Tag Archives: ranting

Ranting

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The smoke certainly has thrown a monkey wrench into my plans for this week. I had decided to take this time off from the gym and work out in the yard and the gardens. There’s more than plenty to do. The front yard is a disaster with those creeping bellflowers taking over again. I put in alot of sweat and tears last summer digging and digging – to no avail. They’re still coming and coming. I’m not going to put myself out there, fighting them or anything else, in the smoke.

It is very frustrating to wake up again in this smoky haze. It is the middle of July and it is cool and grey. I am somewhat angry that we’re in all this. There’s still many who are denying and not talking about the climate change even those in power. We need to recognize this and talk about what needs to be done. It is, of course, easier to pretend nothing is wrong even though we are on fire. Grrrrr!

I could not handle being hampered and hemmed in and full of wrath. Not regarding what I said about the smoke, I went to the community garden with my masks. I harvested a bag of snowpeas, weeded a bit and watered our plots. After an early lunch, I drove out to the allotment garden with my masks and gloves. The gloves are for squishing potato beetles. And there were some. The potato leaves were not a pretty sight.

By now the air quality index is better but you can still smell the smoke and the sky is still grey. But the rant is out of me for this 15th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Tomorrow I shall tackle those creeping bellflowers.

potatoes
corn
beets
beans
peas

God Does Blink

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I’ve been a fan of Regina Brett for a long time now. I love her 50 Lessons from God Never Blinks. I love all the 50 lessons even though I do think God does blink. He, along with the rest of us, are human after all. That’s what I believe. We can’t be awake, alert and vigilant, unblinking 24/7. We all need some shut eye, even God. Here’s my take on some of the 50 lessons.

I do believe that life isn’t fair, but it is still good.

When I am in doubt, I move a little slower. Life is too short but I am human enough to hate someone sometimes. I try to cut it short though.

It’s hard not to take myself seriously. I am a serious person. I do know that my voice does not carry much weight with others. So I do need to take myself seriously.

I am very good at paying off my credit card every month. I do forget some months. That’s the human in me.

I don’t argue very much since my voice lacks weight. I just try to listen and not say much.

I seldom cry alone, never mind cry with someone. That’ll be another lesson for me to learn.

Yes, I get angry. I’m sure I’ve been angry with God. He’s not exempt from my wrath. Anger is very cathartic for me. It releases pent up anxiety and other bad energy. It helps me to rant about the worse case scenerio. And that could be: The sky is falling smothering us all. Or the earth can open up and swallow us up. In both cases, life ceases, pain ceases. End of problems. When I see that, somehow I feel calmer and can see clearer. I think, so what’s the problem here? God never promised us a rose garden or life forever.

Well, that’s enough ranting for one day. Maybe to be continued tomorrow.

DAY 16 UBC – CHINESE AIR FORCE DAY

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Chinese Air Force Day

It’s Friday, Chinese Air Force Day. You know – Fly day! Get it? I’m having a joke on myself. It’s good to laugh once in awhile even though I’m not the laughing kind of girl. I’m super serious. I was still in a ranting kind of mad about not asleeping well because of bright city lights this morning. What you get when you hang onto rants is not good at all. I learned it the hard way. This morning I was still constipated as all get up. I ate 2 prunes last night with no show. Then I ate 2 more this morning. It was difficult and painful. It was like having a baby! Sorry, too much information and sharing.

I’m somewhat better. I was late getting to the aerobics class this morning. My mind was all afluttered and distressed. I was still teed off and suffering the side effects of the sleeping pill. I had to pay more attention driving. I could have easily gotten into an accident. It was nice my classmates helped me assembled my equipment for the tabata class. I have to admit I didn’t give it my all. I faked some of the hard stuff but I still worked up a sweat.

After lunch I went shopping for black out drapery lining. Thanks to Martha DeMeo I learned something new. I never knew of such a thing before. Now I can make my windows totally light proof. I had a little trouble finding things but it prooved to be fun. I rambled away at another customer on a different search. I bounced off ideas on her. What do you think of this and that? It helps to have another input. While I was there, I picked out the hardware to put it on. The bonus was everything was 50% off. I didn’t do the cheapy thing like a true Chinese either. I treated myself with NICE.

I had hated to cover up my nice warm wooden framed windows with built in venetians. Now I am excited with doing an do over. Besides, sleeping is more important. I can solve a problem even if there is no cooperation. Life is good. Change is good. I have a new project. The material is heavy and nice enough. I can use it as the curtain. I can dress it up with some stitching or embroidery. I love the curtain rod. It’s a good accent. I am grateful for challenging times.

SHINE THE LIGHT

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I’m a little out of love with everything. I’ feeling a bit of a bad attitude creeping in. Let me talk about it. Let me tap it out. I hate to bring negativity to this space but I can’t feel sublime all the time. Feeling the ‘blues’ is part of normal life. It is for me. It offers a rest, a change of pace. I must be veering off my path a bit. It’s telling me I need to make an adjustment, a correction, a change in attitude. It is okay to rant a bit and exercise my lungs if nothing else. Who knows what good it could bring.

The thing that bug me yesterday was I spent an hour and a half at the doctor’s office for 10 minutes with the doctor. What else bugged me was my appointment was for 2:40. I showed up 10 minutes early as instructed. I waited and waited. A young woman walks in at 3:00 and says she has a 3:30 appointment with the same doctor. She was shown in right off – before me and another older woman. When I approached the receptionist about it, all she said was that I will be next. Wouldn’t that piss you off?

I didn’t complain to the doctor about it. He’s innocent. It is the office girls who rule the roost. I got my business taken care of and it was good. It was good that I didn’t get a parking ticket either. I had parked in a hurry and wasn’t sure that I was legal. Do you know how far you’re suppose to park from a fire hydrant? I googled when I got home. In Saskatoon, your vehicle should be at least 1 meter (3.28 feet) from the centre of the hydrant. In which case, I think I was legal.

We’re having a national election on October 21. The campaigns are nothing like the Americans, but still…There’s alot of rudeness and attacking all around during last night’s national debate. They do not set a fine example for young people. Mentors they are not. Difficult to feel hearten and have confidence in our leaders in this political climate. Talking about climate, I’m sick of all the attack on young Greta Thunberg by old and middle aged men. What is their agenda?

Then, yesterday was summer like – 20 degrees Celsius. Warm enough for shorts. This morning it snowed. The temperature was as high as 12 degrees Celsius. It is now 1 degree with a promise of -6. It was none too warm walking Sheba. I was thankful for my YWCA toque which I received for doing the 5K Shine the Light walk. Besides being warm, it would come in handy if it’s too dark to pick up her poop. Shine the light!

Eh! I think I got most the uglies out of me. I feel I don’t have it in me to show up every day for the Ultimate Blog Challenge this time around. I will do the best I can, show up when I can and shine when I can.

BEING BRAVE – BAH HUMBUG!

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I am myself again, ruminating and ranting. I find myself still dwelling over things I’ve said or shouldn’t have said. I see myself wringing and twisting my hands in my mind. Oh, I’m rude! I’ve hurt their feelings! Why couldn’t I have kept my mouth shut? But I’m talking back to this voice in my head. It doesn’t really matter! It’s only my obsessive over-inflated ego thinking what I say have any importance to anyone, especially to three learned professors. Just stop it!

I stopped the voice in my head. The thoughts echo and ricochet off  the edges of my mind. I sat back in my chair and sipped my decaf. It tasted pretty good with coconut milk. I travelled back to yesterday. The room was noisy with music and people chatter, the sounds of what Christmas luncheons are made of. Our salads arrived, then the pork tenderloin. They are making draws for door prizes. My name is called. I won 2 tickets to Persephone Theatre. Someone said that the play Treasure Island is very good. It is being held over.

I’m trying to drown out life’s miseries. They tend to come out and multiply with weddings, funerals and Christmases. I’m feeling very bah humbug this year. This feeling has been increasing each year. Now I’ve reached that crescendo – BAH HUMBUG! I’m exhausted listening to all the complaints of consumerism, blah, blah, blah. Complaints! Complaints! Complaints! And yet with all these complaint the practices are continued year after year. This year I’m stopping all that. I’ve stopped going to church because of all the bad stuff about religion. Now I’ve gone all the way. Now I’m truly brave.

Not that I’m feeling totally comfortable with my new bravery. I see certain looks on people’s faces after I’ve come out – those shifty eyes and uncertain careful voices. People betray alot with body language and facial expressions. I imagine I do, too. I can’t see myself but sometimes I catch my own reflection in others’ reaction. I could be happier if I was dumb and dumber. Ah, you can’t have everything in this world.

If you’ve caught a whisper of sarcasm and bitterness in my words, you got it. I am feeling that. It is my own sarcasm and bitterness, not directed at anyone else. There’s no harm in acknowledging my own feelings. The harm comes from holding them in and squishing them in my own body. There is nothing wrong with not celebrating Christmas. It is not a Chinese tradition though we’ve adopted it over the years. It’s truly a Charlie Brown kind of Christmas and not authenitically ours. I’ve felt like an imposter all these years.

If Christmas is about peace, goodwill and love towards all, I’m all for it. It should be celebrated every day. But do we need all the trappings? If you love ‘all that is Christmas’, it is okay with me, too. I have no objections to how others’ celebrate. I respect that. But the controversies and arguments about Christmas have killed some of that joy for me. That is not to say that I am a total joyless heathen. There is a tiny spark of hope for joy in me. I will bring out my own Bodhi tree. Sheba and I found it in the park last year. I had to fight her for it. There’s history here. It was already dead and no chopping down necessary. We didn’t pay any money for it either. Measuring up is not in our vocabulary.

 

 

MORNING PAGES – Day 77 in a year of…

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Day 77, October 7, 2016 @7:05

photo-on-2016-10-07-at-7-02-amI’m feeling a little grainy and ruffled this morning, not wanting to start at all. The morning is still dark.  It would be darker if not for the snow.  I feel weighed down with the heaviness of winter – snow, boots, hats, scarves, mitts… Winter!  It’s only October 7th. Maybe I will feel better after the effects of shovelling wears off.  Maybe it will warm up and autumn can resume for another couple of months.  Maybe.  Maybe.  Maybe.

There!  I have ventilated, letting out my heaviness.  Not exactly long enough to fit in with Julie Cameron’s Morning Pages.  It’s not 3 pages, not even 3 paragraphs of ranting.  I’m getting better, improving, not so long winded before I get going. Now I can concentrate on my glass half full.

Have you ranted?  Give it a try.  Do it any way that works for you.  No one has to know.

DON’T YOU WANT TO GET UNDONE?

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IMG_2229A beautiful day and warmer temperature at last!  Queen Sheba is basking in the sunshine.  I am, too.  One must take time to luxuriate when the opportunity/sun arises.

I have found the new year challenging.  How many times have I said it already?  I’m like a broken record that can’t be fixed.  I have taken to ranting to ease my discomfort and misery.  I hope it hasn’t been too loud or too much.  But the shadows and gremlins have been advancing on me.  It’s better to rant than to keep all that in.

Sometimes you need to rant.  Some things need to be said – the injustices, the cruelties, the senselessness and the killings of the world.  You can’t understand and there is no understanding.  There doesn’t seem to be any fix either.  Don’t you just hate all that?  I just hate that there’s no perfection, that the world is not peachy keen.  Though I’ve written many words on the virtues of imperfection, disregard all that.  In the words of Murray McLaughlan, I want to be undone.

Singin' don't you want to keep on moving
Don't you want to get undone
Don't you want to change from losing
Don't you want to have some fun

 

I want to keep on moving.  I want to get undone.  I like to have better luck and some fun.  I guess I will sing and keep on moving with Murray.  It’s a great song and he’s a great singer and writer.  And he’s Canadian.  I hope you will enjoy the song as much as I do.