I would lay a few bricks for today’s post before I get too caught up in the cobwebs of daily life. I am feeling brighter and more energetic since I’ve joined the challenge. Having a goal adds purpose to my day. I look forward each day to sitting here with my cuppa and sharing my thoughts and words with you. November is not only a writing month but a month of hope. I am taking advantage of Sounds True’s free 4 day event on Activating Hope. Jane Goodall is a keynote speaker. That says it all for me.

It is interesting to learn that Jane had no experience or degree when she started work as a secretary with Louis Leakey And my renowned art professor, Dorothy Perehudoff, had a degree in biology before she took up art. I still have time to become a good artist or whatever. We are not just one thing. We are always evolving and there are more than one destination on our life journey. Being such, there’s bound to be a few hiccoughs and stumbles along the way. Jane Goodall was no exception. Though she had many awards and recognition, she had criticisms as well. She was accused of plagarism in her book, Seeds of Hope. She acknowledged, apologized and move on.

On 22 March 2013, Hachette Book Group announced that Goodall’s and co-author Gail Hudson’s new book, Seeds of Hope, would not be released on 2 April as planned due to the discovery of plagiarised portions.[87] A reviewer for The Washington Post found unattributed sections that were copied from websites about organic tea, tobacco, an “amateurish astrology site”, as well as from Wikipedia.[88] Goodall apologised and stated, “It is important to me that the proper sources are credited, and I will be working diligently with my team to address all areas of concern. My goal is to ensure that when this book is released it is not only up to the highest of standards, but also that the focus be on the crucial messages it conveys.”[89] The book was released on 1 April 2014, after review and the addition of 57 pages of endnotes.[90]

That is what I must do also for my stumbles and hiccoughs – move on. They are not failures. They are lessons to stop falling into the same rabbit hole again and again. I am a slow learner. I hang onto things and people like my Sheba with a bone. There’s no wisdom in doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. No wonder I feel like a gerbil on a wheel. I can’t believe how long I keep telling the same story over and over. Now that I had my moment of recognition, of knowing, of seeing how and why I’ve been treading water all these long years, I need to adopt a new course of action. I need to let go of things that no longer serve me. I need to tell a new story.

IF WE WERE HAVING COFFEE

A very warm welcome back to my writing space. Today is day 4 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. If we were having coffee together, what will we talk about? Writing/living consciously and intentionally is very hard work. I was exhausted after yesterday’s effort. You see I used to write/live by the seat of my pants. It worked and is desirable for a coffee conversation but not optimum if I want to write a book/my memoir or ‘get ahead in life.’ I’ve had to adjust my aim/goals accordingly. Instead of writing that book, I’ve settled for writing this blog. I’ve settled doing UBC instead of the NaNoWriMo because how can I possibly write 50,000 words in 30 days?

I’ve settled for things because it is easier. It was not an intentional thought or action but rather just going with the flow. I have done ok – a successful career and life. It was good enough was my often, much used retort. It was good enough BUT I could do better. It’s never too late. Now is the perfect moment. I’m inspired by a story I’ve just come across. It’s about a woman who climbed El Capitan on her 70th birthday. She took up mountain climbing at age 60. Then I found the story of the oldest man who climbed the same mountain, 81 year old Gerry Bloch. You’re never too old.

I’m not going to take up mountain climbing, bungee jumping or even downhill skiing. Taking up cross country skiing last year was exciting enough for me. I am happy to recognize and accept my limits. I don’t have to be the oldest daredevil on the steep slopes. If I can coast down the snowy bumps in our local park without falling, it’s more than good enough. I fell down and up the bumps alot last winter. There’s lots of room for improvement. A few weeks ago I bought an all new ski package – boots, poles and no wax skis. Tomorrow I hope to get snow pants from Amazon. I am ready to get better- when the snow comes.

If we were having coffee, the words would come alot easier. I have no end of things to talk about. I was a nurse for over 30 years so I’ve talked alot to many people. I got good at talking about nothing in those years. My dream when I graduated from high school was to become an artist. Everybody told me I was good at it. My grade one teacher told my dad that even before I learned how to speak English. I believed everyone so I majored in fine arts at university. No one told me I had to work at it. I thought if I was really good, I could whip out creations. That didn’t happen so I dropped out and settled for being a nurse. It was no picnic either but difference was I stayed and worked at it and just talked about my old dream. My claim to fame was having taken classes taught by notable artists like Dorothy Perehudoff, Bill Epp and Hans Herold.

I’ve lost my whole portfolio of drawings from Dorothy’s class and the sculptures from Bill Epp’s. I have only one painting I did in Hans Herold’s class. It is my best and favourite. It is of my two young cousins sitting in a field of daffodils in Central Park. I had another one of a small country church. I gave it to my dance instructor at Arthur Murray so many years ago.

It’s nice having this coffee and conversation. I hope you will drop by again tomorrow.

WHAT SPARKS ME, WHAT SPARKS ME NOT

I’m tapping for day 3 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m trying to stay focus and not to be distracted by all the small inconsequential ‘stuff’. Those stuff are different things to different folks. My mission is to show up here every day in November and give it my best in words – in content, layout, grammar, the whole enchilada. Working to improve gives me spark. I am a self-help junkie at heart. Nothing can change that. I know I am in trouble when I stop being curious, quirky and self improve.

I felt a little grey and dull in October, a little of Peggy Lee’s Is That All There Is? The phrase played in my head off and on through the month. I felt listless and tepid, like old dishwater. I wonder if it’s too much Covid news. I wonder if it’s my old friend, SAD back for a visit. I haven’t seen him for awhile. I could never stay down, being helpless like that for long. It doesn’t feel good. I don’t like suffering. My self-help mentality pushed me to do something. And so I joined the Inktober Challenge again.

Like the site says, anyone can do Inktober. Just pick up a pen and start drawing. It helps to improve inking skills as well as to develop positive drawing as well as living habits. The trick to doing anything is to start. I didn’t invest alot of time and effort into the project. Each day I look at the word prompt, then make a drawing in my journal and post it on Instagram. There was no huge accolade, no thousands of likes. But each day I felt a bit lighter. Then one day I thought: This is rather easy and fun. By the time I got to the prompt SLITHER, I felt happy. I was singing “inchworm, inchworm”in my head. I was delighted with my last inking – RISK. I felt daring.

Risk is what life is all about. I had to step out the door, out of my comfort zone once in awhile to look around and see what is going on around me. It’s a way of connecting with the real world and nature. So to the park we went, on our daily walk. It’s a chance to move, to learn and to see what other people are up to. It’s a chance to connect with another person now that we’ve lost some of the old ways.

What really puts me in a blue funk is bad company, the negativity and meanness on social media, the news and articles on Covid and conspiracy theories. Our province ranks the worse with most highest per capita in our country. Our provincial government has not done much. They are more interested in economic growth rather than the health and safety of the people. There’s not much I can do to change all this except not to participate or engage with the negativity and to ‘keep safe.’ Through my blue funk October I am more observant of what builds me and what depletes me. I am a big fan of Snoopy. He is teaching me how to live.

ALL ABOUT ME

Here we are on day 2 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m set to write the ultimate post on all about me. It’s a few years since I wrote the ABOUT and ABOUT ME pages for this blog in 2012. It’s time for an update.

I like to think I haven’t changed much but time has a way of showing up. I have a few more bags under my eyes and chin. My hair is still pretty dark. There’s but a few strands of white. It’s finer and much softer, the things I wished for in younger years. Now I wish I had the then coarseness and thickness. There’s no pleasing me. Then suddenly this year the crepey skin appeared. No amount of moisturizing could fix it. I guess I can join the club of women echoing that I’ve earned every line and wrinkle. I accept it but I can’t realy feel proud. I rather be wrinkle-free. Perhaps I am vain.

My goals/purpose for this space are still the same. I am still excavating, peeling back the layers, discovering and getting to know myself. I have had long periods when I am stuck, my archeology pickaxe dull and ineffectual. The layers refused to budge. I was stagnant, unable to go forth and grow. Looking back now I have a clearer vistage of my life journey and how I came to be. I can almost say, Ah, I see how it is! It is rather an exciting moment.

This November Ultimate Blog Challenge feels akin to a beginning of a school year. I have always loved school. I was never one wishing for summer holidays. I was that way about working also. There were some very hard stressful days, months and years. But I always found something exciting, meaningful and fulfilling in my work. I never counted down the days and hours to retirement. And here I am, retired for 8 years. I had a little difficulty deciding on the date and suffered PTSD (self-diagnosed) for 3 years in retirement. I suppose this blog gave me space to ventilate. It’s my Sit Spot. I come here to observe and tap. Tapping on the keyboards and seeing the letters march across the screen was comforting and gave me solace somehow.

I have lost some of that magic over the last year or so. You would think that the pandemic would be a catalyst for more writing. But not. It was the same with retirement. I had so many stories from work. I had time to write about them. When retirement came, all the stories, memories and desire to tell went. Maybe, no, definitely the stress of things wore and eroded my zest for learning and life. I had been feeling no pleasure and meaning in the things that used to please me. But I am feeling a spark again. I will be working this month to fan the spark. I want to bring more joy and meaning back to my days. I hope I can share them with you.

A MONTH OF DAILY WRITES

It is a new day, a new month and a new beginning. Beginnings hold many promises and challenges. I am joining the Ultimate Blog Challenge again. It’s a good opportunity to reconnect with old members of the community and to meet new ones. It’s a good opportunity to learn from each other. November is national novel writing month. I’ve always wanted to write a novel, a memoir. Who hasn’t? Though I’ve tried NaNoWriMo a few times, I’ve failed miserably. It’s hard to come up with 50,000 words in 30 days. It would mean writing 1,666.6 words daily. When I set up this blog, I had intended writing 1000 words daily. Hence, the name onethousandandtwo.

I had high hopes and reaching high in my first days. I have learned that I have troubled getting 500 words at a time. I am a Hallmark type of a gal in writing. Too bad they are not hiring. I could write smart and snapping postcard greetings. Not to be discouraged and fail totally, I have always pushed forward with my keyboard and be satisfied with what my tapping brings forth. I have no business to promote. It is difficult to come up with a theme or a goal. Mostly it is mutterings of my daily grind. It’s no wonder I don’t have a huge following. That has never been my purpose so I am not hugely disappointed.

What I hope for this month of November is to show up every day. This could be my 2021 NaNoWriMo effort. I could strive to live up to the name of onethousandandtwo. I wonder how do-able that is. Would I have enough content? Could I be that long winded and keep the readers’ interest once they get here? Good questions for me to consider. It would be worthwhile for me to pursue these lines. It would push me out of my comfort zone. I would have to plan a little. I’ve been living too long on auto pilot. I’ve talked/tapped alot about challenges and making changes. I haven’t accomplished much because aside from talking about it, I haven’t wroked on reaching those goals.

I won’t have an easy time of it. Already I am stuck and I haven’t reached even 400 words. It is a good place to stop. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I have to build my way to 1000 words. I am starting November off on a good foot. It’s a beautiful sunny day. I had another early morning walk and the first UBC post.