Tag Archives: what if?

ON TRACK

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I’m still on track. My dining table is still clear. I know it’s only a few days into September. I should not be crowing success yet but it does cheer me. I will use whatever tools that will help. Getting up, dressing up and showing up every day works. I’m feeling more positive and energized. I wasn’t that way when I woke at 6 this morning. It was still dark. I was stiff and feeling yucky, for lack of a better word. I do not want to stay in this world of yucks. That’s my reason for embarking on my year of inquiry into everything.

I inquire of myself: Is it true? Do I really feel yucky? I tried to sink into that feeling. Then I asked how I would feel if I didn’t believe in that thought. I tell myself my body was just in the motion of waking and warming up. It’s not sick. It’s not depressed. Somehow the questions lifted some of the nauseous heaviness. Yes, nauseous was how yucky felt. At least I’ve identified it.

How are you on rising? Are you one who rises smiling and shining? You are indeed lucky if you are. However, I now believe that I can choose how I feel. I’ve given much lip service to the adage fake it till you make it. Now I’m doing it. If I practice an action enough, it will become a habit. Granted that I am but human, I know I will not be successful all the time. For one thing, it is not always appropriate. Nobody can or should smile and shine in times of a catastrophe or grief. But I can try to be a more positive and silent person. I don’t have to whine so much.

How was your day? My day turned out pretty well after all. The sun was out at 7 am. I took time to drink in all its delight. I let it infuse me with its light. It warmed and soothed my sore spots. It set the tone for the rest of the day. My step was lighter as I left the house for my exercise class. I worked a little harder, stretching a little more to reach that unreachable star. This is my quest. One should always have dreams. And I do.

 

 

 

 

WHAT IF?

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It is getting late in the day. A storm is coming this way. “Total snowfall amounts of 10 to 15 centimetres are forecast to fall by the time snow begins to ease on Sunday. Easterly winds of 40 to 50 km/h will occur.” We are happy to be home ahead of the storm. We are tucked in. Sheba can skip her afternoon walk. I am not inclined to head out after our road trip. A change in our routine won’t hurt anyone. She is not complaining.

What can I say about my day? I’m proud to report that I made 3 phone calls this morning. One was to confirm an appointment. Two to book tickets to a play at Persephone Theatre. Three to book my Honda in for another recall for a faulty airbag inflator. Simple acts and yet mentally hard on certain days. Procrastinating on them adds more weight to the difficulty. Acting on them lightens the load. My mind isn’t preoccupied with undealth with issues.

I spent time reading a few more pages of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself  by Joe Dispenza. I try to glean one or two points from each day’s reading. I should have made notes right after because now after many hours, I have to think and dig deep. What I remember is how surprised and delighted to find his voice similar to Caroline Myss’. All matter is made of energy including ourselves. It is universal. What is in one is in the whole. Thus, we are all connected. What I/each of us do affects the whole. What we put out into the universe will come back to us.

The universe is not looking good to me these days. Watching Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump last night on the evening news certainly didn’t help. I could see how easily our world can be destroyed just like that – with a snap of the fingers. I don’t know how it affects everybody else. It depresses me. I wonder how we got here and where will we go next. How can I be excited about life on earth where nothing and everything matters?

That’s where I was this morning upon waking – not excited. It was not a good place or good way to be. I had to do a Byron Katie turn it around thinking. Is it true? Is it really true? What if it isn’t and I am excited? What if I am excited and everything does matter? What if I just put in that extra effort? What if I pretend I am excited? What if I just pretend till it becomes real?

WHAT IF…..

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What if I told you that I see/feel ghosts?  What would you say?  What would you think…that I am crazy, or would you keep an open mind?

I would be happy if I didn’t have this ability.  I am contradicting myself in wishing that I’m not weird but there you have it.  I am also a contradiction!  Would I have been ‘normal’, I would feel no need to sit here, tap, tapping away my discomfort, my ghosts.

I do not really see my ghosts.  I cannot describe them.  Rather I sense them.  My first experience was when I was a child, many years ago in China.  I ‘saw’ them when I was playing on our rooftop.  My mother told me that they were our ancestors and not to be afraid of them.  The second time came shortly after that.  I ‘saw’ someone standing in front of my bed.  I felt, ‘saw’ the shadow.  I cannot remember other incidences from my childhood.

I became afraid of my ghosts when I was a young adult.  I would cross my slippers by my bed to ward off their visits.  I came to no harm, but it was frightening for me to wake up with something sitting on me, holding me inert and helpless.  I could not move.  I could not scream until ‘it’ left.

To reassure myself of my sanity, I decided that the next time the ghost visits, I would test myself.  How did I do this?  I opened my eyes, blinked and say to myself:  I’m awake.  I’m awake.  The pressure was great.  I could not move but I reached and reached to turn the lamp on.  I knew the light would dispel it.  I stretched and stretched.  The lamp toppled, the shade falling off.  My cat jumped off the bed.  The pressure lifted.  But when I ‘came to’, all was calm.  The lamp was still upright, where it had been but the cat was gone.

I kept my slippers crossed by my bed for quite a few years.  Those incidents have stopped but I have had encounters of a different kind.  Am I crazy?  Do you believe me?  What do you think?