Monthly Archives: March 2021

INSIDE AND OUTSIDE

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Tuesday, March 16th. There was a dip in temperature overnight. I slept in till 7:30. The ground and air looked frosty. It was -9℃. I checked the greenhouse temperature. It was .3℃. Then it dipped to .2℃ momentarily close to 8 am. Funny how it does that every morning before it rises again. Now it is 10:15 am. The greenhouse is 8℃ while the outside temperature is -6℃. Tomorrow’s forecast is for high of 5, then 9, 13, 11 for the following days. I hope that the temperature will stay stable without extreme dips and climbs. But that’s being hopeful. Still, I wish it.

I’m feeling somewhat like the weather. It is true what Caroline Myss says, “And as it happens on the outside world,  it impacts what happens in our inside world – because we’re part of these events. We’re the engine of these events.” I’ve been listening and reading her words and others for years now. I’ve taken a vacation away from all that during this Covid time. I needed the silence and time to listen to myself. Now perhaps I can venture back. I will find time to watch this episode of her new Reflections series.

MONDAY AFTERNOON TEA CHAT

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It’s Monday afternoon tea time. What I need is a cup of strong java. I’m as sleepy as can be. It was a job getting the lunch dishes done. I want to throw myself in bed and sleep the afternoon away. It’s not that I was up all night. It’s still that damn spring fatigue. I have to really work to stay awake, upright and moving. It’s totally ugly!

I can’t believe it’s +7℃ out right now. It’s March 15, technically still winter. It doesn’t end till March 20th. The snow is melting and disappearing fast. Cross country skiing seemed a lifetime ago, though I was still out just a few days ago. The greenhouse is heating up fast. It was in the pluses overnight, 7℃ at 6 am. We had to open 2 vents at noon when it went up to 29.5℃. The greens are popping up and the tomatoes are doing well.

I started some of the tomatoes in February. Some thought I was jumping the gun but I think I’m right on. I’ve been doing successive seeding but I need to get a move on with them. It’s the middle of the month already. I should have done the geraniums and petunias. I should have finished my seed orders in January or February. I didn’t but they’re in last night. I have enough seeds on hand for most things except for the sweet peppers. Well, I do have a greenhouse. They can be late.

I was timely getting online with booking my Covid-19 vaccine. My appointment is April 3. It was relatively easy and quick. I didn’t have to wait long. Now let’s hope there will be enough vaccine then. Lucky I was online and checking my emails. I had a reminder about my Monday online class on Mussolini, March 15th – May 3rd. It was starting in 20 minutes! So happy I didn’t miss it. It was very interesting. I didn’t have the same interest or understanding when I was younger. This was my first virtual class. I miss the social aspects of the in person classes of the past but this is better at holding my attention and interest. Plus, I don’t have to take the bus or park the car. That’s a real plus.

PANCAKE SUNDAY

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It’s 10 am Sunday. 5℃ outside, 9℃ in the greenhouse. It was 4.3℃ at 7:30 this morning. I can leave things uncovered at night. But it would be just my luck that the temperature would plunge if I did that. I will be patient and careful till April. It will be good exercise walking back and forth to the greenhouse now that my ski season is over. I will keep up with the routines to keep my head and heart healthy.

Sundays are for bacon, eggs and sourdough pancakes. For a moment I had thought today was Saturday but then I remembered our breakfast. Where would we be without these time reminders? And Saturdays used to be swim mornings and breakfast at A&W after once or twice a month. Saturdays used to be dusting chores when I was a child. I had to do some laundry, too. That was before we had a washing machine. I learned to use a washboard and to rub the cloth between my hands. My mother was preparing me for when she had to go to the hospital to have my little brother. Even though my grandmother came to stay during that time, I was expected to do the chores.

My mother prepped me well for life. I know how to keep house, mend and sew, pay bills and not live beyond my means. I never had to cook though. I guess I learned from observation and trial and error when out on my own. Her passion for us was education. She made sure we had time for homework and studies. She only had the opportunity of Grade 3 in China but she never stopped learning. I guess I got the bug from her. If something catches my interest, I’m off investigating and experimenting. That’s how I got into the sourdough. It was a year or two before the Covid-19. It started with just a bit of water and flour. Thank goodness for Google and the generosity of people who want to share their knowledge. The little bits of water and flour grew and tranformed into loaves and pancakes. It’s somewhat magical. You can learn anything if you have a mind to.

A SLOW BAKE SATURDAY

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It’s Saturday morning shining down. I woke to a plus 1.5℃ in the greenhouse. It is now 2.9℃ and -3℃ outside at 9 am. I’m sounding like a weather station, aren’t I? I’m recording history, not trusting my memory. I’m at that age now where I have to put my medications in a pill box organizer. I’m at that age when tying my shoe laces and clipping my toe mails are also a problem. I have to rely on my wits and not my physical agility. Too bad I can’t have both at the same time.

Saturday morning. I used to go swimming Saturday mornings not so long ago. It’s a has been. Then I took up the skis. Now it will be another has been until next winter or the next snowfall. I wonder if I can be as enthusiastic and dedicated on a bicycle. I’m not skilled, agile or at home on it at tall. I even fell off a tricycle once. I used to walk Sheba every day. Now I’m walking my fingers on the keyboard. I’m still exercising.

It is Saturday morning. I’m slow but not quite at a standstill. I couldn’t talk myself into tackling my sourdough tout suite upon wakening as I had planned the night before. But it is divided, folded, shaped into 2 loaves. They are dusted with cornstarch, wrapped and chilling in the fridge. They will be baked after my regular loaves this afternoon or evening. It is going to be a slow bake Saturday. Now for my second cup of tea.

MORNING CONVERSATIONS

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Another morning, another second cup of tea. It’s warmer both in and out of the greenhouse. I’m very hopeful my tomatoes will thrive and bear fruit by June. I’m not exactly thriving. Another slow morning. I think I am a bit under the weather. I will give myself a break today and stay off the ski trails. They are not their best anyways. It has just been an outing to stretch my legs the last two days. Even the Wildwood Golf Course was a bust. I had a few almost oops! But the fresh air, open space and the sky was worth the effort. It was a little country inside the city.

I’m happy to find my way back to the keyboard. These morning conversations are helping me to start the day. They’re a help for my mental health. I can mutter away and not bother any ears except the ones that want the bothering. I can get things off my chest, brain storm and start a creative process. They also help me by keeping track of things, a journal of gardening, cooking and whatever I have been doing. They’re kin to Julie Cameron’s Morning Pages. I like to use whatever tools I find to make life easier and more fulfilling. I love learning.

I’m learning it works to talk myself through difficult tasks. I ask myself what is it that makes it hard. Then I ask myself to describe and do each step. I try not to label myself lazy anymore, that it is just my brain thing. Thus, my laundry is folded and most of it put away. I still have those idiosyncrasies where I can’t put everything away or quite finish a job. I can work on that. I’ve fed Oscar, my sourdough starter, readying for starting some dough this afternoon. I’ve been trying for the last couple of days but haven’t muster enough energy. Today is the day.

My brother has just texted me telling me that our parents got their first Covid vaccines. Everything was very organized. It’s a huge relief. The sun is up and shining right on the greenhouse roof. It is -5℃ outside and 1.8℃ in the greenhouse. I’m looking forward to a great day.

A MARCH MORNING

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I’m having my second cup of tea and waiting for the sun to rise high and bright. I woke at 6 am to a temperature of -16 ℃ outside and -5.1 ℃ in the greenhouse. It is 7:50 am and the temperatures have climbed to -17 ℃ and -5.9 ℃. It will start to get warmer in another hour. Will my 4 tomatoes survive the test? They each are under layers of 2 pots and at least 5 layers of different cloth. They had survived minus temperatures up to -5 ℃ in the greenhouse before but I think it was a shorter period. I guess we will know in a few hours. The sun is bright and full above the horizon now.

Spring holds so much promise but it can be wearing also. I do not like this in between phase, the bouncing temperatures and the melting snow. I will miss the cross country skiing. It was not a great ski yesterday afternoon. The tracks more messed up, the snow sinking beneath my skis. One round around the park and I called it quits. The sun was out when we started for the park. Then just like that it disappeared. The clouds came and the sky darkened. I could feel a storm in the air. I would have welcomed more snow. None came.

The sun is quite bright now, coming in the east windows of my sunroom. It has always been a very bright room. Since we took the spruce trees down in August it is that much brighter and warmer when there is sunlight. Sometimes it is almost too warm even in March. How powerful the sun! In these few minutes the temperature has risen to -5.5 ℃ in the greenhouse. I am hopeful for my tomatoes.

It is 9:30 am. The greenhouse is warming up nicely at -3 ℃. Meanwhile it is -14 ℃ outside. The sun is bright. It looks warmer than it actually is. Stepping out onto the deck, the sun does not look or feels so warm. It has that grey cold of tepid dish water. I feel livelier than yesterday but I still would like to sink into a chair and stay there. Self talk was effective yesterday so I talked myself through sweeping the kitchen floor. Without Sheba, it is full of crumbs of all sorts. It is surprising how crummy a crumby floor can make me. Now if I can extend my self talk….

Ah, it is 0 ℃ in the greenhouse at 10 am. Pretty soon I can do the unveiling and see what happened to the tomatoes.

SELF TALK

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I’m feeling super slow and stiff this morning. I would not mind drinking tea and not moving at all today. Of course that makes me feel so guilty. Not wanting to ski till afternoon, I had to think of how to offset my laziness. While waiting for my kettle to boil, I summoned enough energy to throw all the laundry, blacks and whites, into the washer. I hear that is the trend nowadays. It usually goes against my grain, but I see no harm in doing that once in a blue moon. It saves a bit of energy for vacuuming the stairs and bathroom. Lint and dust gatherings there makes me feel worse when I’m feeling tired.

It never fails. No matter how many pairs of reading glasses I have, there’s none around when I’m looking for one. But I did find a pair when I was downstairs putting the laundry in. And, of course, it has to be right after I planted some tomatoes in the greenhouse that the night time temperature will drop. Why did I not check before hand? I was feeling pretty confident yesterday after 2 mornings of above 0 temps in the greenhouse. So I planted 4 of my Long Keeper tomatoes. Then I see that the low tonight is going to be -18 ℃. Yikes!

Not all is lost. I had 24 plants total. Lost one to frost. Planted 4. That still leaves me with 19. I shall bring all the unplanted seedlings in the house for tonight. There’s no point in playing Russian roulette and losing them all. The 4 that are planted can be the test subjects. It is sunny morning. Already the greenhouse is up to 9.1 ℃. I shall cover the tomatoes with black pots, row covers and blankets and hope for the best. I have to test the waters. I’m impatient. It’s all a new experience for me.

The laundry is done and hung. I’ve been hanging up clothes to dry forever. It’s not my favourite thing to do but it sure saves on the power bill. It feels like such a hard thing to do. I know it’s not true. It’s a brain thing like so many other chores. Our brains can be tricky. I try not to let it fool me with self talk. I ask myself what’s so hard about it and goes through the steps of hanging up a piece of clothing, one by one. Then it’s all done. I ask myself again, what was hard about that?

I’m having a cup of decaf now. I still feel like hell. Opening a new jar of coffee took effort. Some days are like this. I appreciate that I had put in some seed orders in the winter. I still want a few more things but it is not essential if I don’t.

SPRING FEVER

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I’ve never really understood what is meant by spring fever. By the sound of fever, I think of frenzy and therefore energy. It makes sense that after a long winter, one longs for and is ready for some action. I wonder what happened to me. It’s contrary to how I actually feel. I thought maybe it is another one of my anomalies but apparently there are others who suffer the same. There are explanations and remedies if one is interested. If all fails, I would just sink into my lethargy and have a nap. What is the point of fighting heavy eyelids?

The days are warming up. We do our cross country skiing mornings before the snow get too mushy. There was a bit of fresh snow this morning. My skis likes to hang on to it causing more traction. I wasn’t able to double pole down the slope and across to the other side. It was a bit of work but I got a workout. Some unhappy camper has been messing up our trails each day by walking right on the track. You could see that it was quite deliberate. We’ll see tomorrow if the new track we made is walked on.

The greenhouse is heating up. 2 days now the temperature overnight has been above 0. The days and nights have been warmer. Maybe the pails of water inside act as a thermal mass helping in keeping the heat in during the night. Some of my tomato seedlings are a fair size. I decided I would plant 4 of them right in the bed. I have enough to spare if they come to a mishap. Meanwhile there’s some action in the planters I had seeded with greens in the fall. I was hoping back then that they would sprout and grow and we would have fresh lettuce in December. That was wishing for too much. I revise that wish to fresh greens in May and tomatoes in June. It’s good to have high hopes.

I’m somewhat more awake now. I’m not fighting Mr. Sandman. I’m glad to have made an early start with some of the seeding. To be honest, I’m really not feeling so keen now. But I seeded a couple more things today – Chinese fuzzy gourd and leeks. I’m a little late with the leeks. Should have done them in February but oh well. I’ve been successful with most things except the Chinese bitter melon and the heirloom cucumber. Maybe I should have soaked the seeds overnight first. They do have a hard shell. Darn! I just dug into the bitter melon pot to investigate. One have just broken out of the shell and I broke it in half. I hope the other 3 are ok. I’m quite awake now. I should have been more patient. I could order more seeds. There’s time.

TOMORROW

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I have fallen off the writing track. It was once my addiction, my meditation and my lifeline. Now it is a strenuous exercise, a has been and a difficult thing to resume. Tomorrow, I say. I will get back to it tomorrow. I have finally mustered enough will power to come to my keyboard. I’m tinkering with the letters and words. Can I make a sentence? Can I form a thought? Will my fingers find the magic and fly over the keys? Or will I fall back into my lament of another tomorrow?

Funny how easy it is to ‘being human’ and so difficult to ‘rise above it’. We use our humanness as an excuse. It is a good word. I’m only human. It is not my fault. It is all very true but how is it working for me? I’m reminded of Portia Nelson’s poem Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

I’m walking down Chapter 3 today. I can be grateful on seeing the hole. Habits are powerful and I am who I am. Falling is not a bad thing. It is the refusal to get up and out that is bad. Life is a long street. It’s not all a smooth walk. There’s holes in the sidewalk. It’s good to read all the chapters and learn the lessons. I hope this is another beginning of another long writing affair. Till tomorrow.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF…

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February 26th, day 26 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Our administrator suggests the topic of a day in the life of..YOU! He makes it sound exciting and since it is what I do anyways, I will carry on. It is my genre. My life does not seem exciting to me. I am bored though I am interested in many things. Can this be possible. This last stretch of February is for the birds. I’ve said this of other months also.

Today is March 1, 2021. As you can see I have bombed out of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I could not stretch myself to the finish line. I gave in to binging on Netflix. It was on a good series, Shetland. I fell in love with the characters, the Shetland Islands, Scotland and the stories of Ann Cleeve. I was hooked and could not help myself. Every day, after lunch and after my afternoon cross country ski, I would plop myself in front of my iMac with a cup of tea and a slice of Swedish thin bread. It was my matinee hour. It was ALL very addicting.

All that binging has made me feel very terrible because there was no possible end to it. That is until I came to the end of Season 3. That’s it. No more seasons of Shetland on Netflix Canada anyways. Now I’m in front of my keyboard with just a cup of tea, trying to tap away the angst of my withdrawal. I’ve still kept up with the100dayproject. I’m still sewing a logcabin quilt square a day. I have 30 squares now. I have also finished my cross stitch of Jesus I started many years ago. My fingers weren’t idle while watching Shetland. They were busy weaving in and out of those little squares. I can feel good about that.

I am happy, too, that I’ve kept up with the daily cross country skiing. Exercise and the great outdoors are good addictions. Otherwise, I don’t know what shape my head would be in. We went out to the Wildwood Golf Course this afternoon. I set my timer for a 20 minute ski out and then 20 minutes to get back. Having a set time gave me a sense of security that I can make it back to the parking lot.

I’m glad that I can wrap up the end of February and the Ultimate Blog Challenge with a final post, even if I’m a day late. I hate leaving things unfinished. It’s as if I don’t care and have given up. It is always good to care and give a damn. Things can get better. They can’t if we don’t care.