Tag Archives: on track

AWESTRUCK

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Day 2 of January and the Ultimate Blog Challenge is a cloudy one. There is no sun to spark me but I am remembering the sun of yesterday. I walked into the living room to find it lit in gold. I snapped a couple of pictures for I knew it would be gone in minutes. It’s hard to describe and photographs do not do it justice. But I was awestruck. There’s something magical about the winter sun on the wooden floor in late afternoon. I never get tired of seeing it. The magic never wanes.

I store these awestruck moments to sustain me and keep me on track. I find washing dishes magical, too, not in an awe striking way. Rather the magic is flowing, being carried away on a cloud. It’s a delightful physical sensation. I suppose you’re thinking I’m a bit nutty. I am. It is a wonderful feeling.

TENDING TO MY WORDS AND GARDEN

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It is after lunch time in Saskatoon. I want to just walk away from the dishes and sink into reading the Jonathan Kellerman mystery book, Heartbreak Hotel and sip my cuppa cardamom tea. The tea is 3-in-one (tea,sugar,cream) given to me by a friend. It’s most delicious and full of good stuff. I have a large jar of the spice to make the tea once the 3-in-one is gone. Now I have another use for it besides cooking and baking. Looking at the pile of messy dishes made me feel squirrely. They look and feel like my messy brain. So I did my 4-7-8 breathing and started scraping dirty plates and putting things back in the fridge. And voila, dishes done!

Now I’m sitting pretty in front of my keyboard. The book still beckons me but I want to start this conversation. I need a hook to get into writing this post on this 7th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s a warm day. I had such a wonderful experience writing on the deck yesterday. I wanted a repeat and rushed out with my laptop after breakfast of one fried egg with a sprinkle of hemp seeds and a cantaloupe slice. I’m still on track with my meal plans. For lunch I had small portions of brown rice with coconut oil, roast beef and stir fried zucchini, mushrooms and celery and a bit of ferments. I’m feeling some progress – slimmer and less bloating. Or is it wishful thinking?

Once outside, I did my qigong moves to loosen up. Then I got distracted by my garden. The laptop and writing were abandoned on the deck. It was a good thing because the tomatoes have sprung up and out in the last couple of days. I struggled to get them hooped. I am Pretty pleased with their growth. They seem healthier and sturdier than my other years’ tomatoes. I’m looking forward to replenish my tomato sauce supply in the fall.

 

Once in the garden, it is hard to do just one thing. Everything begs for attention – just like Sheba. She lays content in her hollowed out spot in the yard, watching as I prune and pinch the tomatoes, weed the rows of peas and beans and hoe around the squash and goji berries. She’s like a benevolent supervisor. No criticism! Now that we’ve had rain, our water barrels are full again. It took a few trips with the watering can before everything was watered.

Now it is time to tend to my words. I’m committed to walking them. After all, what good are they if I can’t live up to them? I’m taking care not to say any falsehoods or things that need not be said. Why waste my time and words. They are both precious. Till tomorrow.

STITCH BY STITCH

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Some days, I yearn for all my yesterdays when I was young and mellow. I like the idea of being starry eyed and hopeful with the whole future ahead of me. That’s what the adults tell us. Now, I am one of those adults. I do not have that whole future ahead of me. Instead I have the limited edition. Does that make it more valuable? Whatever and however it is, it’s best I use that time to spend it in meaningful joyous splendour instead of lamenting for yesterdays.

It’s easier said than done though. I have spent at least half my life time languishing and sighing like a helpless damsel in distress. Habits die hard. They surface and resurface like sewer from a manhole. It’s bit difficult to put a lid on it. I keep trying. My efforts have not been in vain. I have made progress, small but still rewarding enough to keep me on track. I am walking down a new street now and not the same one with the manholes.

Days have passed and I’ve neglected being here but I’m still on track. I’m being mindful – doing the practice and reading the manual, page by page, not skimming nor skipping ahead. I will probably have days when I will falter. I will probably have days when I will skip. But then that is the practice – coming back again and again when I do. I have not faltered with my Jesus stitches. I am making very good progress, stitch by stitch, day by day. That is all I can ask of myself.

 

ON TRACK

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I’m still on track. My dining table is still clear. I know it’s only a few days into September. I should not be crowing success yet but it does cheer me. I will use whatever tools that will help. Getting up, dressing up and showing up every day works. I’m feeling more positive and energized. I wasn’t that way when I woke at 6 this morning. It was still dark. I was stiff and feeling yucky, for lack of a better word. I do not want to stay in this world of yucks. That’s my reason for embarking on my year of inquiry into everything.

I inquire of myself: Is it true? Do I really feel yucky? I tried to sink into that feeling. Then I asked how I would feel if I didn’t believe in that thought. I tell myself my body was just in the motion of waking and warming up. It’s not sick. It’s not depressed. Somehow the questions lifted some of the nauseous heaviness. Yes, nauseous was how yucky felt. At least I’ve identified it.

How are you on rising? Are you one who rises smiling and shining? You are indeed lucky if you are. However, I now believe that I can choose how I feel. I’ve given much lip service to the adage fake it till you make it. Now I’m doing it. If I practice an action enough, it will become a habit. Granted that I am but human, I know I will not be successful all the time. For one thing, it is not always appropriate. Nobody can or should smile and shine in times of a catastrophe or grief. But I can try to be a more positive and silent person. I don’t have to whine so much.

How was your day? My day turned out pretty well after all. The sun was out at 7 am. I took time to drink in all its delight. I let it infuse me with its light. It warmed and soothed my sore spots. It set the tone for the rest of the day. My step was lighter as I left the house for my exercise class. I worked a little harder, stretching a little more to reach that unreachable star. This is my quest. One should always have dreams. And I do.