WAITING/MEANWHILE

So..I’ve had my first dental checkup and cleaning since Covid disturbed everything. I had been waiting till things got better but things keep getting worse instead. I ended up going when the numbers of positive are at the highest. But I do have both vaccinations. Looking at the news, the number of positives today is under 400, the lowest in over a week. Though I had a few misgivings about my appointment, I am glad I kept it. The hygienist and dentist were masked and had face shields on. We are all as well protected as possible. It is good for my mental and physical health to keep up the activities of daily living. The hygienist and I had good chats about gardening. We were a good fit.

I’m finally able to have my second cup of tea of the day. I had to wait a couple of hours after fluouride varnish was painted on my teeth. I wouldn’t think it’s such a long time except when I have to wait. Oh, but the tea is so good and warming. Just what I need. I’m having a bit of irksome day. I’m trying to work on my concentration and decluttering. It’s hard when the kitchen sink plugs up and the window venetian won’t open. Then there’s those pesky fruit flies. There seems to be swarms of them around the diningroom table. I’ve set out a glass of diluted wine to leer them away from the kitchen area.

I’m trying to be patient and not fret too much about these things. It’s quite unlike me. I think I am getting a little smarter. I want to work for and not against myself. I couldn’t let things be when they aren’t working. I spent the rest of the afternoon pouring kettle after kettle of boiling water down the kitchen sink in the basement. The trouble lies in that both upstairs and downstairs kitchen sinks are on the same drainage pipe. It leads to easily cloggage if we are not careful. We had to call the plumber last year. I’m hoping we can forego that this time. The hot water is helping a little. We need to do another round of enzyme down the drain tonight and cross our fingers and toes.

That was my muttering on Tuesday. Today is Friday. I’m still working on declogging the kitchen drain. We might have to call the plumber but for now I want to give it and my patience a chance. Nothing is easy or simple. Have I said that already? It is a cool but beautiful sunny morning. I’m looking forward to visit a farm with a high tunnel greenhouse this afternoon. Meanwhile, things are still looking good in our greenhouse. The lettuce I’ve transplanted are looking quite at home. There are 6 bitter melons at various growing stages. At long last I have one viable winter melon. They have been difficult to take. I had quite a few little ones started. I have not been successful at hand pollinating them. The tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers are still being quite productive. My harvest basket overflowth.

And so is my kitchen drain. It is still a problem but it is slowly getting better. It is also teaching me to look at problems in a different way. Problems are also solutions in themselves – if I have patience to wait, observe then try to solve. While I was/am waiting I clear and create a little bit of space in whichever corner I happen to be in.

ON THE TRAIN TO NOWHERE

I think I’m back on the train to nowhere again, at least for a little while. It’s nice to be at a standstill and get off the merry-go-round. It’s good to stop the spinning out of control, sit in my comforty chair, put my feet up and let my socks drop wherever they may. Who cares? It’s just be me, dropping one little care at a time.

I took most of the day off, can you believe it? Oh, I had to do a thing or two, like getting my car serviced. It’s been a year and 5 months since the last oil change. It was a must. As usual I got into a knot over it, doing the dreading it even in my sleep. But that’s me again. In my heart I knew it was a lot worse in my head than in reality. And it was. And I knew I would have a little trouble getting to the car dealership. That’s me also. So I didn’t sweat it too much when I got a bit off course and had to circle around. That’s what I do. It’s no catastrophe.

I had a pleasant hour plus wait for my car. It was a little disconcerting at first. People coming, going and talking. There was about 4 or 5 of us in the waiting room. We were all on our phones, with different body parts tapping, twitching, moving in various ways. I tried to read my murder mystery I bought along for the wait. It was difficult at first with so much visual and auditory stimuli around. It was the perfect setting to work on my concentration and focus.

I was not too hopeful for success but I surprised myself. I put my phone away,  opened my book and read and read – for an hour. Then Carl, my service advisor came and said my car was ready. Everything passed inspection. Just an oil change. Nothing else. Just $63.00 thank you very much. I was pleased as punch and skipped home in my just oiled and washed car.

I like this experience of sitting, resting, waiting, reading. So I fretted some. I got lost some. No big deal. I like dropping my socks wherever. I’m like that. So ends another day, day 21 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Ten days left but who’s counting.

BUMMED OUT – WAITING, WAITING

I’m bummed out. My parents’ insurance claim for hail damage on their house came through. I thought I would act quickly and not procrastinate. I called the roofers I’ve been using and got a message. “We are retired. Please call__ Roofers. Their men will be able to help you.” I was counting on the retired folks, a family business, so reliable,accountable, honest and easy to deal with.  A company I totally feel comfortable with and trusted. Someone had recommended them and I’ve used them a few times.  A good reputation is such a valuable asset. But bummers! I guess they deserve their retirement.  And I do call their recommendation. I get another message. “We are busy. Please leave a message.” I left one.

Not to be discouraged, I called another name. I got this message, “Due to the high volume of phone calls, please use text message or email to get hold of me.” I emailed. I will now wait . Life is difficult. Always wait, wait and wait. I should have looked for roofers while I was waiting for the insurance claim. But it is useless and stupid to ‘should have’ after the fact. If only we could back ourselves up like a VCR. But we can’t. I’ll just have some blueberry pie in the meantime.

In case you’re wondering what is the point of this post, there isn’t one. I’m just tap, tapping, releasing my angst. I rather think of it as brainstorming. I’m not harbouring all my frustrations. I’m opening myself up for ideas and solutions. It sounds good anyways. Sometimes it works. Julia Cameron talks about it in her Morning Pages. I type my pages and in the afternoon. I hope it will set me free. Maybe someone will call me back. Maybe…maybe.

 

THE TABLE IS SET

It is Friday and time for Friday Fictioneers with their tales of 100 words or so.  We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple.  You can join in if you feel so inclined.  This is my 100 words this week.

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PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright – Jan Wayne Fields

The sun had set.  Shadows danced on the walls in the gathering dusk.  He looked out into the empty courtyard.  The geraniums still bloomed a brilliant red but the trees were shedding their leaves.

The table was perfect – the crystal glasses, fine bone china, napkins, candles.  Champagne was chilling in the ice bucket.  Everything was ready.

He paced back and forth in front of the window.  Where was she?  Why can’t she be dependable or be on time for once in her life?  He was fuming inside.  He looked at his watch again.

A sense of unease came over him.

 

WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

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Autumn has come.  It is in the late rising sun, the cool crisp mornings, the golden falling leaves.  I feel it in the ache of my bones.  But I am finally here, tap, tapping at my keyboard.  It has been a long time since I’ve felt the rhythm returning to my fingers.

It hasn’t been easy, this waiting.  It has been full of un- ease and dis-ease.  Nothing stops except the flow of my words.  Life goes on, as the cliche goes.   But in the process, I have seen and learned the bare bones of life, of what is of the utmost importance.  It is not the money.  It is not the job.  It is not what people’s opinion of me.  It’s none of those things and yet I cannot articulate it in written words.  Yet I know and feel it in my marrow.

Perhaps it is this very moment that I’ve been waiting for, this moment of clarity.  I have been waiting for myself, to steal the words from Alice Walker, who wrote We Are the Ones We’ve Been Waiting For.  It is a book everyone should read.  Forever and a day, I have not thought of myself mattering.  Forever and a day, my identity is as a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a nurse, and no more.

The waiting is over.  I have arrived unto myself.  And it is good.  It is worth it.  I am worth it.

VENTURING OUT….on my tipping toes

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It has finally rained.  I am hoping the rain will ease my unease.  But I am still venturing out, stepping out even if it’s on my tipping toes…tentatively at first.  I will be more bold when I land and not fall, when I know that the shoe will not drop.

Last evening we rode our bikes all the way to Broadway.  I stopped traffic a couple of times but I did not fall.  Even though I knew I have time, I felt pressured.  So I got off my bike and walked it across the intersection.  I can do that…stop and walk across.

So many lessons I have learned from riding a bike.  I have time.  I can stop and do it another way.  So impatient I have been. I rush at life the way I used to ride a bike.  I don’t take the time….for directions, to listen, to look, to see….often interrupting, finishing other people’s words, sentences.  I am better now.  Sometimes I can remember to wait.

The raindrops are falling steadily now.  It is soothing.  I am sipping dandelion tea from my zen teacup.  My roast is in the oven.  The letter is in the mail.  I can wait.  I have time.