Author Archives: hafong

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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

MY PATH

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Finally some sun on this third day of October. My garden is still producing. I’ve just harvested a bowl of goodness – some green and purple beans, 3 Sunburst squash and a few sprigs of broccoli. Life is good though challenges and difficulties never stop. Having this space to tap and sigh and bitch a little helps a lot. You will not find any Pulitzer winning writing here. It is but some mumbling of a simple woman travelling her path.

This month will be an exploration of solutions for easier ways of doing and living. I’ve started already by adopting shorter posts and letting go of my desire of writing a thousand words a day. It is a much easier goal to obtain. The other day, I made 3 instead of my usual loaves of bread at a time. Dough for 3 loaves is so much easier to knead. Then there’s only 3 pans to wash after. It was a much more pleasurable experience.

I’m not sure of what the next thing to be. I haven’t got a clue right at the moment. I won’t whack my head trying to figure it out. It will come on its own. I don’t need to work so hard at living though that is my personality trait. I can change. It won’t be easy. Old habits die hard even those that hurt and harm us. The payoffs of change are great. I will and can make the effort.

WHY I BLOG

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A rainy and gloomy day 2 of the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. I could easily fall into the gloom of the day. But as soon as I step out into the backyard and garden, I am greeted by cheer and colour. There’s my little monk sitting so peacefully in the herb spiral. I am reminded of my departed but not forgotten fur baby, Sheba. She forever resides in me and the little monk.

Edible chrysanthemums
New England Aster
Little Monk
Goji berry & nodding onion
Bush beans
Chinese long beans

I snap photos as I walk through yard and garden, trying to capture the beauty and feelings of the moment. I cannot totally get it all. Still it is enough to store for memory and to share. Who would think that I still have green beans to pick? The Chinese long beans are flowering but maybe too late and cool for beaning now. No matter. Still it is heartening to see them thriving and blooming in October.

It is soothing and relaxing to sit and tap out these words and images. My chaotic thoughts are ironed out by the rhythm of the keyboard. My distress is replaced by the images of the yard and garden. And I do not have to spew out the poison within me. I am saved and sane for another day.

THE BEST LAID PLANS

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October 1, the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I hope to write a post each day of October and share it on the Ultimate Blog Facebook page. Of course sometimes when we have hopes and aspirations, even the best laid plans can go asunder. Being such a dismal and rainy day, there’s a high chance for failure. Such negativity! I can hear the tongues clicking. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m giving it a good go.

I’m choosing sweet, simple and to the heart – meaning short. When I first started this blog, I had aspirations of writing a thousand and two words a day. I have never achieved or even got close to the count. But I do love the written word. And I am good at short and sweet, stuff for Hallmark cards. So I’m going that route. I enjoy challenges, interacting and obeying rules. The rules here are fairly easy and simple to follow. If we choose to post in the daily thread, we have to read and comment on the 2 posts immediately above ours. I plan to do that. At this moment, I have no extra energy to go beyond. I thought I would put that right up front.

So here’s good luck to me and all. One post a day for October. That’s it. I have no idea about what I will write each day – probably just more mumbling about my day to day life. It keeps me sane and hopefully sweet.

A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

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Many times I have found myself caught between a rock and a hard place. It’s a very difficult position. With experience, I’ve realized that I don’t have to own either. It’s not my responsibility to carry both loads. I can do my best in the situation but I am not that powerful. Seeing that now makes everything easier. Life is still hard but I can breathe through the difficulties and function with purpose and joy, knowing that I am doing the best I can.

WHAT IS FOR SURE

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What I know for sure is that life is never smooth. There’s always bumps and hiccoughs. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Otherwise it would be a dull journey. If there were no hitches, obstacles and detours, I wouldn’t know how to problem solve, adapt and change directions. Difficulties can be good medicine so I’m sucking it up, pulling up my socks and swallowing it. I’m being a woman.

What I know for sure is nothing is for sure. What’s here today can be gone tomorrow. Hence the adage of don’t hang on to things and no attachment. We’ve/I’ve known all this forever but not truly understand it. I only get it on rare occasions, like right now in late evening, tapping on the keyboard. I get it now in the midst of a hiccough but once the moment(s) is gone, the understanding can be lost again. And I go back to taking things for granted. I feel safe and secure again. And it is good. I need times in safe harbour, out of the storm.

SEASONS

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Autumn is perhaps a season I hate and love the most. It’s a contradiction and you wonder how it could be. I wonder myself. These last few days have been heavenly. My energy was boundless and flowed seamlessly. The days are golden and I feel on top of the world. I’m feeling the equinox high. I wish they could last forever. Knowing that it is not possible, I used the days to my advantage, harvesting, processing, cleaning. These chores are much easier and pleasureable when I’m buoyed by the sun. I feel a rhythm, a smoothness and a gladdening of my heart. I shall store the memory of this feeling for other days and seasons.

Those other times will surely come sooner or later. I will not be of good cheer. I will be stuttering in speech and movement. And everything will be hard and dark. But if I am wise, look and plan ahead, I can do the hard stuff on those sunny energized days. Then I have the luxury of sitting back, eating bonbons and taking care of ‘poor me‘ on those cloudy days. There would be less chance of me raining on someone’s parade. It’s a plan worth refining.

BEGINNINGS

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We make beginnings harder than they need to be. I spent years putting it off, studying and gathering information on this and that when I already knew everything. Yet it was never enough. I’m still tempted by all these courses and classes on how to. Now that I recognize that I’ve been procrastinating, avoiding and averting the commitment of myself, I am beginning.

I’m scrolling past and deleting all those enticing calls to better myself. School is over. It’s time to put away the books and begin. There’s nothing to fear. There are no absolute failures. There are no resounding successes. Somethings are better than others. Somethings are worse. Life just is. Begin to do something, anything. And if life gives you lemons, add volka.

SMOOTHER SAILING

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There’s a lot of truth in sayings. Everything does pass. If we can hang on, ride it out, things have a way of working out on its own. So that is what I did. I’ve passed those dangerous times of dark times and dark moods. I won’t say it’s smooth sailing from now on. But I am at ease and have regained some energy. I look forward to the mornings though I know I will wake in the dark. I can handle it. It is ok because in my mind’s eye, I can see and feel those sunny mornings. And if I can’t I can snuggle and luxuriate in the warmth of the bed.

I am enjoying the autumn, of slowly putting the garden and yard spaces to rest. I’m going with the tide, slowing down and resting my body and mind. There is no need to struggle. I have time to cook and simmer and fill the house with wonderful aromas. Somehow they have the power of lighting up my inner world. And while I’m prepping the garden for sleep, I am also preparing for the spring. I’m gathering seeds, drying and storing them. Come February, the waking process starts.

There is many things to do and enjoy. There’s time to do and enjoy. But I know dark times and dark moods can come again. Today I’m reminded of the prayer of St. Teresa of Avila. It is very comforting when comfort is needed.

Let nothing disturb you, 
Let nothing frighten you, 
All things are passing away: 
God never changes. 
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing; 
God alone suffices.

WHAT IS MY PLAN?

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A hot sunny day yesterday followed by a cool cloudy one today. One has to make hay while the sun shines. We brought our potatoes home from the allotment garden yesterday. It was easy to work in the heat and sun. Today I don’t have the same energy. However, I could not dawdle for I had an early appointment to get my car serviced. It was a good thing and unpleasant at the same time. No time to languish in the morning with my cup of tea. I dreaded the thought the night before. But the chore is done. A big sigh of relief. I’m ready for winter.

Winter is not quite here yet though. The garden and harvest is still not over. There’s still alot of tomatoes clinging dearly on the vine. And beans, too. I will have to harvest the kohlrabi soon to make room for fall garlic. I’m resigned to be processing tomatoes till Christmas. Today I have 7 trays of tomatoes dehydrating and made a pint and a half of tomato sauce. I’m not complaining. It’s a good problem to have. You just never know what kind of growing season we will have next year. And the house smells of goodness all day long. It is a very comforting and grounding activity, cooking food.

It keeps me busy. No time to fret and wool gather but I make time for a bit of reading. I’m splitting myself. I have 6 books on the go. I have the attention span of a gnat, reading a bit here and there. It’s a good thing the books are on my ipad app. I can renew them a few times and they return themselves. Four Thousand Weeks is my most recent read. It is about time management. If we live to be 80 years old, we have about 4,000 weeks, not a heck of a long time. This makes me ask the same question that Mary Oliver asks in her poem The Summer Day:

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do. With your one wild and precious life?

Hmmm. It’s much to think about.

A MOMENT

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Life is full of trickery. A moment is all it takes. All could be lost. The hard work, sweat and tears all for naught. But it needn’t be if I can stop the all or nothing thinking. I keep forgetting the shorter days with less daylight can be hazardous for me. I have to be more careful, keep an open mind and practice more compassion for myself. September is a month of falling off the wagon, burning my bridges and letting the horse out of the barn. It is the time for eating a big slab of chocolate cake and getting lost in an episode of Vera.

It seems crazy and cruel that a moment can happen so quickly. It seems strange in that nothing happened except in myself, that the nothing can trigger my feeling of failure and inadequacy. It’s too bad that the turnaround isn’t as quick. I think this is the hook that Pema Chodron talks about. It looks like there is nothing for me to do but recognize it and let be. And so I am – letting it be. There’s no place to go. There’s nothing to fix. It is.