Tag Archives: change

TRUE CONFESSIONS

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I have to confess that I am having a difficult time with everything lately.  Perhaps it is because I am right on the cusp of RETIREMENT.  My life is going to change.  The word CHANGE is enough to scare the beejees out of anyone.  Maybe I need to change the way I talk to myself….the things I tell myself, the words I use.

Then, there is the weather.  I am sure that I can feel every drop in the atmospheric pressure.  I feel every shadow of each cloud as they pass over the sun.  It is no fun to feel your heart in your mouth.  I think I would prefer my foot.  Well, I can still joke.  That is something.

So this guy suggest that I surround myself with white light.  Then I could enjoy whatever energy is around.  That is a lovely thought…to enjoy whatever there is.  It is what I try to do when I embrace heavenly chi.  I hold this protective shield around me.  Seeing it in my mind’s eye makes me feel better already.  Letting the words fall from my fingers eases the fear.  Sometimes I drop out and nap like Sheba if I can. Escapism is not a bad thing.

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Vulnerability is not a bad thing either.  How else can God know what you need if you don’t tell?  I know he is all knowing and all that, but he is a busy fellow.  He has a large flock.  Sometimes all he needs is a whisper.  Other times you have to scream.  OVER HERE, GOD!

Screaming definitely makes me feel better, even if it is only in print.  It releases my stagnant chi.  My chest is relaxed and I can breathe.  Maybe now I can find that notice to renew my license plate.  It is due tomorrow.  I will find it.  I am not behind.  I have time.  Sit, stay and dine.  Everything is copacetic.

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ORDER AND PATIENCE

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It is six o’clock in the morning.  The sun is out and shining bright.  Sheba is fed, watered and satisfied.  The world is still quiet.  There is order and I am learning to be patient.  Nothing is permanent.  Everything passes.  That is the nature of the universe.

I shall not be afraid of the universe.  I shall not be afraid of my own nature.  There is reason.  There is order.  I shall go forth to greet all there is and learn from the experience.  Rumi’s Guest House is my favourite poem and it says it all.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

BROKEN YOLKS

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I suppose by now everyone knows that life is hard.  Nothing is easy.  Nothing is free.  Nothing is perfect.  You can’t even count on perfect fried eggs every morning.  Sometimes a yolk will break.  It happens.  Life happens.  That’s the way it is.
And we really should appreciate what is, because that’s all we have.  Right at this moment, I get it.  I’m feeling the moment, the flow of it.  I’m savoring the sweetness of the now.  I know that this moment will evaporate soon enough and I will once again be restless with dissatisfaction and distress.  That is also how it is sometimes.  It is all right.  That is how I can change.

Change is really difficult….even in the direction of my daily walk with Sheba.  I always turn right at the end of our back alley.  When I make a conscious effort to go left, I feel the resistance in my body.  I feel discomfort.  I feel torture.  I feel PAIN!  Weird, huh?  I am such a creature of habit.

Today, I tidied up one shelf in the closet.  I found three pairs of pants bought some years ago.  Bought but never shortened nor worn.   One still had tags on it.   I’ve almost shortened two.  I will have a nice pair to wear to see David Suzuki tomorrow night.  Change can happen.  I have changed…a little at a time.

MORNING HAS BROKEN

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Morning has broken in Saskatoon.  It is beautiful just like that first morning.  The sun is out, glistening upon the fountainhead.  A chickadee is drinking from its base and then it is gone.  The morning air is cool and crisp – only 3 degrees.  Sheba steams as she relieves herself on the grass.

This is the part of the day that I love the most.  The world is still quiet, just stirring itself.  The frenzy has not yet started.  I can still think.  I can still breathe.  It is Saturday.  I hear the traffic slowly start along Preston Avenue.  Soon this madness called living will begin.

Now is the time to plan my day and not let it fall into willy nilly.  It is very cool to be a free spirit but unstructured has never worked for me.  So to keep doing the same and expecting different results would be insanity, as Dr. Phil would say.  I am making a change today.  I am going to make a to do list.  That is my first change.  It is a very small step, but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. (from my venerable ancestor, Lao Tzu)