Tag Archives: tedium

What do I Know for Sure

Posted on by
Reply

Day 7 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m scratching my head, not knowing how to start the day or write a post. What I know for sure is if I don’t make a move, nothing will happen. It is also very true simple as it sounds, it is not all that easy to make a move. Sometimes I feel/am immobilized, stuck to the chair, as if one wrong move could cost me and not in a good way. What I also know for sure is life is mostly filled with tedium. I’ve often wished there was a camp for adults like they have for children. I wouldn’t mind being taken care of totally.

I’m sure that you would like to slap me. I should do that myself to snap me out of this thinking. What I know for sure is in reality, I wouldn’t like to be totally dependent with no will. So, I’ve slowly and painfully making efforts. I’ve gone up and down the stairs a few time, taking needed stuff down and bringing needed things up. I’m killing two birds with one stone. I’ve boiled water for a second cup of tea, doing toe raises while waiting for the water to boil. I’ve thrown out the dill in the fridge. It was causing someone to complain about its taste getting into everything.

I’ve cooked the cassava that was hanging out forgotten for weeks in the fridge. It was a new thing introduced to me by our friends on coffee row. It was bought in excitement and quickly forgotten till now. The root is quite hard to cut but easily peeled. It boiled easily within 30 minutes. The aroma was mild and pleasant. It tasted delicious. A word of caution- cassava is poisonous eaten raw. Makes one think twice, doesn’t it?

I’m so glad that I made an effort to move. Thank you to Oprah for the phrase, what I know for sure. Do you know she’s written a book by that name? Having read just the first few pages, I am not in love with it though I am an Oprah fan. She sounded too privileged talking of “hanging out with a group of girlfriends in Mauri; I’ve just come back from India and wanted to have a spa retreat at my house to celebrate turning 58. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that. She’s earned it. Still, it didn’t sound right to me. What I know for sure is that I am not quite as big a fan of Oprah as I used to be. I am sure it is not breaking her heart.

LAST DAY

Posted on by
4
Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels.com

The last day of April. The last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I have to show up to wrap up though I don’t know where or how to begin. I am feeling the overwhelm of too many loose threads. My mind is far from being a clean slate, a blank canvas upon which I can paint/write the life I want. Instead it is a muddy eddy of scattered thoughts and memories. What are/were my goals, my wants and loves? They are not necessaily the same things.

I’m always eager and engaged at the beginning of any new endeavor. I feel focused and pumped. However, it doesn’t take long before my burst of enthusiasm develops a slow leak. I lose sight of the whole enchilada. I tread water, don’t show up, and/or write the same damn thing day in and day out. Sometimes I pride myself in just showing up/trying. I guess you can say I am beating myself up. That’s not it though. I’m giving myself a pep talk.

April and any given month is a hard month. And so are any given day. If I am being repetitive, so is life. There is a tediousness to almost everything. I/everyone have to work through that part. No one is exempt. How do you work through that? I heave and sigh alot. I make a cup of tea. Lately I had to change up on my cup size and kind of tea. I was getting too much caffeine. My heart was skipping a little too much and my lymph nodes swelling up. The change has been good but I still get cravings of my endless cup of Orange Pekoe tea. Listening to Caroline Myss on the Addict Archtype and Tara Brach on Letting Go helped alot. Writing about the tedium opens up the way out of it, too.

I’m not as morose as I sound. Really, I am not. It’s my way of working through hard spots and hard times. I’m not protesting too much. A friend reading my posts once offered me help and sanctuary because she thought I needed help. It was such a lovely and generous gesture. It’s a beautiful memory I have of her. Both she and her father were such a help to us when we first came to Canada. She walked me to school every morning and took me to Sunday school till I outgrew the need. I hope she still keeps an eye on me from Heaven.

TEDIUM – Day 43 in a year of …

Posted on by
Reply

IMG_6978The truth is life can be tedious, painfully so sometimes – like today.  There’s nothing to be done but to bear it.  I’m afraid I can’t grin.  It is entirely my own fault, having slept too much when we were in the woods.  It was so delicious, curled up in the soft fluffy comforter.  But when you sleep 9 – 10 hours each night for a couple of nights, it catches up with you.  You guess it.  I had a restless, not much sleep last night.

IMG_4658I’m paying for it today – feeling not quite kosher, achy, limbs heavy like cement.  Sheba does not understand ‘tired’.  When it is time for her walk, she barks and barks.  I have to get up.  I have to make the effort.  We go around the block.  She does her business.  She’s happy and we’re home.

I’m doing my business, too.  I’m moving one foot in front of the other.  I’m doing one thing at a time.  I disregard how I feel and move, however fast I can managed it.  At the end of the day, I can say:  I am not behind.  I’m right where I should be.  Some days even when everything in my body hurts and I’m as tired as all get out, it still feel good to move.  I guess you call it rising and answering the call.

I’m happy I’m still making it here.  Till tomorrow.