Tag Archives: taking things personally

MOMENTUM – THROW GARBAGE OFF THE TRAIN

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It’s almost afternoon on day 3 of the new year and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Already and still, I’m feeling the weight from the year past. My old self with my old attitudes are making their presence known. I feel crabby, mean and ugly. I’m like a leaky balloon losing hot air. I have no stamina, no power. I’m losing momentum, my wheels slowly grinding to a screeching halt. No more clickety clack. It’s chug, chug, screeeeech!

I’m no damn good, carrying this stuff around, feeling all this guilt. It’s too soon. Counting today, I have 28 more day to go. I have to lighten my load. I have to toss the garbage off the train. I have to save my fuel consumption, build my reserve, live and write smarter. What I don’t need is to carry other people’s stuff. So toss those out first. I remind myself that it’s not the people I’m tossing, it’s their stuff. It’s their business, not mine.

I have such a permeable skin. I absorb everyones’ woes and miseries as if they were my own. I need to develop a thicker skin. I have to learn not to take things so personally. Too bad I don’t feel their joy the same way. Instead, what I feel then is envy and jealousy. I am such a bad person. What a thing to confess, eh? I’m like George Washington. I can’t tell a lie. I’m brutally honest and not proud of it. I’m laying out all the facts in black and white so I can see myself clearly. So that I can accept what is here, what I have to work with. Do I have a full deck to work with?

It’s time to take a break, let go a little, loosen my grip and play a little. No need to be like a dog with a bone.

 

 

SPEAKING FROM MY DARK SIDE

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I’ll tell you a secret. Maybe you know it already. It is no secret after all, except to me. Life never lets up. There’s always something or other coming at you. I’m on to it now. I might not be all caught up with everything but I am keeping pace. I am not behind. I can’t say that I’m any happier knowing this secret. Life is easier knowing it. I think I understand a little better that universal laws that govern all of us. They are not personal. That is how they are.

That is not to say that I don’t take things personally sometimes. That’s how I am. That’s how we all are. That is the law of gravity and being human. Sometimes we fall/fail. What goes up must come down. Being in this frame of mind now, I have a different view of Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. Possibly my shadow side has taken over my keyboard. But then it has always been my dominant self. I’ve been fighting it too much and too hard. Since this is my space, I should let it have a say once in awhile.

So what are the 4 agreements? They are four principles that Miguel Ruis came up with after a life changing experience. They are practices to help you to have a life of love and happiness.

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I am not a bad person but I really have a ton of trouble living up to these agreements. My ears perk up and I come to attention when I hear an inkling of gossip. I don’t thrive on malicious stuff but I do come alive with people news. Excuse me, but I do take many things personally, especially when they are directed at me. I do get wounded by unkind, thoughtless remarks and acts. I’m not into drama. I try not to assume but I know I do. I take things at face value. I’m judgemental. I’m disappointed when someone doesn’t practice what they preach.  I guess #4 saves me. I can at least say I’m doing the best I can.

My dark angel has spoken. She is not ashamed of the flawed self. I’m not either. I am not in search of love or happiness. I just need a reason to get up every morning. I am grateful that I have and that I am tenacious in getting up and showing up day after day. I am faulty but with purpose. Can you say the same?

DISAPPOINTMENTS AND HEARTACHE

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IMG_3609It’s funny how those aha moments come – out of the blue like a falling star from heaven. I’ve been thus hit this morning. I am sitting here basking in its afterglow, feeling grateful, tap, tapping away on my keyboard. I feel as if I’ve come home after a long journey. Perhaps I have been absent, away from myself for a long while.

I’ve been away, trying to be what I am not.  Trying to grasp what is not mine to have. Trying too hard to measure up to be an exalted angel – to be kind beyond kind, to be generous with a bottomless heart, to be that perfect product without a flaw.  How could I succeed?

I couldn’t no matter how hard I try.  I have tried and been disappointed and heartbroken to learn that I am just human after all.  I am flawed.  I take things personally.  I have resentments.  I am disappointed and disillusioned at times.  I have meanness in me.  I admit that I have all that in me.  I see it.  I am glad.

Why am I glad?  I am glad because now I can move on.  Disappointments and heartache are my good friends, teaching me what works and what doesn’t.  They are ushering me from the valley of the shadow into the light.