THE THINGS I CAN’T CHANGE

I believe that when we are hit with an ‘aha’ moment we should give it due respect and pay attention.

The other day my mother phoned.  Could I make a doctor’s appointment for her.  My father had tried a couple of times but got a recording that says that you have to do it online.  I found it peculiar since not everyone, especially seniors have computers or have the know hows.  I phoned and the recording does say you have the option of making appointments online but if you press 0 or just hang on, you can speak to the receptionist.

bigstock-hand-making-a-stop-signal-sign-162901311I felt a bubble of irritation starting up at my father.  How could he not understand that since he got the online part?  In the same moment, I saw the flashing STOP sign in my head, telling me that this is how my father has been for many, many years.  Though he came to Canada as a young man in his early 20’s, he does not know the English language well at all.  He had made no provision for my mother to learn.

Sometimes I think he knows more than he lets on.  But he rather have somebody else do all these things so he doesn’t.  I have been the interpreter, making and taking them to appointments since I was about 9 years old. It has made me feel responsible for their health, happiness and total being.  No one can be responsible for somebody else’s all.  I have felt guilt and anger.

What are the chances that he would change now at 83?  None.  So why waste my energy getting angry and then feel like a very bad person/daughter?  I squashed that ugly bubble and made the appointment.  I told my mother how they can get through to the receptionist the next time.  I’m feeling grateful that he is still able to drive and be independent otherwise.  I am grateful that there are Chinese physicians here so that they can see their doctor on their own most of the time.  I am grateful that I can help my parents to be as independent as they are able to.

I am fortunate that I finally recognize that there are the things I can’t change.  I can now stop fretting, stressing, fuming, insisting that yes, things can change.  Some things cannot.  I can stop getting, being and staying in anger.  Having seen the light/stop sign, I can ease up, let go a bit and move on.  There will be, of course, days when I will fall back on old ways.  I will get righteous and indignant, insisting that other person change and behave the way I want.  I hope those occasions will come less and less.  Let there be patience and love.

 

 

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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3 Responses to THE THINGS I CAN’T CHANGE

  1. doreeweller says:

    Good for you having that wonderful insight. It’s so freeing when you realize you can’t change others. Saw you on the Ultimate Blog Challenge and I thought I’d check out your page. 🙂

    • hafong says:

      Thank you Doree! I’ve checked your page, too! 🙂 I was in Lake Havasu last Feb. and loved it. Like what I see on your page. Will have to come back and read some of your fiction. I do a bit of Flash Fiction. It’s very therapeutic.

      Lily

      • doreeweller says:

        Excellent. I have a few fiction pieces available online. The links are under “Publication Credits.” I’d love to hear what you think. Arizona is a great place.

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