buses

PRIORITIES AND GETTING THERE

Life goes on no matter what happens to me. Nothing stops. The planet turns. People go to work. The buses, trains and planes are arriving and departing. Someone once said to me that men are like buses. If you miss one, you can always catch the next. We have one life. We can’t have another – unless you believe in reincarnation. Even then, it is not a sure thing. I rather bet on a sure thing, this one precious life. I want to live it the best I can.

We are one collective breath, breathing in or out of rhythm. I rather be in tune with the earth and cosmos. I’ve been out of synch too long. I’ve had a few aha! moments. I’ve said I would do better. I do and then I forget – again. I’m saying it again now. I don’t know what number this is, but it is the truth of life. That’s why they say it is a learning experience. I shan’t beat myself about another failure. I shall stay aware and do my best until I forget again. I’ve always come back and try again. I am a success story.

So here’s the thing, the stories we tell about ourselves. I’ve had to learn to tell different stories. The old ones weren’t working. They bought me down into a dark abyss. The walls were too slippery for me to climb out of. I don’t want to stay there. I started to call myself the little train that could. I toot my whistle. I switch onto a different track. I want to get to a different place.

So here I sit, still tapping about trains, buses and planes. I’m brainstorming and dreaming of new possibilities. I try not to overthink everything but just be in this moment. I try not to do anything and everything. It’s all right to be still and silent. I listen to the sound of one hand clapping and look at that hole in the donut. I will relax, breathe and contemplate on my navel. I will put one foot in front of the other till the end.

BUSES,TRAINS AND PLANES

Saturday, January 25th, Chinese New Year. Not much for those in China to celebrate. The Coronavirus having claimed 41 lives. The skies are grey here. I am doing as best as I can. It’s not life as usual. We cannot really use that phrase anymore. There’s no more as usual. It has to be better. I’m trying to do better but when I try too hard, I get stuck and spin my wheels. I’m spinning and kicking up a bunch of dust and debris. I’m trying to find my words to get me out of here. What I need is a bus, train or a plane.

I have very faint memories of leaving our village in Taishan, China with my mother many years ago.  There was my mother, me, No. 2 Pau(my grandfather’s sister-in-law) and her 2 grandchildren travelling with us to Hong Kong. To help, my grandfather’s youngest brother travelled with us by bus as far as the big city of Guangzhou. He had made the trip before. But my mother said he was not much help at all. She had to steer us – 3 kids and an elder woman.

What is vivid in my memory all these years later was seeing my first electric bulb in the hotel room. It dangled from the ceiling so bright when my mother finally woke me the next morning. I can remember sitting on our duffle bags at the station. I had strict instructions to stay put and take care of Ah Pau while the rest of them went in line to buy tickets. It was for the train that took us to Hong Kong. I had no memory of it at all. I thought we had caught a boat. My mother corrected my memory years later. I was only 6. How much could I remember?

But I do remember there was no one at the other end to meet us. There was a mixed up. We were all afluttered. What to do? My mother had an address. We got a taxi. As we were getting into it, Ah Pau said to the driver not to take us astray. She had heard all the horror stories of what could happen in cities. My mother tried to shush her. It was fine. He took us to the right address. Of course he tried to rip my mother off with the fare. But our friend’s wife flew out of her house and gave him whatever.

Not long after, my father and his cousin showed up. They had gone to the wrong station. It was the first time that I knew my father. I was 2 years old when he left our village for Canada. So we lived happily ever after in Hong Kong. My sister was conceived and born. My father and his cousin flew back to Canada. My sister was almost 2 when we flew to Canada to join our father.

Oh, what a mash of words! But they’ve told a story. Buses, trains and planes have been in my life. They’ve taken me to a few places in life. So much for this day – number 25 for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. To be continued tomorrow. Hoping for smoother words.