Day 121 – November 23, 2016@3:25 pm

Ta-Da!  My sweater is finished on the third go around.  I can’t recall when I bought the yarn or how long the last start sat in my knitting basket.  I do remember that it was before the Internet, Google and iPhones.  In short, a long time ago. Checking back through my Instagram photos, I started the latest version on August 15th, this year – a little over 3 months ago.  So I can start and go the whole 9 yards.  It feels good not to give up and quit, time and time again.

I do have this pattern of quitting on myself, not believing in my own worth.  I do things mostly for other people because I don’t want to be a selfish, self-centered person.  I did not understand that it is our nature to be self-ish wanting things for ourselves, to look after our needs, to want love and respect.  At almost 30, I gave up on part of myself.  I left a marriage but never sought a divorce, an ending to an end.  Why pay twice?  I was never going to marry again.  But I’ve paid more than twice for that decision in ways that I don’t even know.

I did not understand this necessity of finishing then.  I do now.  ‘It’ catches up with you and you have to write ‘the end’ somehow if you want to be free to live the life you want.  So – many years after and with divine help, I did write THE END to one chapter.  Now I can start on the next chapter, sweater or whatever, in whatever colour, pattern or stitch I want.  Knit one, purl one, knit two, purl two….THE END