Que Sera Sera

Posted on February 20, 2026 by hafong

Another sunny cold day in my desert. I am slow at the gate, not getting anywhere fast today. I have to be content with stuttering on the keyboard and sipping my cup of instant coffee. Life is hard. People are difficult to understand. I shall not hurt my brain trying to figure them out. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be. I will have to let whatever will be, will be. I am not God. I am in search of Him.

He is elusive today. I will have to muddle along among the cacti and sand dunes by myself as well as I can. It is good not to be bothered by the noises and confusion of the outside world. I have to learn to let go of things I cannot change. Not everything and everybody can be saved. I can’t hold on with all my might to everything and everyone. I can’t stop the train thundering down the track. It surely will kill me if I try. It is time to let it go on without me.

In The Desert

Posted on February 19, 2026 by hafong

It is cold in my desert this morning, -28℃. The sun is shining bright. It feels right, almost normal. Even in the desert, it is hard to keep out the noise and the chatter. The Prince has fallen off his horse. There are no knights in shining armour. There are no gurus to lead us out of temptation and evil. We have to rescue ourselves. I’m here in the desert, listening to and for my own wisdom.

We all have it, our own inner wisdom. I have it but I often doubt myself, trusting in the words and teaching of others. It’s not that I have been misled down the wrong garden path. It’s that I’ve always thought that I am wrong and in the wrong. It’s always my fault for whatever. I have been a martyr but I no longer want to be one. It’s a step in recognition. It’ll be another to follow through.

Stepping into the desert has given me the energy I long for. It’s wonderful to feel alive, not moping, not feeling hopelessly lost in inertia. I have finally seeded some onions, shallots, leeks and celery. This morning I practiced my qigong routines. I was surprised it was a bit challenging. I was tired at the end. Now I am in the process of clearing and cleaning the house to welcome in the new year. Cleaning house reminds me of Rumi’s poem, The Guest House.

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

40 Days, 40 Nights

Posted on February 18, 2026 by hafong

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I haven’t observe Lent for quite awhile now. Yesterday I was hit by a desire to go into the desert and see if I could find Jesus again. Lo and behold, I find that Lent starts today. I am not sure how I am going to spend the next 40 days and 40 nights. I have my own beliefs of the holy. I have my own way of prayers. All I know is that I have not felt the holy, the awe for such a long time. I miss it and feel lonely without it.

The world is such a strange place to me now. So much evil have come to light. We knew of them deep in our hearts before. It was easy, comfortable and safe not to acknowledge them. Now, there’s nowhere to hide. They are so awful I want to vomit. I want to shout and wail, How could they? Why? All that for power, money and sex? All that for ego? Who are we, these creatures that hurt and kill each other and ourselves?

I hope to find some peace and answers in the quiet of the desert. If not Jesus, maybe I will find my mother and my ancestors who can help me find some comfort. It’s come to me that I can spend these days cleaning within and without. It is said that cleanliness is next to holiness. I believe it. I have so much to tend to in these 40 days and nights.

KABBALAH – THE TREE OF LIFE

Posted on February 6, 2018 by hafong

It’s after 5 in the afternoon. I am sitting and tapping amid all the clutter on my desk. Feeling the fullness of the day. I am tired. I did say after seeding my mother’s and mine petunias and some chili peppers that I would be okay if I don’t get anything else done. And so I am. I’ve done a few more things so I am in double and triple happiness. I’m sucking on some Smarties also, pushing my happiness through the roof.

I’m exploring The Tree of Life –Kabbalah– with Caroline Myss. I’m taking the cosmic online journey into the ten powers of my soul. It’s an ambitious undertaking but I got the rest of my life to do it. It goes hand in hand with my exploration of my Bernina 790. Let me make a goal of creating the tree of life on it in 6 months. I have to set the goal and the time frame. It’s that basket to shoot for. Lent is coming up. It’s time for me to go into the desert to study and create.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been in the desert. I miss it -the quiet and stillness. I close my eyes and I can feel its loving arms around me. I can hear the whisper of his voice in the air. His presence surrounds me. I am comforted. I am on the right path. I will be happy to spend time there. What will you be doing during Lent?

LONG AND WINDING ROAD – day 127 – 129 in a year of…

Posted on December 1, 2016 by hafong

Day 127 – 129 – December 1, 2016 @5:32 pm

A few days have slipped by. I’ve been absent from this space but I’m here now. That’s how it is in real life. Some days we go missing and we will have to find our way back – if it is important. It is. The pages of the calendar keep turning. It is now December. The days are getting shorter, the nights longer. Soon it will be Winter Solstice. After that the reverse will happen. Life in cycles.

In this year of doing different, I am sojourning forward – out of the fear and the darkness. There’s light at the other end of the tunnel. I am in the desert. It’s where I am suppose to be. I have things to learn. I am safe for I am with me. The road is long and winding. The challenges beckon. Come on. Take one step. Then another.

Knit one. Purl one. Keep going. You will figure out the pattern. One row. Then another and another. There – now you have a sweater. Now you have a life. Wear it. Live it. It is yours. Tomorrow you will wake and rise to face another challenge.

A FLOWER IN THE DESERT

Posted on November 1, 2014 by hafong

I’ve survived to see another morning! I think I’m going to live for sure this time. The porridge is simmering/boiling over on the stove. I’m sipping my early morning Chai and tapping my heart away. Life looks good again. I’m savouring this moment, breathing in the goodness, thankful for God’s caring of this wilful child.

Yes, I have been lost in the wilderness of my desert, succumbing for awhile to the devil siren’s songs. I have wandered these last few days, following her enticing melodies – like the rats after the Pied Piper. I have been lost, but now I am found.

It is good to step out of desert into the oasis that is my life. I no longer feel that it is small. I no longer feel I am small. I am a woman who have accomplished much in her life time. She has travelled from her village in China, to Hong Kong and then Canada. In her life here, she has travelled to the Scandinavian countries, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, China. Malaysia, Thailand. She has cruised the Caribbean and Alaska. She has just returned from France. And she does not call China home any more.

This woman has been a child. She is a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. She has waitressed, been a secretary and a nurse. She has walked and stumbled many a times. She has celebrated, cried and suffered losses. She will many times again. She has lived and does not need instructs on how to be. She is learning always – on how to be better in this universe.

For now, she has given up writing her novel during NaWriNoMo. Instead she has taken up lolling and resting in the warmth of the sun, reading Alice Munro and Joyce Carol Oates. She is enjoying their words and artistry of plots and descriptions. She hopes it will rub off on her.

She is no longer thinking of herself as a rat but a desert flower, blooming despite her arid past. She no longer feels she lacks but is rich and fulfilled – with love and experience, if of a different sort. She is after all rather eccentric or so she’s been told not just once. It is a compliment most supreme.

Joy is rushing into her now. Ideas and words are popping into her head. The words are rushing to come out of her fingertips. Whoa, slow down! One at a time please. My fingers can only go so fast. What is the hurry? There is time. Tomorrow is another day. Don’t mess me up now, Scarlet.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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