Tag Archives: Alice in Wonderland

I DREAM OF ALICE

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It’s a Friday in France. My apple cart is still upset, sleeping only every other night. What can you do when you fly over an ocean and cross time zones? Unfortunately my body is not a machine. It does not go on and on like an EverReady battery.

I am missing the smallness of my life back home – my morning rituals, writing in my sun room with my fur baby at my feet. She knows my moods. She licks my wounds and picks me up. I miss my flow of words.

It is not a bad thing missing the familiarity and comfort of home. It makes me appreciate what I have. I work a little harder and pay a little more attention to the here of France. I am not skilled at details nor at gathering information. I absorb things but can’t spit anything back.

Maybe it seems foolish of me to keep up my writing but it helps my focus. It trains and disciplines mind. It’s not that I want to develop multi-tasking. But if I want to be serious about my writing, I want to learn to be more flexible and be consistent at it.

My routine is disrupted but I can still put my mind in that 15 minute space and in that one-inch picture frame. My concentration and train of thought are scattered to the wind. Can I put my mind to what is right before me, in this place now?

I put aside my small discomforts of travelling as much as I am able. I appreciate the special place I am presently in. Now is the time for expirencing and learning. I look around and take in as much as I am able. It is mentally challenging and tiring at the same time, not knowing the language, not familiar with the culture.

I am a strange woman in a strange place. I am in the desert of my dreams. The shadows of the old have followed me across the ocean. They are nipping closely at my heels. I feel their hot breath against my skin. I hear the snap of their teeth close by. But I elude them.

At times I feel as if I had wandered into another’s life. I am THE Alice who fell down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. Can I write her story? More importantly, can I write my way out?

That is the key, of course. We have the key to unlock the doors to Wonderland. We can write a different story if we don’t like the one we’re in. We are not trapped. There are ways out of rabbit holes.

RIDDLE, FIDDLE, DIDDLE, DE

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My heart likes to do tricks in the morning.  I pay it no attention.  Let it do the fast elevator down.  It’s trying to grab and trick me into excitement.  I might be a slow learner, but I’m onto it now.  Though I like to dawdle in the warmth of my bed, I rise and greet the day.  It is still dark at 7 o’clock.

I smell fresh coffee perking.  The aroma is enough to satisfy me.  I know its tricks, too.  It is in cahoots with my heart, trying to get me going.  I make my Chai, strong and sweet.  I savour its spicyness.  It is enough.  My heart beats its regular rhythm – no more elevator rides.  It’s best not to think too much, to analyze and figure out the why of everything.  It’s not always wise to get to the bottom of things.  The bottom might fall out if you figure out all life’s riddles.

I have to leave things alone, let the mystery rest.  Quite often, there is no mystery or reason.  It just is.  I have found that difficult to accept.  I’m such a contradiction, you know.  I HAVE to know.  I HAVE to understand.  Why?  Why?  Why? is my lament.  I’m quite tired and worn out with my ceaseless ruminating.  Now, I’m trying to be more accepting of the universe.

Yesterday, I stepped into Alice’s Wonderland for 15 minutes.  I attended her tea party with the March Hare, the Mad Hatter and the Dormouse.  The conversations were fascinating, remarkable and nonsensible.  As I listened, I heard familiarities to real live conversations I’ve had.  I recognized myself in Alice, always interrupting and demanding things to make sense.  Her whys were answered with why nots.  And indeed, why not?  You might as well figure out life’s riddles with a fiddle.

Less ruminating and thinking for me.  More doing and sweating.  Those are new goals for me this month.  No pain.  No gain.  I HAVE to heed my own words and PUSH forward, live life in the present lane – 15 minutes  at a time.  You can stand anything for 15 minutes, right?

You can travel a fair distance in 15 minutes even within the normal speed if you don’t dawdle, window shop or stop for coffee,  I am pleasantly surprised at how much I can write, tidy up and read in that short time.  Yesterday, I attended Alice’s tea party, met the King and Queen of Hearts and her whole troupe in that time.  It is not always how hard or long I push.  The key lies in my focus and steadfastness.

IMG00232Different ways work for different folks.  What works for me might not work for you.  You have to fiddle and solve your own riddles.  My songs and mantras make sense to me, but you will have to march to the beat of your own drum.  And that is a blessing.  Wouldn’t it be a dull world if there’s only one way, one tune, one beat?  There will be no sound with one hand clapping.  You have two of them.  Use them both and clap with ferver.  Clap with glee.

Don’t start a revolution.  Instead, create a solution.

 

 

TELL ANOTHER STORY

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I take my first sip of tea.  Sheba barks at a passerby.  It’s Monday.  It’s a cool 3 degrees Celsius sunlit morning.  Gold and orange leaves drift down my elm trees and roll across the sidewalk.  I think of the song The Autumn Leaves.  I am feeling mellow and relaxed, none of yesterday’s angst.

I have to ask myself of yesterday, Was that true?  Or did I let myself get roller coasted by the false feeling of the moment?  I have to be more conscious and question myself the next time it happens.  In the throes of my angst, I feel such self-loathing, mean spirited and anger.  Is that who I am.  What if it isn’t true?

This morning I consciously choose to turn it around.  It isn’t true.  What would I be without those thoughts about myself?  I am not that person. That is when the sun came out and opened the door to my heart.  I feel such relief.  Thanks be to Byron Katie and her teachings!

alice-little-doorI can tell another story for I am THE writer of my life.  I have the control of the keyboard and the words.  The page is clean, ready for me.  What WILL Alice do today?  Will she swim out of her puddle of tears?  Will she follow the white rabbit or will she choose a path of her own?  Will she continue to shrink and grow, shrink and grow haphazardly?  Or will she put her foot down and say NO MORE ?  I will be am who I am.  I am Alice of the normal size.

Can you tell I have a fascination with Alice in Wonderland and Lewis Carroll?  How can I not be? The charming nonsensical story brings a smile to my face.  Just imagine yourself in a doll house, with one leg up the chimney and an arm out the window.  Picture a gathering of animals outside underneath the window.  The are trying to mount a ladder against the wall to reach the arm and yank Alice out of the house.  See what I mean?  Are your lips quivering with mirth?

Life need not be so serious and high voltage all the time.  You can easily burn yourself up rah, rah-ing.  Just watch this video.

Tight dresses and stiletto heels can be hazardous to your health.  You can trip and fall.  I hate even imagining the how of the fall and where those earrings would catch.  Not that I am knocking Lisa Nichols.  Life coaches and motivational speakers have important roles. Sometimes we need a rah or two to push us off our butts.  I admire people like her and Tony Robbins.  They have such electric personalities.  They can get you moving, but will you be able to sustain it after the show is over?

I go for the slow motion of tumbling down Alice’s rabbit hole.  It’s a needed rest from my seriousness.  What is slow and fast can be deceiving.  Sometimes I am faster than I think. I have a friend who signs off with “Don’t move faster than your Guardian Angel can fly” after every email.  It’s good advice.

I like to say in the words of Gracie Heavy Hand from the Dead Dog Cafe :

“Stay calm.  Be brave.  Watch for the sign.”

 

 

 

 

GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM WITH ALICE

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Groundhog_Day_(movie_poster)

Image from wikipedia.org

Some mornings I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, waking up to the same morning day in and day out.  The unchanging greyness frightens me in the first moment of wakefulness.  Have you ever experienced that?

The thing not to do is to dawdle in bed, but I do.  The greyness holds me there.  I am unwilling to touch the cold floor of reality and face the day.  I’ve been here before many times.  I know that the moment my feet hit the ground, the feeling will dissipate.  No, it does not magically evaporate.  I have to assist its departure.  How?

Getting out of bed is the first hurtle.  The rest follows:  I get up, dress up and show up at my desk.  I put one letter, one word….any letter, any word and start.  Things happen when you move.  That is the law of life.  It is not rocket science, as they say.  Don’t you just hate cliches?  I’m past the hurtles and I am sitting here, tap, tapping out the words.  I hope for magic today. I want to feel the words tumbling off my fingertips like water rippling over the rocks in the river.  The sound of the keyboard is music to my ears.  I see the stream of words floating gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily life is but a dream.

IMG_1089I’m rowing my own boat, steering, pushing it towards my  destination.  You have to have a little bit of oomph to get over rough spots. The weather changes and the water can get rough.  A life jacket is a must.  A rope or two can be useful.  You can never tell.  It’s best to have some tools on hand.

The weather has changed.  The sky is steely grey.  I feel the ghost tiptoeing on my grave. It is alright.  I am well acquainted with him. He cannot hurt me.  I breathe and drop the other shoe.  There are no explosions of catastrophe.  The quietness of a Saturday morning presides.

I am safe in my home, in my own skin.  I am the captain of my spirit.  I get to change the direction in which I travel.  The sky is grey.  Autumn leaves of orange and gold are floating past my window.  They are whispering and teasing me with their graceful dancing movements.

“Come with us.  Come with us”.

Image from google.ca

Image from google.ca

Perhaps today would be a good day to explore – to travel down Alice’s rabbit hole.  Would I find her Wonderland?

I stepped inside the book yesterday just for 15 minutes.  I fell down the tunnel with Alice and landed on top of a bundle of twigs and leaves.  We chased after the white rabbit and came to a hall full of locked doors.

We found a magic key that opened a door. We still could not get in, of course.  It’s not that simple.  If it was, that would be the end of the story.  There would be no Alice in Wonderland.  Life is like that too.  It has many corridors with many locked doors, all posessing different codes.  You need the right combination to unlock each.

I had to leave Alice swimming in the puddle of her tears, wondering how she was going to get into that Wonderland.  I will find another 15 minutes to be with her today.  It is an intriguing story.  It has grabbed the child in me.  That’s what good stories do.  I’m learning the process.

 

ALICE STILL LIVES HERE

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image from google.ca

image from google.ca

It’s funny how names, phrases and snatches of songs play through my mind.  They come on airs of whimsy, unsolicited and unexpected.  Alice is one of the names.  Perhaps I was inspired by Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass.  In that case, I have Lewis Carroll to thank.  I wish I have his gift of imagination.

I know the story of Alice falling down the rabbit hole, the tea party and the Mad Hatter.  I haven’t really read the book. I do not know the details.  I do not know how she got out of the rabbit hole, or whether it was just a child’s fantasy dream.  Now, THAT’S a worthwhile project – read Alice in Wonderland.  I have the book on my kindle. What better way to stir up my imagination, if I have one.

November is just over a month away.  It is the National Novel Month.  I have time to mentally prepare myself.  I have time to limber up, loosen my tapping fingers and cast out my stagnant chi.  I can resurrect my Alice of last year.  She can fall down a different rabbit hole.  Life is full of them.  There are so many mishaps, mischiefs and strange characters she can encounter.  There are many stories about rabbit holes.  I just have to tell one.

I gave up on her too soon last year. After an introduction and three chapters I left her sitting on my DESKTOP without another word, comma or period.  Alice is a worthwhile character.  She is full of potential. She has depth and dimension.  She is after all, a part of myself. She still resides in me.

She is a composite of all the Alices I admire/want to be – the imaginative, playful girl of the mirror, the curious girl in her Wonderland, the writer of poetry, short stories, novels, the wordsmiths that can move and change the world. They are the Alice Walkers, Munroes, Hoffmans, Kuipers of the literary world.  She deserves to be rescued from the shelf, dusted off and given life. Her story needs to be heard.

What will I have to do to succeed?  The most important thing is to write every day.  I set the goal for at least 1500 words a day.  That will give me 45000 words in 30 days.  I will have to cough up another 5000 words to qualify at 50,000 words.

Having made this assessment only a few days ago, I have had to put my writing aside a day here and there.  You can’t be rigid and dogged about it.  Some days life gets in the way. You have to be practical and flexible.  Sometimes you have to quit in order to succeed.  You have to let go of that bone.  Knowing when to quit is smart as Kristen Lamb posts in her blog.  It’s good to know better writers than I have given up projects a time or two.  Winners know when to fold them and when to hold them.

Am I making excuses for myself?  Time will tell.