Acedia and Me

A sunny morning for the 30th of September. So many things to do and yet I am stuck, not knowing how to start. I couldn’t very well take a run at it, not knowing what and how. Worse of all I don’t feel like it. I’m feeling what the Greeks call acedia, the inability to care. It’s no stranger to me but it’s the first time I’ve encounter the word that describes it so well. I have to give much thanks for Kathleen Norris and her book Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer’s Life.

I do feel a wee better now that I’ve spoken out. I’ve broken the ice and can take a run at things. It’s the last day of September. It’s a agood bye to the old and hello to October tomorrow. It will be a start for another month of the Ultimate Blog Challlenge. I’m limbering up my fingers and shaking awake my brain. I tend to be a mental as well as a spiritual sloth. How can I motivate myself to wake, care and feel passion for all that is in the here and now? Perhaps that will be my theme to explore for the next month.

Prickly

I’m feeling a bit prickly like the cactus I drew and painted this morning for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I’ve been busy as a beaver with the weeds in the garden, harvesting, blanching and freezing peas and more peas. There’s lots more coming. So I am tired. Then I get another airduct cleaning scam phone calls. I get them almost daily, more than once daily. The thing to do is to hang up but sometimes I get angry. Today I got angry. I hate myself when I try to get to the bottom of something. There are no bottoms and I get madder.

One of the reasons I write often is to soothe my ruffled feathers. The rhythmic tapping on the keyboard is almost like a pacemaker,putting my nervous system back on track. I hate it when I’m out of kelter. I lose and waste so much energy to these kinds of episodes. When I am aware of what is happening, I try to channel the energy into something useful. Often the easiest thing to do is washing the dishes. Writing a post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge is another way. It is not as easy or quick. I have to sit myself down before the keyboard, quiet my mind and find words and ideas. On busy days it is very hard. It is the most satisfying when I can push through all the road blocks and make it happen.

There’s 2 more days left in the UBC and the Daisy Yellow Index Card Challenge. I have to admit I am not feeling very excited or motivated at the moment. These moments are very challenging. I know I can somehow push through. There needs a beginning, a middle and an ending. It’s a long and tedious journey. It’s ok to sag in the middle but I need to cross the finish line. I’m giving it all my effort.

June

What can I say about June? I’m all out of words. This is perhaps not the best time of day to be engaging. I’m tired from a day of gardening and my blood sugar is low. I feel morose and discouraged. I am unable to resist another cup of coffee and some crackers with peanut butter. I am still doing ok. It’s only my 2nd cup and not my 3rd or 4th. Peanut butter is a good protein, food for my brain.

I want to continue my journey here. It’s good for my mental health to have a space to mutter and utter my angst. It’s good to show up for the first day of the month. It’s starting off on the right foot. May was a good month for me. I set intentions for the month to work on developing better habits. Intentions are helpful. They give me a sense of direction so I am not so lost in the wilderness. For June and July I have another art challenge – daisy yellow index card a day challenge, making art on an index card for 61 days. I’m still working on #the100dayproject. I have 9 more teacups to go. For a reading challenge, I’m reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Deemed to be the greates novel of all time, it intrigued me. I shall see for myself.

These are some of my plans for June and July. Tiny, easy and simple are still my key words. I also have to feel good about doing these things. Importantly, I will celebrate every little success. I think this is enough for now. My words are not flowing easily or smoothly.

Pulling Up My Bootstraps

The longer I loll in bed, the harder it is to rise. I bit the bullet, whip off the covers and sat up. No matter what I was feeling, I dressed up, sat on the toilet, washed my face and showed up for breakfast. It was a good one this morning, omelette and toast. I didn’t have to make it either. I’m pulling myself up by the bootstraps. Stand tall, feel better.

Life is good. It is good to have challenges to get the day going. I’ve posted for #the100dayproject as well as for April Love 2025 both on FB and Instagram. It is a photo challenge to a word prompt for each day in April. I have bread dough proofing in the oven. Now I am trying to get this post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge written. It is day 5 and I’m still here! It is easier to keep the momentum going by showing up every day. A little dab will do it. I choose short and easy.

Retrieving My Soul

There’s a rhythm in having a daily routine, in having some daily challenges no matter how small they are. Life is no small thing. It’s a big deal just getting out of bed in the morning for me in these times. I find myself lingering and lingering, burrowing into my covers. I find myself wondering what the heck happened to the me who couldn’t wait for the morning, the night before. The thought then does propel me out of bed. That action starts the ritual of getting dressed, washing face, brushing teeth and showing up.

The memories of sunnier times, of well being helps me going forward to find and retrieve my spirit, my soul and purpose. So I draw and paint my teacup for the day. I write these few words for today’s post. It’s a good beginning for the day.

Start Where I am

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I’m back, trying to tap out a few words, a few thoughts. It is not easy. It is damn difficult starting…anything. It’s torture actually trying to find an opening. So, I’ll just start where I am. It is almost April. I’ve signed up for the April Ultimate Blog Challenge. Challenges have a way of giving me a boost. I’m warming up and flexing my fingers for the keyboard. I need not be clever. I need not be profusive. I just need a few thoughts and a few sentences.

Life has been bumpty, with more than just a few twists and turns. I’m not here to tell sob stories but they might spill out just the same. I’m here to get out of those ruts and puddles and back to the flow of life. I’m hoping to tap out some insights and solutions. I’m hoping to get back some oomph. I’ve been a dishrag for too many months now. I don’t wear dishrags well. I hope to inspire myself.

While I was dumbstruck this morning, I seeded some kohlrabi and cabbage. I soaked some bitter melon seeds for easier germination. Then I washed some dishes. It’s better to do something, anything rather than being stuck motionless. Now I’m on the way. I’ve broken the ice. I hope my words will flow for the April writing challenge.

Wordless Wednesday

Thank God for Wordless Wednesdays! Today is super challenging and here I am, enrolled in all these volunteered challenges. For one thing, today feels super hot after endless grey, rainy and cool weather. I should be jumping up and down with joy BUT…I’m feeling lackadasical. I don’t think I can find myself out of a wet paper bag.

But I have to show up somehow. I mean, I can’t just fold up and hide away. Well, I suppose I could but what would that say about me? Hmmm. I muttered to myself and went out in the world anyways. What can I say when my mother asks me to get her 2 cans of chicken broth? I went and got her 2 cans of chicken broth and some other goodies. The outing did cheered me somewhat. And so did painting 2 little index cards for my Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. They’re not great art but they are cheery.

Looks like I’m not wordless after all. The other challenge I have is much harder. It is getting rid of those damned creeping bellflowers that is all over my front year. And to think I did it to myself because someone said they’re good groundcover and have pretty blue flowers. The downside is they choke out everything and very, very hard to eliminate. Have a look. Some failures. Some success. Like everything in life. But this is the year. The first photo is of an area loaded with bellflowers. Subsequent photos of small areas I’ve cleared most of them. Of course they do come back, especially after a rain. I try to keep on top.

Well, this was very wordy. I guess I had to get it out.

UBC DAY 5 – Pink Elephant

Besides this writing challenge, I’m halfway through the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I’ve been doing that for a few years with very smooth sailing this year. Words conjure up pictures and pictures evoke words. It creates a very happy creative space for me. I’m working a day ahead with the word prompt ‘imaginary‘. The picture that popped up in my head was a pink elephant. We all know that the only pink elephants that exist are in our imagination/hallucination. We can’t really see it but we surely feels the weight of it. Yet most of us do not speak of it.

I’m a bit of an exception, being contrary and all that. My experiences of pointing out the pink elephant in the room have been all negative. It did not help one tiny bit but caused friction and rift in my relationships. My advice is to just paint them. Do not address them verbally. Just know that all the parties are aware of that pink elephant in the room. Being wiser now, if I see a pink elephant I would walk out and go into a different room.

ANTIDOTES FOR EVERYTHING

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

It’s a brand new morning, a brand new day. Rain is in the forecast. I hope the rain will fall. I can’t remember when we’ve had a full day of rain like in the good old days. Where have all the rain gone, long time gone? I’m feeling nostalgic and melancholic for the seemingly good and steadifastness of the past. I wonder if I am deluded. I wonder if it’s my advancing age. Nothing seems safe, steady or predictable any more. I’m feeling a bit weird, unhinged and anxious about our present world. Life has a strange overcast. I feel the disconnect, that sound of one hand clapping.

Instead of just talking about it and drowning myself in a sea of useless words and thoughts, I could sit down and do some real work. I’m going to find some antidotes for those thoughts and feelings. I think our mothers and grandmothers were smarter than us. They believe in the house beautiful and cleanliness is next to holiness. At least my mother did and I’m sure she learned it from her mother. I believe that, too, but somehow I hadn’t acquired their ability and skill. I’m up for the challenge of learning though. It would give me a sense of purpose. It would engage my mind and brain so that they will have less time to wander willy nilly.

There’s no time like the present time to start. I see the way forward each day is to clear my mind, empty it of overwhelm, be a blank canvass. It’s difficult to make a start when it is jam full of stuff. I will have to do it any way that I can – meditating, solving a wordle puzzle, do my daily drawing…and work from there. This morning I’m working on putting things away after I’ve used them. Having done my drawing, I’ve put my pencils and erasers back in their case instead of leaving them lying around on the table. If I do this habit enough times, it will become automatic in time.

MY DAILY STUFF/CUPS OF TEA

Sometimes I feel that I’m up to my eyeballs with stuff, that I am biting off more than what I can chew with my daily challenges of #the100dayproject, April Love -posting a photo/day in April, and writing a blog post daily for April’s Ultimate Blog Challenge. But when I get down to it, it is not really so much. There are many things that we have to do daily to have a healthy and good life. We have to sleep every day, get up in the morning, wash our face, brush our teeth, eat, go to the bathroom, bathe, move, go to work and exercise. Those are the basics. How much and how well we participate in those activities depend on how well we want our lives to be.

I’ve been having different light bulb moments lately in my present life stage. I’m more acutely aware of defining moments. It’s a good thing because my moments are decreasing each day. I want more value from them. I do not want to waste time on things that don’t matter or things I can’t change. My daily challenges/projects help to sharpen my awareness. Sometimes they make me sad before I get glad. I am learning to change and make detours. I am learning to be still, listen and wait before reacting because things have a way of correcting by themselves without interence from me.

I’m rather glad/fortunate to have all these challenges. They give me purpose and rhythm to my day. I have a list of things to do when I wake up in the morning. It’s like having a cup of tea, meditating, doing Wordle, looking at my world to find a photo, finding something to draw, finding words to write a post… They’re the kind of things that won’t give you a rush like jumping out of an airplane, but they excite me.