BEING A STEADY EDDY

 

Funny how the weather can affect my body. My mind is delighted with the bright sunshine. My physical body is voicing its displeasure. The whole of me hurts as if I’m being fried alive. It doesn’t feel any better ‘resting’ so I try to move and do my stuff as best I can. Prepping a cloth square for free motion sewing takes my mind off the pain.  No point sitting and suffering. I might as well spot clean messy areas that bug me – the bathroom and the backdoor mats.

I’m reaping the reward of ‘keeping up’. On days like this, I can afford to ‘slack off’/take it a bit easier. I’m getting the hang of living life block by block, being Steady Eddy. No more burning the candle at both ends, then die sputtering thereafter. The wind has whipped up. It is chilling. I’m not hankering on taking Sheba out for her walk. But I will – after I’ve sit a spell and tapped another sentence or two.

I have done well. I feel somewhat better after taking my parents to the library, then coffee. My mother still likes to read and learn about everything. My father likes the outing. It was an easy thing for me to do for them. It didn’t feel that way before I went. But once I start, I had to keep going. The outing broke up my fatigue and discomforts. Now, to bundle up against the wind and take the dog out. The exercise will do us good.


We’re back. The wind was not bad with my hood up. The walk eased the ache in my back and hips. It’s like getting a lube job. It’s true what they say. If you don’t use it, you’re going to lose it. I’m feeling delicious now, sipping a cuppa and eating a sweet Chinese pastry. One doesn’t feel quite enough, but I will refrain. Tomorrow is another day. Stretching out the goodness.

NOT BIOLOGY ALONE – Day 70 in a year of….

Day 70, September 30, 2016 @8:48 am

shry6065Morning is not a great time to read about a killing and ridding of a body.  I’m starting the day with an ‘ugh’!  It’s a good thing I’m greeted with the cheeriness of autumn sunshine and the splendid hues of yellows and oranges.  I must behave accordingly.  I do have a choice.  I have a mind.  It can over ride my brain.  I am not ruled by biology only.  Think of the reward. Another dollar in the teapot!

My ‘uglies’ have receded somewhat though I feel the tears on the verge of my eyes.  My body cries, nothing is easy and all the other I feel sorry for myself phrases.  I guess I have to let it have its say, too.  We are in this together, my body, my mind and my brain.  We have to respect and cooperate with each other.

My cup of tea is done.  I will/can sit and stay awhile longer till I am finished.The discomfort, the desire to flee has ebbed.  It is tolerable.  I can even feel a sense of peace sitting here discovering my flaws and strengths.  I am inching forward daily.  Another 4 rows on my sweater.  My grapes are now raisins.  One tomato bed cleaned off.  A flash fiction of 100 words for Friday Fictioneers.

Now I have to go and hang up the laundry from last night and plan my day.  What is on your plate?

A DAY IN MAY

IMG_2655It’s a cool, grey morning in May.  No dancing sunlight nor shadows on the wall. It’s not my kind of day nor weather.  BUT I am learning to accept.  It is what is here.  It is what is.  I cannot change it.  What I can change is how I see and feel about it.  I do not have to hate and dread it.  It is just a grey cool day.  There is no need to pass judgement on it.  Let the day begin.

I’m having a little trouble finding the words these days.  They do not come readily to my fingertips.  I miss the rhythmic tap on the keyboard.  I miss seeing the letters and words march across the screen.  I miss the process of matching photos to the words and stories.  So now I’m sitting and trying to resuscitate and breathe a little life into these fingers.  No use in sitting and thinking.  Nothing happens unless I move a body part.  This much I know.

IMG_2650Funny how fast things can change and how easily you can lose your equilibrium.  And oh, how difficult it is to get it back!  The harder you try, the faster it slips away.  I am not discouraged.  I am just a little weary. How can I not be with a much spoiled dog trying to run me?  Yes, Sheba is still trying to rule the roost, whimpering through the night.  But we caught on to her tricks and how smart she can be.  She’s teaching me about boundaries and containment.  She is ousted from the bedroom at night.  There are rules and boundaries.  There are rewards for good behaviour.

On this 14th day in May, there is much to be grateful for.  The sun is coming out to lift the grey and warm the day.  Sheba is laying by my chair.  I am breathing out my words and feeling whole.  Everything is as it should be.

 

 

UNRAVELLING THE PAST INTO THE NOW

IMG_2257Some days I’m a bit melancholy – maybe a left-over feeling from childhood days when we were new immigrants.  Can an eight year old feel lost and displaced in Gold Mountain(Canada)?  Where was the gold? In my child’s mind I had expected to see a land filled with colourful balloons and lollypops. There was neither.  It was puzzling.

 

IMG_2270I felt the smallness of our town, the dirt streets and the emptiness. I felt the smallness of me.  What I remembered the most was the loneliness of my mother.  I did not recognized it as such at the time but rather felt it. I was probably equally as lonely.  We were far away from home and our extended family.  We did not know the language.

It was so many years ago.  Was my memory correct?  Was it true?  Or was it distorted by the clouds, a sleepless night and the moody blues?  The thinking mind can be so deceptive. I have sunnier memories of other days when my mother recount stories from her childhood, of her siblings, her parents and China.  I have a rich and colourful heritage, one to be proud of.

unravelling_300pxI am dusting off the cobwebs and debris of my mind.  I am sweeping them out the door. I’ve finished  unravelling 2014 and now ready to tackle 2015 of Susannah Conway’s Unravelling the Year Ahead.  When I am feeling discouraged, it helps to look back at the seeds I have sown and the rewards reaped the past year.  I have not done a small thing.  Life is not a small thing, but it is made up of many little things.

The evening is here.  There is no sun to set. The day is done.  Time to put thinking aside and rest on my laurels.