Tag Archives: lost

Lost

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A sunny mid October morning. I’m sipping my second cup of tea. I am tired from yesterday and the day before. Age is catching up with me. Lunches, art galleries, quilt shows and coffee with my father are adding up. I shouldn’t complain and am not. Getting out in the world and connecting with others is always a good thing. It feels like I’ve been in a vacuum this past year. I’m slowly making my way out into the world again.

It feels a bit overwhelming sometimes, waking up to the world we have today. But I am here, caught up in the constant traffic along with the rest of humanity. It is a bit disorientating. I am reminded of the time I was in Hong Kong. It was on a Friday afternoon when people got off work early. I was standing on the sidewalk with people streaming past me. The sidewalk was like a moving escalator. I was, of course, lost, a foreigner among her own people.

I’m feeling less lost and not getting lost as often. I check and plan where I am going. Now there is a Googles Maps app. I can get directions livestream right to my ears. Now there’s not much getting lost but I still get stuck frequently, starting and stopping. Life is never perfect. Whatever would I do if it was?

Feeling stuck, I do a walk through the house this morning, putting away and throwing out things. I do a walk out the door and through the garden and the greenhouse, snipping and pulling. I hooked the hose to the water catchment and turned on the water onto the greenhouse beds. It could be the last watering. Then it’s time to stop and make lunch. Another day and no dollar.

Lost

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. 18 days feels like a long time. I’m at a loss for words. Each day I had intentions of finding my way back to the keyboard. I’m finding that intentions means beans as each day ends without results. Today without setting any goals and intentions, I’ve finally found myself back to this place. Though it did not get very good reviews on Goodreads, reading a few pages of Julia Cameron’s The Listening Path this morning helped guide me back.Whatever works is good.

It’s ten months since my mother has passed. Ten months feels short and long at the same time. Time is a funny thing. So is life and death. I’m at a loss of many things besides words. How am I to express myself? How am I to find myself back to normal? What a cunundrum. So I am writing for guidance. I am reading Julia Cameron to quiet my brain and to learn to listen. I’ve just discovered that my head is a busy, noisy place. It is full of chaos. I have no order of thoughts. I must quiet myself and sort out the mess. I must find the way back to morning and afternoon meditations, even if it is only 5 minutes.

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

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And the winds continue to blow. I feel its howl in my bones. I’m caught back in the space of restless anxiety. Have you ever been there? It’s not a restful place. I’m here tapping on my keyboard on this 25th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I hope the rhymthic tapping can soothe and smooth me. If nothing else, I will have a blog post. I am a little displeased with myself for having fallen into this nervous trap – again. I feel like Alice plunging down the rabbit hole. But it is really not my fault. It is my brain and nervous system. I am built this way. I can’t help it.

I breathe and think loving kindness towards myself. May I be safe. May I be calm. May I be peaceful. May I be loved. I imagine the wind whispering all these to me. I picture a kind smile on its face. I feel the wind wrapping me in its warm embrace. I am stroked and loved. I am safe. I can let go of the tightness in my limbs. I can let go of my breath. I will not fall. I feel the sun coming out to smile down on me.

All is well. The world is as it should be. There is nothing I can/need to change except what is within me. When I change, everything changes also. I am that pebble thrown in the ocean. Gee, I have more power than I realize. What a Eureka moment! I am not immobilized by my fear. I am moving my fingers across the keyboard. The fear is a catalyst for opening my senses to new ways of seeing, feeling and thinking. I will survive this after all. Hallelujah, Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

So now it is evening. I have survived another day. And none the worse for wear, I might add. I got lost again, led astray by Mrs. Google Maps. Lost is my usual state of being. I drove around and around. I was a  little frazzled and late for my appointment. People are kind. Women are not good with directions. I am not good with directions. Nobody was mad. We all had a chuckle. Life is mellow again.

 

AND THE BEAT GOES ON

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It is exactly Frinday and time for Friday Fictioneers.  We gather each week to tell our stories of approximately 100 words inspired by a photo prompt.  We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple.  Here’s my 100 words this week.  My story is inspired also by being lost most of my life.  I have no sense of direction.  Sometimes it makes for good stories.  Thank goodness for Google map.

rainy-night

PHOTO PROMPT -© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The rain came in torrents, drumming down on the roof.  She could hardly think.  She covered her ears with her hands, lowering her head on the steering wheel.  Thank God she was alone!  There was no witness to her inepitude.

She sat.  There’s no need to rush.  There’s no place to go.  She was lost!  Worse, she couldn’t figured out which button/lever to turn on the wipers.  There was no manual.  She checked.  She couldn’t find the radio either.

She should have checked it all out before she left the rental place.  Should have, could have.  The beat goes on.