gravity

SPEAKING FROM MY DARK SIDE

I’ll tell you a secret. Maybe you know it already. It is no secret after all, except to me. Life never lets up. There’s always something or other coming at you. I’m on to it now. I might not be all caught up with everything but I am keeping pace. I am not behind. I can’t say that I’m any happier knowing this secret. Life is easier knowing it. I think I understand a little better that universal laws that govern all of us. They are not personal. That is how they are.

That is not to say that I don’t take things personally sometimes. That’s how I am. That’s how we all are. That is the law of gravity and being human. Sometimes we fall/fail. What goes up must come down. Being in this frame of mind now, I have a different view of Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. Possibly my shadow side has taken over my keyboard. But then it has always been my dominant self. I’ve been fighting it too much and too hard. Since this is my space, I should let it have a say once in awhile.

So what are the 4 agreements? They are four principles that Miguel Ruis came up with after a life changing experience. They are practices to help you to have a life of love and happiness.

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I am not a bad person but I really have a ton of trouble living up to these agreements. My ears perk up and I come to attention when I hear an inkling of gossip. I don’t thrive on malicious stuff but I do come alive with people news. Excuse me, but I do take many things personally, especially when they are directed at me. I do get wounded by unkind, thoughtless remarks and acts. I’m not into drama. I try not to assume but I know I do. I take things at face value. I’m judgemental. I’m disappointed when someone doesn’t practice what they preach.  I guess #4 saves me. I can at least say I’m doing the best I can.

My dark angel has spoken. She is not ashamed of the flawed self. I’m not either. I am not in search of love or happiness. I just need a reason to get up every morning. I am grateful that I have and that I am tenacious in getting up and showing up day after day. I am faulty but with purpose. Can you say the same?

IT’S ALL IN THE PUSH OFF

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Yesterday, I got back up on my horse, the bike, to see if I can ride it again.  It’s been 20 some years since I was on it.  I tried a couple of years ago but my confidence was gone and I failed and I fell and didn’t get back on.

It’s funny about the things that matter to a person.  It’s odd about the things that matter to me.  Getting back on the bike matters to me.  So out to the back alley I go.  I decide that the dirt was no harder to fall on the pavement of an empty school parking lot.  Besides, I have more privacy.  I do not want laughing eyes upon this mature fool falling off a bike.

Do you know how scary it is getting on a bike, especially when you have short legs and your feet no way can touch the ground even with the seat lowered to the max?  But….I once rode this baby to work in traffic.  I should be able to do it again.  There’s that word again….SHOULD.

With SHOULD echoing in my mind, I line my bike behind my neighbour’s fence beside some pipes where I could rest my foot and push off.  I breathe, I push, I fall….Too many grooves in the ground.  I could not get enough momentum to stay upright.

I dust myself off, pick up the bike and scan for another starting off spot.  I line myself along some landscape ties behind another fence.  Perfect!  I breathe and pushed off.  I cannot describe the fear I felt as I pushed off, letting go of gravity, letting go of touching something solid.  But I remain upright, riding down the back alley.

So back and forth I went in the alley.  I chose a place with a higher grassy bank to stop and get off, in case I fall off instead of getting off.  To my delight, the spot was high enough for me to push off from, too.  I’m learning to breathe and PUSH OFF, letting go and trusting in the universe and the law of gravity.

BREATHE, PUSH OFF, LET GO of fear and the shoulds of perfection.  Practice makes better.