Tag Archives: selfcare

Antidotes For What Ails Me

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

My cold is still with me. It is attached and reluctant to leave. I am an endless fountain of gooey mucus. Like Christopher Plummer, I don’t like the sound of mucus. I’m carting around a large toilt roll from Costco. I’m constantly blowing and spitting into toilet paper. The roll diminishes quickly. It’s cheaper than Kleenx. I dislike using a spittoon. It grosses me out.

I’ve had a week of this misery. Just when I think I’m getting better, I get knocked down again. Last night was a hard one. I was afraid I was getting super ill, enough that it made me seek help from my prayer community. It helped. I was able to fall asleep shortly after. In the morning I felt better in some ways and worse in some. Now, at the end of the day, I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Being sick could have been what I needed.

What I needed was to see I have to take care of me. Being a caretaker by nature, I tend to look outward to others’ needs. I seldom think of my own. I am doing that now. I see that endless scrolling is making me sick. I feel it but seem unable to stop. The more I touch that button, the more I want to even though it brings me no pleasure. I was pleasureless enough yesterday that I was able to curb my addiction. I limited my scrolling time to before breakfast. I sought out other activities that would bring me pleasure.

One antidote is reading Margaret Atwood’s biography Book of Lives: A Memoir of Sorts. I’m travelling through stories of her childhood now. They’re delightful. Just what I need. Another activity is non-activity. I laid down on my exercise mat with my legs resting on an armchair for 10 minutes, doing nothing, trying to empty my mind. It wasn’t hard. It was pleasant and restful, not fussing about anything, letting the world go on by without me. It also helped to drain gooey mucus out of me.

WHAT NOW, THE DAY AFTER

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What Now, The Day After

November 1, a new month, the day after completing all 31 days of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. What do I do now, rest on my laurels? I’ve decided to blog on. I brush my teeth every morning and evening. Writing is another thing in my self care tool box. It is effective. I shall keep it. Besides, someone mentioned that it is NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month. It’s writing a novel of 50,000 words in the month of November. I had high hopes of writing one ever since high school. I gave NaNoWriMo a go or two. The first time I had a few chapters of 7,358 words. The second time 300 words. I still have the files on my desktop.

I didn’t know how hard words are to come by till I tried. I’m not aiming for a novel or 50,000 words. I haven’t lived up to the name of this blog yet – a thousand and two (words) , my daily goal. My goal for this November is to write each day concentrating on the progress of our greenhouse and food growing. But who knows where I will meander. Like Caroline Myss often says, this is an amazing time in history. I have to perk up, pay attention and make notes on EVERYTHING. And maybe, after this month, I can write that novel.

I had aimed to have fresh greens from our raised beds till end of October. I gave up too soon in the 3rd week in a cold snap. Had I left the crop covers on, the spinach and kale would be fine. And maybe the lettuce and Chinese greens, too. I harvested them, not wanting to lose all. But I see that the ends are still green and alive in this bit of warm spell. I shalt cry over spilt greens. I shall grow more. The herb spiral still looks pretty good, too. The basil, of course, bit the dust, but the lavender, thyme and oregano seems ok. I have them in pots inside just in case.

Our greenhouse is almost finished – 4 walls, roof, vents all closed up. Just missing a door. It’s pretty snug and warm on a sunny day. We’re been mostly lucky with the weather building it.There were a few cold days but it’s warmed up for the finishing stretch. I took this opportunity to fill a few planters with top soil to warm up inside to ready for seeding. It looks like we will have 4 days of warm weather before it dips again to daytime minus temperatures. I hope that’s enough time to help them germinate. It’s a grand adventure. Nothing to lose and everything to gain.

FAR, FAR FROM THE MADDENING CROWD

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So here I sit, in the afternoon heat, wishing for days of yore.  I am wishing for those days of innocent girlhood when you can just pick up the phone and talk to a friend. There’s a price to pay with our modern techno gadgets.  You lose the skill for verbal, face-to-face or even phone conversations.  I feel myself going in that direction.  I hesitate to pick up the phone and dial.  Maybe they’re busy.  Maybe I will be a bother, Maybe, yes, maybe…..And so I put the phone down.  Maybe another day.  I am envious of people who are brave to be spontaneous….people who can pick up the phone and dial, people who can drop in for a visit because they are nearby and they like to spend time with you.  It is so easy to be lazy, to hide with our texting messages and our emails and our plans.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think these are wonderful time saving tools, but as with everything else…balance would be nice.

So here I sit instead, tapping out my words and sipping coffee on a hot summer afternoon.  I wipe the sweat from my face.  I can hear the traffic whoozing down Preston Avenue through my open windows.  Do you know that Staffing has already called me twice today?  Can you believe it?  I could not even make it for my own shift yesterday.  But what do they care.  I’m just a name and a number on their call list….someone at straight time.  Though I work in healthcare, I know that I am the one who has to care for myself.  Healthcare is too big an expanse to know whether a worker is sick and in trouble.  So I am at the top of the triage to sound the alarm…health worker down!  Time out!  No need to bring all my health or other dramas to work.  That’s not what I’m paid for. That is the sad truth.  Time to refill my coffee.

I muster enough energy for my hair appointment this morning.  Somehow I always end up in the barbershop chair when I’m feeling glum.  Maybe it is just false perception….coloured by my mood, I am sure.  My hairdresser is very beautiful, blonde and European.  Her name is Beata.  I have enough confidence in her now that I don’t worry about my mood affecting how the cut will turn out.  My haircut is always fabulous.  And she does not talk too much which is nice.  I talk enough in my work life that it is wonderful to be able to sit back in her chair, close my eyes and let her razor and scissors do their work.  It is fabulous not to make small talk.  I can close my eyes and escape from all the noises of life for a little while.

I open my eyes.  My hair is short, short….just the way I like it.  But I am still looking glum.  Well, it is hot and my face is a bit swollen and puffy.  How else can I look?  All good things in time.  I am a work in progress.