Tag Archives: pleasure

Endings and Beginnings

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The last day of January and the last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It was not a strong or consistant beginning for me. I did not show up every day. However, I came alive in the second half. I’m quite happy with that. I’m here now, dressed, hair combed, earrings and hearing aids in, eyebrows lightly etched in. I’m ready for the last hurrah.

Though I failed to show up every day, I consider this challenge a success. I coaxed my words out of lassitude. I watched as they marched slowly and unsteadily across the screen. It was very rewarding to see them gaining momentum and then to flow smoothly into a post. I’m learning that it’s ok to miss a day or two. The important thing is to get back and try again. I’m learning, too, that my own words can heal. They still smooth and sooth my soul. They need not be many or grand. Simple and few can fill me up.

The pleasure of a challenge comes from sharing with others. Thank you to my fellow participants for their words. I’ve learned much from all of you. Thank you to Paul Taubman, the maestro of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am not sure what happened but I’ve experienced unusual high traffic on my site this month. What a wonderful feeling to end on.

Tomorrow is February and a new beginning. How will I begin?

What Still Matters

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The cold temperatures are still with us. It’s -31℃. The sun is a weak yellow halo in a pale grey blue sky. I don’t really mind. I feel more alert, focused and at ease. The early mornings are still dark. It is restful to sit with just my cup of tea, not thinking and scrolling. After I’ve finished, I realize that what I felt was pleasure. It made me smile. It gave me joy and I made a second cup of tea.

I’m sitting not so pretty this morning. My hair is yet not combed but I am dressed and tapping rhythmically on the trusty keyboard. I’m not sitting so pretty but I am sitting content and at peace. That is what still matters at this stage in my life. Life hasn’t been exactly a bowl of cherries, especially the last couple of years. It’s been a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs. When I think of it now, it’s been rather exciting and jarring. So I think excitement still matters, no matter what age we’re at. I need jarring out of my complacency.

Life is strange. I didn’t really think that I would be here talking like this. But here I am. So how am I talking anyways? A bunch of nonsense probably. But it’s good to flex my fingers and make them move on the keyboard. The exercise is waking up my senses, increasing my serotonin and making those dendrites snap more effeciently. I hope they are also working on and improving my ear hair cells. Hope and strange happenings still matter. Surprises still matter. Everything still matters.

Seedy Wednesday

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It’s another Wordless Wednesday in the blog world. Wish I have some fantastic photos. It would save labouring to get the words out. Alas! My yen for photo shots disappeared sometimes this year. Where it went I do not know. I hope it comes back. I miss the pleasure it gave me. The most recent pleasure that registered with me was getting my new Cosori electric kettle. I love getting a fast cup of hot water for my tea.

I’m not in any bad way or mood. The day is rather overcast and windy. The greenhouse vents hardly opened at all today. The guy had the automatic openers installed yesterday. They save me from trotting back and forth to open and close the vents. I hadn’t minded the exercise but I don’t miss it either. I used the saved energy in sorting out my seed piles. I hang on to everything, very old, old and not so old. The mess was making my head crazy. I had to sit down to sort and discard. Still have alot to sort but making some progress. My head doesn’t feel quite hairy.

I found some seeds I ordered last year but haven’t opened. They are now and seeded. I’m looking forward to some catnip and sesame. I hope I won’t attract all the neighbourhood cats. My sister says that her cat and the neighbour’s cat really love her catnip. She has it in a planter on her deck. Her cat rolls her head in it and the neighbour’s cat tried to rip it out of the pot. Cat pot! I guess they get high on it.

I registered another pleasure just now. I see that the comfrey has germinated. Well, I see one green head poking through the soil. While comfrey has many uses, I am growing it to use as mulch for the garden and to make compost tea to enhance the health of the soil. I’ve learned all this from watching all those gardening videos on Youtube. You can learn just about anything on Youtube. Well, that is it, that is all for this 10th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

WHY I WRITE

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You might wonder why I write and make posts on social media. Someone once unfriended me on Facebook because they thought I was so prolific. Ever since then, I feel a bit self conscious. I know it is silly but I feel obligatory to explain. So here I am.

I write because I love words and ideas. It helps to organize my brain. Writing is an action. It helps me to remember words, how to use and spell them. If neglected, I forget and have to rely on google and spellcheck. You know what can happen then. The written word registers more with me than the oral. I can read directions whereas I don’t follow verbal ones that well. I’ve learned how to cochet, knit, and other things through written directions.

I’ve learned how to operate my Bernina 790 sewing machine that way. It is a very complicated machine with many functions. I could not retain much of the directions from the in-person hour session at the store. But the manual is always at my fingertips and I can refer back to it time and time again. When I follow each of the steps on my own, I understand it more.

Writing is a way of working out problems for me. It is a mental workout, releasing mental and emotional stress through mental perspiration. Pictures also work that way for me. I post photos and words on social media not because I’m full of myself. Most of them are pretty boring and mundane stuff, but they are interesting to me. Putting words and pictures together is an art form to me. It’s how my brain works. It gives me pleasure. It’s a good enough reason and easy enough to do to stay a bit sane and happy.

WAKING UP

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I have not been feeling like myself for awhile. How long I can’t tell. You know how it is when life happens and you have to respond. Things creep up and your usual self slowly erodes. Other times you get hit with a monkey wrench. You get knocked to the ground. You learn how to get up but things are never the same. You give your whole being into surviving. You live and you think you are doing hunky-dory. Then you wake up.

So this is where I am at. I’m waking up as from an enchanted sleep to find things and I have not been so hunky-dory. For one thing I’ve lost the pleasure of doing anything. I feel overwhelmed and tired just thinking about it. Perhaps that’s the thing – overthinking. The other trouble is that I’m getting more forgetful. It’s frightful – enough to wake me up to do something about it. It’s easy and comfortable to coast, to scroll and let social media and Prime Video entertain and comfort me. There’s no risk of failure or rejection. But it does kill the brain and spirit.

I’ve waken up and stepping out again into my old self. I want to be a better version, a new self. I’m finding Atomic Habits a helpful tool. I’m a self-help junkie. I have to be careful not to get addicted to just gathering self-help books and courses. I have to work it. Being only 3 days in, it is too early to brag but I have shown up every day and writing. I am exercising my dendrites to snap more efficiently. And I am starting to feel pleasure in doing again. It’s an awesome start.

RETHINKING FUN AND EVERYTHING ELSE

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The after-lunch-dishes time has become my mindfulness practice. It’s easier day by day. I’ve developed a rhythm of putting things away. First this and then that. Now it’s time to  scrape off the dishes and stack them for washing. I plug in the kettle to get some quick hot water, squirt the soap into a big bowl/pot and watch the suds form. One by one I wash and rinse each item and put them on the rack to dry. Today I felt movement and flow. I feel pleasure. Is it possible? Can I believe myself?

Well, anything is possible. I’m starting to rethink a lot of things – like pleasure and fun. I’m a serious person. I’ve been told that I’m also eccentric. I suppose I am since I don’t like having fun, not the kind most people go for anyways. I’ve always felt apologetic about myself. I feel obligated to go along with someone else’s kind of fun. I have to rethink that, too. Why do I care so much about others and so little of myself? I have done it for so long, I’ve lost a sense of self. I have much rethinking to do.

What is the definition of fun anyways? Google says it’s a noun and means enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure. Synonyms are pleasure, entertainment, enjoyment, amusement, excitement, gratification. I think I’ve been wrong about myself in the fun department. I do like fun. I find pleasure, enjoyment, amusement, excitement and gratification in many things. Some are serious as in participating in this Ultimate Blog Challenge. Serious is an okay fun, isn’t it? I derive a lot of pleasure tapping out my words, ideas and stories.

I do have lighter hearted fun. I have fun painting on index cards for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I read a wide genre of books. I enjoy lunch dates and dinner parties. I’m not much for large or loud parties though. And for laughing out loud fun, I make videos of Sheba. Here’s one from when she was young and really full of fun.