Tag Archives: intention

FALLS AND FAILURES

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The other day I wondered why I am still so caught up with all my stupidity on my clutter. I have been retired for 7 years and I am still writing on and on about the same things. When am I going to stop? It feels rather bizarre. I feel my life unlived. I need to stop. Right now! I can hear Caroline Myss‘ voice shouting. Stop it, right now! But you know that I won’t. I have committed a year to doing Stephanie Vogt’s A Year to Clear.

I haven’t made great progress. I am taking those ‘baby steps’, a phrase I hate with a passion. Let me rephrase it to little steps. No point in using words and phrases I do not like. It is important how we talk to ourselves. It could make or break us. I AM making progress. I feel my path clearing before me. It’s like being on the ski track. I am getting to be a better skier, too. Not speed wise though. I’m still mincing along, like a Chinese maiden of yore, on bounded feet. I’m using less effort and steadier, though I did tumble straight off today. I landed flat on my back. My head thudded in my soft snow.

Our failures lies not in our falls but in not getting up. I rolled onto my side. Got my skis out from underneath me. Bent my knees toward my chest and got up almost gracefully. It is very satisfying rising with my boots still attached to my skis and my feet in my boots. Hooray, I am risen! I will have to practice in leaning forward more. I am still falling straight back, right on top of my skis. Amazing! And the day was so beautiful, the trees casting shadows in dappled sunlight on the snow. The dogs across the back alley barked as we circled around the park. I did my usual 2 to the guy’s 7.

It is almost the end of the day. I am tapping and waiting for supper. My sourdough chocolate chip cookies are in the oven after the roast came out. It’s not the baking and roasting that is labourous. It’s the dishes and cleaning up after. I did a whole mess of washing dishes, pots and pans today. I made Chinese steamed buns this morning. Then there was lunch and the cookies. I try not to think of how much work or time it all takes. I said to myself, OK, it’s a process. Do one thing at a time. There is no rush. No need to count how much you have accomplished. It works pretty good. I got into a flow, washing one dish, then two, a pot, a pan and so on.

Now I need to set an intention to sew another mask tomorrow. I have the pattern and material ready and set out.

RITUALS AND HABITS

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This morning the sky is overcast, but the leaves are still the greenest green and I am a shade paler than blue.  I have been caught unaware by ‘forces’ and inattention.  I have allowed myself be invaded by energies of not my liking.  Perhaps I am talking too much, revealing too much.  I am being vulnerable.

So what?  I am, after all, just a mortal being.  And if I have all these feelings and experiences, there must be other people going through similar things.  And if no one talks and shares, we will be isolated like islands in the stream- with no Dolly Parton to sail away with.

I am working hard to bring myself back to center.  I am paying attention and setting intentions.  It is those rituals and habits that save the day.  One of my favourite phrase from Regina Brett is:  Get up, dress up and show up.  I remember that on mornings when getting up is hard to do.  You see things in different perspective when you’re up and standing tall.  So when I remember, I change my point of view…like changing my walk route with Sheba.  I do get lost sometimes by going in a different direction.

Getting lost is not a bad thing.  Getting lost makes you slow down and get your bearing.  You focus, you think, you observe, you see.  I see that I don’t have to rush and find the answer right away.  I see that I have time to breathe, to look around, to find my directions, to find me.

So this morning I got up, dressed up and showed up.  I made my cup of tea and did my qigong exercises, throwing out my stagnant chi.  I focused and felt my energy field.  I set my intentions.  I breathed.  Everything is copacetic.

ATTENTION, INTENTION, GENEROSITY, GRATITUDE

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I have come to the conclusion that Sheba has a divine purpose in my life.  She is here to show me how to live….that is that I must start each day with attention, intention and joy.  I must leap forward each morning with generosity of spirit and gratitude in my heart for all that I am and all that I have.

Every once in awhile, I catch glimpses of how perfect and wonderful our universe and my life are.  It’s like a jigsaw puzzle with all the pieces falling into place.  I feel a stillness in the air and I know that I feel God’s presence.  He comes to me every once in awhile, in those magic moments and I am awed and gratified.

THANK YOU for all that there is and all that I am.

SURPRISED BY JOY

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I have always loved C. S. Lewis’ book, Surprised By Joy ever since I came across it some 40 years plus ago.  It was part of my English 110 class and I have yet to read it.  I have it still.  I love the title and I am sure it is about joy.  What better time to talk about joy than at Thanksgiving?

I believe that joy is that zest that we all have.  It is that quest to learn,  to seek the new.  It is that something  that we were all born with.  It is how we learn to talk, to walk, to do all kinds of wondrous things.  Joy is what Sheba has and is, even in her sleep.  She is always full of joyous, endless energy, happy to see people, wagging her tail in greeting.  She is a constant reminder of how we should greet life.

It is something that we all can have, no matter who we are or what circumstances we are in.  Joyous is something we can choose to be.  Sometimes it is not easy.  Sometimes it is damn hard.  At those times, I have to take a run at it.  I focus, breathe, and take a running leap at it.  I remember those field days in school.  Not being a natural athlete, I try to put in extra effort, bow my head, breathe in and out, run like hell and leap into the sandpit.  I don’t think I won any ribbons but….I participated.

Today is one of those cloudy days that doesn’t do too much for my spirit.  Today is one of those days that I have to take a running leap towards joy.  But just now the sun is peeking out, my bread is poofing in the oven and I’m thinking I might aim my camera out the front door to capture some autumn colours.  I might even rake some leaves.  A girl has to do what she has to do.  And I might be surprised by joy.