MY PATH

Posted on October 3, 2023 by hafong

Finally some sun on this third day of October. My garden is still producing. I’ve just harvested a bowl of goodness – some green and purple beans, 3 Sunburst squash and a few sprigs of broccoli. Life is good though challenges and difficulties never stop. Having this space to tap and sigh and bitch a little helps a lot. You will not find any Pulitzer winning writing here. It is but some mumbling of a simple woman travelling her path.

This month will be an exploration of solutions for easier ways of doing and living. I’ve started already by adopting shorter posts and letting go of my desire of writing a thousand words a day. It is a much easier goal to obtain. The other day, I made 3 instead of my usual loaves of bread at a time. Dough for 3 loaves is so much easier to knead. Then there’s only 3 pans to wash after. It was a much more pleasurable experience.

I’m not sure of what the next thing to be. I haven’t got a clue right at the moment. I won’t whack my head trying to figure it out. It will come on its own. I don’t need to work so hard at living though that is my personality trait. I can change. It won’t be easy. Old habits die hard even those that hurt and harm us. The payoffs of change are great. I will and can make the effort.

WHY I BLOG

Posted on October 2, 2023 by hafong

A rainy and gloomy day 2 of the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. I could easily fall into the gloom of the day. But as soon as I step out into the backyard and garden, I am greeted by cheer and colour. There’s my little monk sitting so peacefully in the herb spiral. I am reminded of my departed but not forgotten fur baby, Sheba. She forever resides in me and the little monk.

I snap photos as I walk through yard and garden, trying to capture the beauty and feelings of the moment. I cannot totally get it all. Still it is enough to store for memory and to share. Who would think that I still have green beans to pick? The Chinese long beans are flowering but maybe too late and cool for beaning now. No matter. Still it is heartening to see them thriving and blooming in October.

It is soothing and relaxing to sit and tap out these words and images. My chaotic thoughts are ironed out by the rhythm of the keyboard. My distress is replaced by the images of the yard and garden. And I do not have to spew out the poison within me. I am saved and sane for another day.

THE BEST LAID PLANS

Posted on October 1, 2023 by hafong

October 1, the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I hope to write a post each day of October and share it on the Ultimate Blog Facebook page. Of course sometimes when we have hopes and aspirations, even the best laid plans can go asunder. Being such a dismal and rainy day, there’s a high chance for failure. Such negativity! I can hear the tongues clicking. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m giving it a good go.

I’m choosing sweet, simple and to the heart – meaning short. When I first started this blog, I had aspirations of writing a thousand and two words a day. I have never achieved or even got close to the count. But I do love the written word. And I am good at short and sweet, stuff for Hallmark cards. So I’m going that route. I enjoy challenges, interacting and obeying rules. The rules here are fairly easy and simple to follow. If we choose to post in the daily thread, we have to read and comment on the 2 posts immediately above ours. I plan to do that. At this moment, I have no extra energy to go beyond. I thought I would put that right up front.

So here’s good luck to me and all. One post a day for October. That’s it. I have no idea about what I will write each day – probably just more mumbling about my day to day life. It keeps me sane and hopefully sweet.

JULY – ubc – day 1, why

Posted on July 1, 2023 by hafong

Another new month, another new day, another new beginning. It’s July, Canada Day and the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’ve been participating in this challenge for quite a few years now. I enjoy challenges, words, pictures and writing. I love the nuance of words, how they roll around my tongue or beneath my fingertips as I tap, tap on the keyboard. I love daily practices because they give me a springboard to start the day. For the month of July, I will try to show up every day with a post to share on the UBC Facebook page. I do not think I will participate in the daily thread. Showing up with a post every day is enough of a challenge. However, I will read others’ posts if life permits.

That is the why of doing the challenge. As to the what, it is to be discovered daily when I sit down with my keyboard. I have no business to promote but I do have a lot of interests and hobbies. One of which is gardening. I have many growing spaces – a small passive solar greenhouse, 6 raised beds, a conventional garden and a community garden plot. They’re all tended by me this summer. I’m still learning so much about everything in life through my gardening efforts. My efforts and results have brought me so much joy. It’s such a delight to do my morning walk through these spaces. So be prepared to hear a bunch of garden talks.

My main goal is to show up each day with my best effort. I will aim for quality and not word count. Some days my post may be just a picture. I hear that a single picture can be worth a thousand words.

LAST DAY

Posted on April 30, 2023 by hafong

The last day of April. The last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I have to show up to wrap up though I don’t know where or how to begin. I am feeling the overwhelm of too many loose threads. My mind is far from being a clean slate, a blank canvas upon which I can paint/write the life I want. Instead it is a muddy eddy of scattered thoughts and memories. What are/were my goals, my wants and loves? They are not necessaily the same things.

I’m always eager and engaged at the beginning of any new endeavor. I feel focused and pumped. However, it doesn’t take long before my burst of enthusiasm develops a slow leak. I lose sight of the whole enchilada. I tread water, don’t show up, and/or write the same damn thing day in and day out. Sometimes I pride myself in just showing up/trying. I guess you can say I am beating myself up. That’s not it though. I’m giving myself a pep talk.

April and any given month is a hard month. And so are any given day. If I am being repetitive, so is life. There is a tediousness to almost everything. I/everyone have to work through that part. No one is exempt. How do you work through that? I heave and sigh alot. I make a cup of tea. Lately I had to change up on my cup size and kind of tea. I was getting too much caffeine. My heart was skipping a little too much and my lymph nodes swelling up. The change has been good but I still get cravings of my endless cup of Orange Pekoe tea. Listening to Caroline Myss on the Addict Archtype and Tara Brach on Letting Go helped alot. Writing about the tedium opens up the way out of it, too.

I’m not as morose as I sound. Really, I am not. It’s my way of working through hard spots and hard times. I’m not protesting too much. A friend reading my posts once offered me help and sanctuary because she thought I needed help. It was such a lovely and generous gesture. It’s a beautiful memory I have of her. Both she and her father were such a help to us when we first came to Canada. She walked me to school every morning and took me to Sunday school till I outgrew the need. I hope she still keeps an eye on me from Heaven.

UNSETTLED

Posted on April 27, 2023 by hafong

These days I feel as unsettled as the weather. Maybe it is the stage in my life. Everything feels uncertain. The ground is ever shifting. No firm foundation underfoot. But at least I am feeling some peace in the quiet of the night. I’m tapping out a few words before I head off to bed. They will escape me if I don’t. It is soothing and comforting to tidy up a few things at the end of the day. Somehow that brings order and peace in my mind.

The humidifier has been soaking for a day or two, waiting for me to clean and put away till next winter. There’s never a better time than the present. It’s cleaned and to be put away tomorrow. Now I’m ready to get ready for bed. If I do too much, I will get too alert for sleep. Till the morning, then.

That was a few nights ago. The weather is still unsettled. What started out as a sunny warm day didn’t stay. It became cool and cloudy. No weather for a picnic. However, it didn’t prevent me from planting 3 more Roma tomatoes under Kozy Coats in the raised bed. I still 3 more to do but that will have to wait until I get more Kozy Coats. Things being what there are, it could still snow. But here’s hoping it will only rain from now on.

I am a little more settled, feeling safe in my sking. But it’s still touch and go. It’s a job keeping my mind and head clear. Debris have a habit of creeping in. Today I got distracted by a new toy – an iPad and games you can play. I’ve only uploaded solitaire but it’s bad enough. I spent too much time on a hard hand. It grabbed me and wouldn’t easily let go. I haven’t solved it yet but I did finally unhook myself to come to this space to finish what I had started.

Life is like that, you know. I have to say I’ve been doing pretty well. Not perfect but I am getting things done and all that. I’m not a machine. Being human, I can be led down a few stray paths. I have to cut myself some slack and just enjoy what comes along, even the weeds along the way. I have not a show every day for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. And I am not participating in the usual sense. This month of writing is mostly for myself – a workbook of a sort.

CHANGING UP

Posted on April 24, 2023 by hafong

I’m not so successful clearing my mind this morning so I did a little clearing of my table. What is without is within. I’m heading out to my exercise class in a few minutes. I’m making a few marks here to get the words and thoughts flowing for later. Mark making is an important step in getting started. Later, baby, as they say.

This is the later I spoke of this morning. I’m afraid this is one of those time that the words will not flow. I will have to work for them. Talking about making marks, I don’t think I’ve made even a dent, never mind a mark in the world. I feel a bit sad and inadequate. I don’t really want to be a big splash but I like to think that I’ve made a difference, that I matter. It’s what we all want. I hate being human and vulnerable, don’t you?

The day has sped by. It is not a warm one. I’m warming up with a cuppa Ovaltine. I’m learning to change up my drinks as not to get addicted to any one. Ovaltine was a favourite when I was a child in Hong Kong. My mother and I had moved there from mainland China when I was 6. That was also when we were introduced to Red Rose Orange Pekoe Tea and toast. It was all so new and tasted so good. That’s what I have to remember – to change up often. Not only with drinks and food but with everything in life. I remember the delight of discovering and learning new things and tastes. Too much of one thing deadens and dulls the senses. It’s my lightbulb moment from my thoughts for the 24th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

WHAT IS GOOD ENOUGH

Posted on April 23, 2023 by hafong

I’m feeling a little stuck this morning. Can’t decide what to draw for #the100day project. I’m itching for some colour after a stretch of graphite and charcoal. I don’t want to stay in frustration and in indecision. I moved onto a bit of dusting our bedroom. How fast dust accumulates. It didn’t take long to take care of it. It is surprising sometimes how I can get so stuck in the feelings of not wanting to do it. The action of dusting is not hard. Overcoming the feeling of not wanting to do is. Human beings are so complex and hard to figure out. It’s not worth the time to ponder on it but knowing what is what is good enough. It’s confusing. I know it.

I was having cravings for my bottomless cup of tea this morning. I woke up thinking about it. I didn’t cave in though. I just had one literal cup and I was good. That is till we had our Sunday morning breakfast of sourdough pancakes, bacon and eggs with maple syrup. The sweet maple syrup set up a want of a cuppa. Being in a bit of a dither on what to draw also stirred an urge of having a cuppa. So I made a cuppa – chocolate mint tea with no sweetener. It quelched my yen for more of. But I think I will grab another cuppa. It is refreshing with little calories and no caffeine. Incidentally, my heart still skips now and then. It’s quiet when I’m relaxed and engaged. I have strong thoughts and feelings. I have to let go of everything more and say, It’s good enough.

The day is almost over. It is supper time. I’ve done the dreaded Tax Return but I’m not ready to push the SUBMIT button yet. The hard part is done. It was a good exercise for my brain. I have a few more days to fret over having to pay. I guess I should be thankful because it means I have money. The bonus to the day was finding something colourful to draw – my high school grad. It turned out more colourful than I intended. It was more than good enough.

STAYING WITH STUCK

Posted on April 21, 2023 by hafong

Here’s that time again to write something for the Ultimate Blog Challenge and myself. It’s not so easy this time around. I struggle with it every day. Yesterday I started to down size my cup of tea, making it a literal cup – one in the morning and one in the afternoon. So far so good but I am feeling some difficulties. Before when I feel stuck about anything, I would make myself a cup of tea. I guess it’s really a procrastinating tactic. I’m putting off, buying some time. Now I can’t do that. I have to stay stuck with those feelings. It doesn’t feel great.

Since it is only day 2, I can’t give up yet. I have to stay with these stuck feelings. Besides, my heart still skips, though less. It’s worth it. I tell myself to stay. The treat will be a healthy steady heart. I tell myself to breathe, sit tall and breathe out slowly. Stay the course. I am realizing how little tolerance I have with feelings of discomfort, be it uncertainty, boredom, anxiety…. I want distraction, cover ups, any escape route that is possible. Of course, I know in my heart there is no escape. We have to face/deal with whatever it is eventually.

So here I am at the end of the day. I have survived. I have had just one cup of Orange Pekoe tea and one cup of decaf. Not really truly missing or suffering the decrease. What is bothersome is that now there is not the ritual of making a cuppa to delay whatever I’m dreading or reluctant to do. Now I have to do something else in its place. Today I got the bathroom and kitchen floors washed. I walked to the bank and fixed a problem. They are not hard things to do but these days, they are in with many other things I don’t like to do. I think technology and all our gadgets have made me lazy and changed my brain somehow. I’m much more comfortable just living in my thoughts. And I know that’s not really living and it is not healthy. I have to move and do.

Well, this is the end. Not a great post. It’s really me problem solving by putting out/down my thoughts. It’s hard to hold them inside. They go round and round in my head with no resolution. They had to come out.

SHRINKING MY THIRST/ADDICTION

Posted on April 20, 2023 by hafong

It’s a hard task to keep my mind weeded and clear of debris. Thoughts and information, useful and useless crowded in as soon as I wake and open my eyes. I have to admit I got distracted more than usual this morning. I’m having a time to clear my head/mind to that blank canvass. Until then it is hard to focus and work. I do have an intention formed from yesterday. And that is I want to down size everything, starting with my mug. I do love my tea but more isn’t always better. The sizes of things, including cups/mugs seems to have increased expotentially without my conscious awareness.

When I have a cup of tea, I’m actually having 2 cups of tea. So in a day, I drink 4 literal cups of Orange Pekoe tea and 4 literal cups of decaffineinated coffee. All in all, I’m not sure how much caffeine I’m consuming. My heart seems to be protesting lately by skipping a beat. I’ve had these episodes before so am not too worried. I will cut back caffeine by using a smaller cup. It’s come to my attention that the more I have of something, the more I want it. Even though I don’t enjoy the taste any more, I still crave it. That’s the case with my Orange Pekoe tea. I wonder if it’s the repetitive habit of having a cup of tea when I’m not sure of anything, in doubt or un-ease, created the addiction. While routines and habits can be helpful, I have to be watchful and change them up so they do not get addictive and cause harm.

Mug on left holds 2 cups. Mug on right holds 1 cup.

It’s afternoon. We’ve just come back from lunch. The sun is trying to shine. It’s starting to snow again. We do need the moisture. I’m all out of words. It’s a good time to start sorting my papers for my Tax Return. So ends this post for the 20th day of the Ultimate Challenge.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: the Ultimate Blog Challenge