Tag Archives: nothingness

On Idleness and Nothingness

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I am seldom idle with nothing to do even though I feel as if I’m languishing my life away. All our technology today does not allow me a moment of nothingness. But ask me what I have accomplish in any given moment. I cannot tell you. I feel as if my attention has been kidnapped. I am held captive, pushing buttons on the phone, tapping the keyboard search of news, stories, blah, blah, blah. All the things that matters squat. I know that. Yet it is hard to stop.

It has been especially bad this past year. Having lost my mother, it is natural that I am interested in other people’s similar situations. Pretty soon there’s alot of posts in my feed from people losing their mothers. Grieving and suffering, I am naturally drawn to stories and articles on that and how people overcome their issues. So by now I have been saturated with so many stories of loss and suffering. I didn’t know there was so many weird and awful diseases, congenital defects, accidents. How is it possible to live? It is no wonder I am not a happy camper.

I remember a time when I did not have a computer or an iPhone. Now I am an owner of an iMac, iPhone, iPad and a macbook. How many macs do I really need? Back in the days, I did no googling in search of things of no importance. I ate my breakfast leisurely, listening to CBC radio. CBC was news worthy and had interesting and educational programs. The library held many books to answer my questions on gardening, cooking, sewing, the arts. It was adequate. My brain was not flooded and short circuited by a million and one trivialities like it is today.

Recovering my brain and life is what I hope for this coming year. I hear that improvements in our lives do not happen on their own. Drat! It means I have to do the work. So where to start? What pops up in my mind is mindfulness, going back to morning idleness and nothingness. It is the thing that have saved me over and over again. It should be easy to do nothing again, right?

NOTHINGNESS AND LISTS

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I played hookey today and enjoyed a bit of nothing. It’s quite hard to do – this nothingness. Have you ever tried? I used to be quite good at languishing but now I have to work at it. I have to think about it, make a conscious effort just to relax and idle. I planned it last night. I decided that I was going to skip the exercise class in the morning and rest. I feel something, perhaps a cold, coming on. The guy has a sore throat. I have a bit of the shivers, perhaps in sympathy.

I can’t call today  a total success. Rest and nothing are hard to do. Perhaps I sat and read my murder mystery an hour at the most. I used to be able to sit and read for hours. Now, my concentration and attention are fractured and splintered into minutes and seconds. Try sitting in silence for 5 minutes. It’s long. I have no trouble with a 20 minute sitting meditation because I am guided by Mark Williams’ voice. Even then, my mind wanders off in many directions. I am comforted by the fact that it’s called a practice.

As for making lists like I said yesterday, my lists are in my head. 1)I tended to my most pressing thing in the morning. I should get points for that. 2)I cleared off my dining room table. I feel better even if I put everything that was on it in a basket. 3)I sorted one file and shredded the outdated material. I think that’s enough for one day. My hair was standing on end after that one. Ugh! I’m letting Sheba take us out again on this 20th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Tomorrow is another day.

 

NOTHINGNESS AND POSITIVITY

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Today I’m writing from Kat McNally’s prompt in this space – the last time I felt completely relaxed was…. I’m not quite sure if it is possible for me to feel completely relaxed.  But I’ve been working hard at it.  You see, that is my problem – I work hard at everything with guns blazing.  Does that sound relaxing?  Of course not and it backfired on me.   So now, I’m working on not working so hard.  I do learn from my mistakes or it’s just my body was sending out SOS signals and I finally listened.

I have dedicated this week to nothingness and positivity.  My body and mind demand it.  I need to let go of the striving part of me, always striving for goals of further, better, more, of being in perfect harmony control. Nothingness is a little easier when you are down and burnt of energy.

IMG_0980I started the project(my striving mind talking again) with the way I walk Sheba.  There was going to be no hurry, no yanking of the leash, she can sniff all she wants. How long can a sniff last?  It was going to be a mindful walk, being in the moment with my furry baby.  It worked pretty well, though I did forget myself a few times.  OK Sheba! Enough! Yank on the chain.  What can I say but bad habits take over.

We met someone early on our walk. Remembering positivity, I smiled and said good morning.  She replied with: It’s a beautiful day. I replied with: It’s about time!  Bad habit took over again.  The retort was out before I could stop myself.  I cursed a little at myself inside.  I stopped. No beating on self allowed either!  Positivity and kindness apply for myself, too.  It was a good walk.  I learned a lot about my behaviour being mindful.  My talking mind was going a hundred miles/hour in my head.  I saw what a hurried and controlling person I was inside.  No wonder Sheba digs her heels in and refuses to budge sometimes! Dogs need to smell their coffee, too.

It’s good to take time out, let go and let the nothingness take over.  In the nothingness of that time, however short, I found peace and relaxation.  I will not ask nor strive for more. It is enough.