Loving mom was/is the most easy thing. Losing her is the hardest. Though I’ve had her more than most people have had their mothers, it doesn’t seem enough. Forever is what I want. I still feel the need for my mother. That is selfishness on my part. She was tired. She hung on for as long as she could for us. She left on an October day after having seen the sunrise and sunset.

It’s been a week since her departure Sunday night, October 20th. The week has gone by in a blur. I had been worrying for years on the how(s) and what(s) to do when the time came. It’s been 23 years since she was diagnosed with a serious heart disease. I remembered because we were waiting at the hospital for CT scan on September 11, 2001. That morning upon rising, I heard news of planes flying into twin towers in NYC. I thought of mom’s family there. In the hospital waiting room I watched the chaos and horror on TV. My mother was around 70 years old then.

I need not have spent so much time worrying and wondering. Life and death took care of themselves. Mom had a few tough times but many good ones. She never thought she would have such a long life. She marveled that the surgeon could put her back together after she fell and broke her hip. That was on the day before Mother’s Day. Her hip was the least of her problems. Her body and already compromised heart was traumatized by the fall and surgery.

I asked for one more summer. My mother asked to see the sunrise and sunset. We both got our wishes. She said she was always happy no matter what. She had us. She’s told me that many times. That’s been a comfort. She said that too the last afternoon when we basked in the late afternoon sun in the backyard. She looked like a rock star with my sunglasses on. I felt blessed to be in her presence for those 30 minutes.

I haven’t given up on the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Finding my words again today.