Tag Archives: getting along

All Talked Out

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Another hot day gearing up. I thought I would get an early start and tackle work outside. I hooked up the hose to our rain catchment behind the garage to fill the pails for the greenhouse. I waited and waited. No water came forth. I turned off the tap, disconnected the hose and turned on the tap. Not one drop of water! My ugly neighbour immediately came to mind. We saw her messing around the area when we drove out of the garage a few days ago. She has raspberry bushes right beside the rain catchment. It would be an easy thing for her to turn on the tap and drain it. She has dumped our rain water into the back alley before when we used a big tub.

We thought there was nothing for her to complain about with an enclosed unit. No breeding ground for mosquitoes. Nothing ugly to bring down the property tax on our block. I know, of course, that these are not her true objections. What I know for sure is that her objection is me. She takes pleasure in causing me grieve. In the past, I have blown my top and lost my mind many, many times. The only thing I’ve accomplished with that is compromising my physical and mental health.

Now, I don’t turn a blind eye. I see her and I know her. I know I’ve done my best. I’ve tried to talk to her, have ignored her and have reported her to the liason person within the police department. She’s not a person that I have an ability to talk, explain and reason with. The police had a problem talking with her also. She talks over me and them. She reminds me very much like a Donald Trump. Quite often when I used to talk about her in the past, people probably thought I was the problem. You should talk with her was an often given advice.

The good thing is she is not malignant. She does petty vandalism. I think she is also a bit of a coward. She hides in her house after she causes some mischief. My best weapon is not to give her any attention. She is really not worth it. I truly cannot love my neighbours. I have one on each side of me and one across the street. All women. But I do not hate them. I have compassion for these souls. But I am not their keeper.

Walk On By

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I woke up to a cloudy morning with raindrops on the windows. Looking out, I see that one of our tubs for catching runoffs from the garage roof is laying on its side. Well, that’s doing alot of good, I said to myself. The second thought was the season of what’s-her-name has started. I went out and righted it. The large rock to weigh it down was still in it. Must have been a mighty wind or a push. Our neighbour has dumped our rainwater into the back alley in the past. She complains it breeds mosquitoes. So we put a screen over the tubs. We try to empty the tubs as soon as possible before she does.

I have moved past getting angry and crazed by my neighbour’s antics. Being angry was not very effectual but very harmful to my physical and emotional health. It made me look like the one with the problem. Of course, I have tried to do the neighbourly thing – given her some of my plants, talking to her. It was an impossible task. She would not allow me to talk. Even the community police officer had a hard time getting in a word edge wise.

After many years of trying different ways, giving her no response is the best solution. Being human, I am not 100% foolproof. Sometimes I do lose it. I always pay for it. Then I learned some more on not reacting. I just have to keep on walking by with no eye contact, not saying hello. It’s not the neighbourly thing but a very wise thing to do.

HOW TO LIVE IN EQUANIMITY

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I’ve come to accept that I am a striver, always trying, to do better, to be more. I am a restless soul. In this life, I will always be busy trying and trying. I will rest later – in my next life.

It’s not for lack of trying that I don’t get along with people. I’m feeling I’ve failed miserably in that department. It seems that I’m always thinking, thinking and thinking what else can I do, how else can I be, to get along, to please people. I feel I’m always lacking, that it’s all my fault. I should have. I ought to. Why didn’t I?

I am exhausted by it all now – this getting along with people, this pleasing them. There seems to be no pleasing. What about me? Don’t I deserve some consideration after all I HAVE done. I felt incensed. I felt like screaming. I did scream yesterday. I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Trapped! So often in life, trying to live in equanimity, turning the other cheek.

I was harvesting my carrots in the raised bed yesterday. I kept seeing those little spruce trees wherever I stepped. In frustration and anger I stomped on them. The neighbour had planted them in our yard. She claims that it’s part of her yard. She weeds the strip along her driveway on our side and said she will probably until she dies. She hates weeds. She also has the Weed Man spray herbicide along the strip – right where we have our vegetable bed.

I have called the Weed Man office to complain that it is actually our property they are spraying and we have food growing there. They have put the information on the file but I will follow up in spring. Trying to deal with the neighbour directly in the past have not successful. It only made things worse. She comes back at you in a different direction. What is best is no interaction whatsoever. Sometimes I forget and then there’s hell to pay. It gets exhausting sometimes. I’m trying to look at it in a different way.

Those little spruce trees will grow taller. They’ll be a fence and barrier against the snow she likes to shovel into our yard. Take a breath. There’s a silver lining in every problem. Take another breath. She is teaching me a lesson. There is no pleasing other people. I have to take care of myself, living up to my own personal code of conduct. Take another breath. I’m over the frustration and anger.