Tag Archives: addiction

SHRINKING MY THIRST/ADDICTION

Posted on by
Reply

It’s a hard task to keep my mind weeded and clear of debris. Thoughts and information, useful and useless crowded in as soon as I wake and open my eyes. I have to admit I got distracted more than usual this morning. I’m having a time to clear my head/mind to that blank canvass. Until then it is hard to focus and work. I do have an intention formed from yesterday. And that is I want to down size everything, starting with my mug. I do love my tea but more isn’t always better. The sizes of things, including cups/mugs seems to have increased expotentially without my conscious awareness.

When I have a cup of tea, I’m actually having 2 cups of tea. So in a day, I drink 4 literal cups of Orange Pekoe tea and 4 literal cups of decaffineinated coffee. All in all, I’m not sure how much caffeine I’m consuming. My heart seems to be protesting lately by skipping a beat. I’ve had these episodes before so am not too worried. I will cut back caffeine by using a smaller cup. It’s come to my attention that the more I have of something, the more I want it. Even though I don’t enjoy the taste any more, I still crave it. That’s the case with my Orange Pekoe tea. I wonder if it’s the repetitive habit of having a cup of tea when I’m not sure of anything, in doubt or un-ease, created the addiction. While routines and habits can be helpful, I have to be watchful and change them up so they do not get addictive and cause harm.

Mug on left holds 2 cups. Mug on right holds 1 cup.

It’s afternoon. We’ve just come back from lunch. The sun is trying to shine. It’s starting to snow again. We do need the moisture. I’m all out of words. It’s a good time to start sorting my papers for my Tax Return. So ends this post for the 20th day of the Ultimate Challenge.

BREATH BY BREATH

Posted on by
Reply

It’s another Saturday morning, grey and misty. I am starting where I am. My desktop is cluttered with my cross stitching of Jesus. I have puddles of socks, slippers and Sheba’s toys at my feet. Yes, I am a messy disorganized lass. I’m working on it, ok? I’ve been tired and overwhelmed the last few days. I’m picking myself up, trying to dust myself off and start again where I left off. If I was to ‘fix’ everything before I start anything, I would still be in my mother’s womb. I’m doing the best I can. I’m obsessive, persistent and slow as a tortoise. We all know the story of the tortoise and the hare. We slowpokes can win.

I’m not winning today though. It’s difficult to get past go. I’m leaving the race for another day. It’s no point in fighting, going upstream. I haven’t lost ground but maintaining my stand. I am still starting each day with meditation. It’s good to begin with a clean slate/mind. Some days my slate is cleaner than others. I’m reading my books page by page in order, not skipping ahead. It requires a lot of discipline from me.

Patience is not my virtue but I am sitting with my discomforts, breathing in and out, watching my thoughts float by like clouds in the sky. Yes, I’m easily addicted, watching too many episodes of Longmire and Call the Midwife on my iMac. It is soothing for my aggitated mind but I’m not wasteful with my time. I am stitching Jesus while I’m watching, making good progress. Yes, I’m multi-tasking but it is relaxing. It does not make me fret. Finishing Jesus is one of my goals. I’m killing several birds with one stone, sorta speak.

So here I am, almost at the end of the day. I’m glad to be back in this space, tapping out this post word by word. I’m finding rhythm tapping on the keyboard. The exercise grounds me. Documenting my days, charting my progress enables me to see my way ahead as well as where I have erred in the past.

 

 

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MINUTE

Posted on by
2

Not every day and every minute are equal. I didn’t exactly bounce out of bed this morning. It was a slow wakening and lumbering up. No surprise that I did not do my reading nor meditation. However, one has to be flexible and try to work them in somehow. So this being an exercise morning, I did my mindfulness during the stepping up and down on the bench. I breathed in and out with the steps, putting my attention on my motions and body sensations. My mind did not wander much. When it did, I guided it back to what I was doing.

After class, someone mentioned how upset she was that someone left their dog poop right behind her car. That started me to recount a litany of my negative encounters with people while walking my dog. It left me with ugly feelings inside and the recognition that I must tell different stories. Reliving negative events serves no purpose except as a reminder not to revisit them. And just to show how hard it is to let sleeping dogs lie, I found a huge dog pile left behind our garage this afternoon. I’m fuming again. People and their shit!

I will make myself a cuppa and watch an episode of Call a Midwife for a treat. I got Season 2 and 3 from the library. I discovered the TV series on Netflix first free 30 days. Netflix lived up to its reputation of endless enterntainment. While I enjoyed it immensely, it was not good for my brain. It got easily addicted. I was quite content on the couch watching episode after episode. It required no effort. I was sucked into the vortex. In that 30 days I’ve watched the whole 6 seasons of Downton Abby. My brain felt sick after awhile. I did not renew after my 30 free days. It is harder for the addiction to kick in when I actually have to put a DVD into the player and hit play.

Now the day is over. I didn’t do my 20 minutes of reading. However, I did do my Jesus stitches. Sheba and I had our afternoon walk. Saskatoon is melting. Puddles of water everywhere. The snow is fast disappearing,  making visible loads of dog poop left behind by lazy dog owners. I’m still on that rant. I better leave it behind with the poop. I had my happy hour doing my free motion stitching with my Bernina and watching the setting sun. Life is good somehow.