I believe that when we are hit with an ‘aha’ moment we should give it due respect and pay attention.

The other day my mother phoned.  Could I make a doctor’s appointment for her.  My father had tried a couple of times but got a recording that says that you have to do it online.  I found it peculiar since not everyone, especially seniors have computers or have the know hows.  I phoned and the recording does say you have the option of making appointments online but if you press 0 or just hang on, you can speak to the receptionist.

I felt a bubble of irritation starting up at my father.  How could he not understand that since he got the online part?  In the same moment, I saw the flashing STOP sign in my head, telling me that this is how my father has been for many, many years.  Though he came to Canada as a young man in his early 20’s, he does not know the English language well at all.  He had made no provision for my mother to learn.

Sometimes I think he knows more than he lets on.  But he rather have somebody else do all these things so he doesn’t.  I have been the interpreter, making and taking them to appointments since I was about 9 years old. It has made me feel responsible for their health, happiness and total being.  No one can be responsible for somebody else’s all.  I have felt guilt and anger.

What are the chances that he would change now at 83?  None.  So why waste my energy getting angry and then feel like a very bad person/daughter?  I squashed that ugly bubble and made the appointment.  I told my mother how they can get through to the receptionist the next time.  I’m feeling grateful that he is still able to drive and be independent otherwise.  I am grateful that there are Chinese physicians here so that they can see their doctor on their own most of the time.  I am grateful that I can help my parents to be as independent as they are able to.

I am fortunate that I finally recognize that there are the things I can’t change.  I can now stop fretting, stressing, fuming, insisting that yes, things can change.  Some things cannot.  I can stop getting, being and staying in anger.  Having seen the light/stop sign, I can ease up, let go a bit and move on.  There will be, of course, days when I will fall back on old ways.  I will get righteous and indignant, insisting that other person change and behave the way I want.  I hope those occasions will come less and less.  Let there be patience and love.