Tag Archives: righteousness

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

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IMG_0045What is the ultimate challenge?  For many it would be happiness.  And what does it mean to be happy?  When I think about happiness, the Doctor Phil phrase, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” would pop up in my mind.

And to be honest, I would have to tell you that I would rather be right.  It’s that puritanical, judgemental and stubborn streak in me.  How can I possibly compromise my honesty and integrity?

So can you guess what my ultimate challenge is? It is not all about blogging every day in April.  But the writing process helps.  I need to balance myself so that I do not jeopardize  my emotional and physical well being as well as my relationships because of this rigidity.  Life really is too short for righteousness to rule me.  What or who is right anyways?  We all see through different eyes.

I know I CAN rise to this challenge.  And what better time than spring to consciously work on goals and commitments?

 

ON IRRECONCILEABLE DIFFERENCES

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We are into the 21st day of Lent.  So far, so good.  I am still tranquil, peaceful and almost Buddha-like.  I am mixing my religion here.  And does it matter, the name we give to God, this spirit inside each of us.  Is a rose not a rose, by any other name?

There are so many things to think upon….so many sides to everything.  It is best not to dig too much or to dwell too much.  That is the course I have chosen for at least these days of Lent….just to feel what peace is like.  Maybe it is THE path to open-mindedness, an open heart, and forgiveness.

It is one thing for Dr. Phil to ask:  Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  I am stubborn.  I have a stiff neck as the Chinese would say.  I do not like to give in, to concede.  I want to be right.  My neck is very stiff.  Sometimes I feel like I’m choking with my righteousness.

I have to start where I am now, in these days of Lent.  I am accepting myself as I am…flawed, imperfect, human.  I forgive myself for being all that I am and will move forward one step at a time.

MY NEIGHBOUR’S KEEPER

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Be the change you want to see.  -Mahatma Gandhi

I am once again struggling to be better than what I am.  I am trying hard, to rise above myself, not to go where I have gone before….in judgement, righteousness, anger.  This being Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, I am setting on a new course, a new way of behaving.  I am being the light I want to see.

I see the snow from my neighbour’s garage heaped upon my garden.  Already I know that there will be flooding under my deck this spring without the extra helping.  I do feel a sense of resignation.  How many times have I already asked her not to help me out with her snow, even though she thinks she is doing me a favour?  But I see her hanyman on the roof and call out to him.  He would not acknowledge me till my second attempt, stating he will clean it up.

I was happy to hear that.  Sounded too easy.  It was too easy.  The cleanup was this.

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What to do?  I refuse to go to anger.  I have been there too many times already.  Each time I go there, I hurt myself more.  I poison myself more.  I reach into myself, remembering the first lesson from a Course in Miracles, and I say:

This pile of snow does not mean anything.  That house next door does not mean anything.  That person does not mean anything.  All these things does not mean anything.

My feelings of helplessness and resignation dissipate.  I see my neighbour’s face from my kitchen window.  She sees me.  Our eyes meet.  Her face is full of darkness.  I do not want to add to her darkness.  I do not want to feel her darkness.  I am not her keeper.

The snow will melt.  Maybe there will be flooding.  Maybe my foundation and basement flooring will get damaged again.  Those can be repaired.  Darkness in the soul cannot be so easily remedied.  Let me walk in light.