FINISHING – day 121 in a year of…

Day 121 – November 23, 2016@3:25 pm

img_8488Ta-Da!  My sweater is finished on the third go around.  I can’t recall when I bought the yarn or how long the last start sat in my knitting basket.  I do remember that it was before the Internet, Google and iPhones.  In short, a long time ago. Checking back through my Instagram photos, I started the latest version on August 15th, this year – a little over 3 months ago.  So I can start and go the whole 9 yards.  It feels good not to give up and quit, time and time again.

I do have this pattern of quitting on myself, not believing in my own worth.  I do things mostly for other people because I don’t want to be a selfish, self-centered person.  I did not understand that it is our nature to be self-ish wanting things for ourselves, to look after our needs, to want love and respect.  At almost 30, I gave up on part of myself.  I left a marriage but never sought a divorce, an ending to an end.  Why pay twice?  I was never going to marry again.  But I’ve paid more than twice for that decision in ways that I don’t even know.

13975301_10153739861000887_8373373417371722067_oI did not understand this necessity of finishing then.  I do now.  ‘It’ catches up with you and you have to write ‘the end’ somehow if you want to be free to live the life you want.  So – many years after and with divine help, I did write THE END to one chapter.  Now I can start on the next chapter, sweater or whatever, in whatever colour, pattern or stitch I want.  Knit one, purl one, knit two, purl two….THE END

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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