Day 9 in a year of…

Posted on July 31, 2016 by hafong

Day 9, July 31, 2016 @3:14 pm.

I am showing up at my keyboard earlier today. But it is not any easier. From the distance of now, this morning was easy. But I do remember having to take a tylenol to get it started. It is never easy. I just have to get here and peck out one word at a time.

This morning I sat with Melli O’Brien and Joseph Goldstein for day 2 of the Mindfulness Summit from 2015. I was more mindful, jotting down key points. The point that meant the most for me is that mindfulness is not a hobby. It is about the totality of our lives. Goldstein also stressed on:

Being simple and easy
Being with what’s happening
Practice in coming back again and again
Perseverance
discipline
courage

I’m listening to that advice. The sky has broken open. Thunder is rumbling. The rain is pouring down, drumming on the deck roof. I will take the day easy and simple. I will be with what’s happening – listening and watching the rain with Sheba on the deck. I will be back tomorrow.

WHEN GOD FARTS

Posted on April 12, 2015 by hafong

I’m in a bit of a strange space lately – not really crazy, but not quite sane. I have a bit of a rant, some anger in me. I can’t quite let it out. You see, I have succeeded in calming my mind through my 8 weeks of mindful training. I’m the driver of my emotions now. When I feel the first heat of a burn, the system takes over. Do you need to feel that? A voice reverberates within me. HISSSSS! The extinguisher douses the flames. No heat or anger burns in my chest. I am saved again for another day.

Yes, I am in a bit of a strange bubble. I am happy to have Kate McNally’s #AprilMoon to write in. If you haven’t notice already, I’m not writing chronologically. Today is Day 10 and I’m writing on Day 6’s Prompt. I’m being soft and flexible.

Whenever thunder grumbles overhead, I think God is angry and having a big fart over his children’s shenanigans. Is that a disrespectful thing to say? I do have a bit of a foul mouth and have been accused of voicing what others would only think.

I think God does have a lot to fart over right now. I might as well say it than to have slow burning lump of coal in my chest or stomach. And we are all in it – this world of us. I feel the despair and hopelessness when I watch or listen to the news – another unarmed black man shot in the back by the police, hundreds of aboriginal women murdered and missing. There are still so much more bad stuff out there.

It is better for me to let out this sadness and despair than to let it simmer inside. If we all fart crocodiles tears, have some dialogue and talk about our humanity, we would at least not feel we’re all alone in our sadness and hopelessness.

Just me talking again in my bubble without my space suit. Have a good day.

NOTHINGNESS AND POSITIVITY

Posted on April 9, 2015 by hafong

Today I’m writing from Kat McNally’s prompt in this space – the last time I felt completely relaxed was…. I’m not quite sure if it is possible for me to feel completely relaxed. But I’ve been working hard at it. You see, that is my problem – I work hard at everything with guns blazing. Does that sound relaxing? Of course not and it backfired on me. So now, I’m working on not working so hard. I do learn from my mistakes or it’s just my body was sending out SOS signals and I finally listened.

I have dedicated this week to nothingness and positivity. My body and mind demand it. I need to let go of the striving part of me, always striving for goals of further, better, more, of being in perfect ~~harmony~~ control. Nothingness is a little easier when you are down and burnt of energy.

I started the project(my striving mind talking again) with the way I walk Sheba. There was going to be no hurry, no yanking of the leash, she can sniff all she wants. How long can a sniff last? It was going to be a mindful walk, being in the moment with my furry baby. It worked pretty well, though I did forget myself a few times. OK Sheba! Enough! Yank on the chain. What can I say but bad habits take over.

We met someone early on our walk. Remembering positivity, I smiled and said good morning. She replied with: It’s a beautiful day. I replied with: It’s about time! Bad habit took over again. The retort was out before I could stop myself. I cursed a little at myself inside. I stopped. No beating on self allowed either! Positivity and kindness apply for myself, too. It was a good walk. I learned a lot about my behaviour being mindful. My talking mind was going a hundred miles/hour in my head. I saw what a hurried and controlling person I was inside. No wonder Sheba digs her heels in and refuses to budge sometimes! Dogs need to smell their coffee, too.

It’s good to take time out, let go and let the nothingness take over. In the nothingness of that time, however short, I found peace and relaxation. I will not ask nor strive for more. It is enough.

COMING TO OUR SENSES

Posted on June 19, 2013 by hafong

It is another overcast day. The greyness wraps itself around my shoulders. It seeps through my pores, clouding me, slowing me. I do not let it drag me down. I hear the traffic whooshing down Preston Avenue. Life is busy as usual and I must move with it, however I can, as best as I can.

It’s a good time to get into the moment, this moment, the present moment. I have been listening to Jon Kabat-Zinn, a professor of medicine, an expert on stress and mindfulness. Something he said in his book, Coming to Our Senses, twigged something within me. We have the five senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and touching. But how aware are we of them?

I often turn a blind eye to many things, a deaf ear to the sounds around me. I try not to feel, afraid of the unknown. I eat to fill my stomach, not savoring or discerning the different tastes of food. My nose wakes up only to the pungent odours. I am ‘out to lunch’ too much.

On this day, I am coming back to my senses. I am trying to come back home to me. I am staying here to feel the grey. It does not hurt me. I see the sun trying to come through the layers of grey. All is well with the universe. I stay here in this moment, to feel the wind on my cheek, to smell the fragrance of the rose, to hear the birds sing and to taste the raindrops on my tongue.

THE WEIGHT OF IT ALL

Posted on March 26, 2013 by hafong

So here I sit on this 42nd day into Lent. I’m sipping my black coffee and feeling as fat as my laughing Buddha. I am, however, not feeling as jolly.

I’ve been feeling more tired lately, finding myself breathless when Sheba and I are out for our walks. It is hard to bend over to tie my boots. I attribute that to the amount of clothes that I have on. Yesterday, I could not find any clothes that looks good on me. Everything emphasizes my belly. I look like my laughing statue. Well, my ears do look considerably smaller than his.

I still went out for lunch, but that was after a romp at the dog park. I have discovered this restaurant called the Asian Buffet and the food was just sumptuous with so many selections. I chose mostly the healthy ones or so I tried to comfort myself. To tell the truth, I felt full after my appetizers of 2 steamed Vietnamese rolls, 4 little sushi rolls and a tiny salad. But I felt compelled to go back for my plate of fried rice, stir fried veggies, some noodles and 2 little deep fried chicken nuggets. And of course, after that some dessert of fresh fruit and one tiny sweet square.

Well, I am not quite sure whether I am still so enamored with the restaurant. Perhaps it is too much of a good thing. To be sure, it doesn’t really help my weight problem. But I want to get all the mindless, addictive eating out of my system. Now I can settle down and do something about it. What better time than now, in the last days of Lent, to make that commitment?

I have a plan already. One must have a plan. Start small. Add to it. Figure in lapses. Keep at it. The reward would be feeling better, looking good and being able to bend over to tie my boots without gasping for air.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: mindfulness