AFTER THE PARTY

partyAfter the party is over, after all the drinks are gone, after all the speeches have been spoken, after everyone has gone home… We can relax and let our smiles fall. We can take our shoes off and drop our clothes on the floor.  We can sigh, breathe and let our shoulders drop. We can wash the weariness off our faces, smile again, remembering the moments, faces, toasts and stories, feeling grateful that we have friends and family to invite and share.

After the party is over, after we can take no more, after we have come home, we can let our faces fall.  We undress, hang up our clothes and stumble to the bathroom.  Under the warm shower, we breathe and sigh with relief and contentment.  We smile at the memories, stories and happy faces, feeling grateful to be invited.

mountainjpgAfter the journey is over and the dog collected, after the bags are unloaded, after a cup of tea and a glass of wine, after a meal cooked and ate, after a good night’s sleep…..After the bags are unpacked, the clothes laundered and hung, I am able to sit here, feet up, tap, tapping on the keyboard, feeling grateful for the journey, the hills and valleys, the laughter, the tears and the people who travelled with me.

THE YEAR OF THE GOAT

Chinese New Year is coming on February 19th.  It’s the year of the goat.  I’m thinking of my roots, where I come from.  I have travelled away far and a long time from my homeland.  It resides still in my heart.

Our HouseI’m remembering our house in the village.  It was built with money my grandfather sent from Gold Mountain.  It was two storied with a cupula on top.  I loved climbing up the stairs and emerging from it to play on the roof.  It was where I saw my ghosts. My mother told me they were our ancestors and no need to be afraid.

3 GrandmasI have memories of chasing chickens around the courtyard.  Our house was big, being a Gold Mountain house.  We lived in one half and my grandfather’s brother’s family lived in the other half.  We were a household of women and children.  The men were over- seas working and sending money home.  The only adult man is the household was my grandfather’s brother.  That’s how it was. We sustained and supported each other.

Down the lane was another Gold Mountain house.  My grandfather’s other two brothers’ families lived there.  Just like us, they were a household of women and children.  We were all overseered by my grandfather’s one brother.  But in reality, it was the women who took care of him.

chinese cupcakesClose to Chinese New Year, memories of New Year’s Eve come to me.  I am snug in my bed of wooden planks and a wooden block for a pillow.  I don’t recall the hardness or the discomfort of such a bed.   But being in winter, it was probably lined with a quilt.  In my mind’s eye, I see the flames as the women tended the fire through the night to cook the pastries for the celebration.  I feel such contentment and security.  That memory is such a blessing to have.  It nourishes me through all of life.

So here’s an early toast to the year of the goat.  Gong Hee Fat Choy!

 

DREAMS, MEMORIES AND FATE

I’m scribbling on the deck again.  That’s what you do if you don’t have a laptop.  It’s a perfect afternoon to sit out here and enjoy a beer.  But I better do my writing first, if I want to make sense with my tenses.  I wonder if it’s a Chinese thing – not being correct with my tenses.

The melody of the theme song from the Titanic ‘My Heart Will Go On’ had inspired me to write my post In My Dreams for Friday Fictioneers.  Yes, I heard Celine Dione’s voice in my head, too. The music lifted me high above the clouds and I touched Mr. Moon’s face.  It felt so real.  It was magical.

You know what they say about dreams.  If you can dream/imagine it, it can come true. Those are one kind of dreams.  Then there are the kind that are harbingers of the future.  I believe in dreams.  I am very superstitious, like all Chinese.  I cross my slippers to ward off ghosts.

My uncle and me on each side of the grandmother. My mother and elder uncle behind us.

My uncle and me on each side of the grandmother. My mother and elder uncle behind us.

My mother had such a dream the night before my accident.  She dreamt of a one-armed girl. The next day I had my accident. I did not lose an arm, but it got badly burned.  I had been playing in the courtyard with my uncle.  He was only a year older than me.  We were chasing and harassing the chickens when we were called in to have some sweet taro root soup.

We fought over the biggest bowl.  I grabbed at it, knocking it over and spilling the hot, sticky soup over my left arm.  It was winter and I had on a sweater with long sleeves. My mother had trouble getting me out of it.

I have memories of chasing chickens, being at the table and grabbing at the bowl, but none of the impact.  Nature has a way of protecting us from unbearable pain.  Now, even the memories are just a memory and not the real thing.

My arm would not heal no matter how many remedies my mother and the aunties tried. My mother said I was very well behaved.  I did not fussed nor cried.  I only said it hurt. Finally someone told my mother to take me to the city and see a doctor. In the early 50’s and in rural China, medical attention was not common.

My mother hired a bicycle taxi and took me to the hospital in Taisan, Guangdong. I remembered going through arches to the hospital and that our taxi driver was not very skilled.  It took a few visits before my arm finally healed. It scarred half my forearm, from elbow down.  Still, I was lucky I had full mobility of the arm.

In a sense, my mother’s dream came true or you can say that she was warned of impending danger.  But what good did it do?  It still happened. It was fate.

 

SATURDAY MORNING COMING DOWN

It’s Saturday morning, grey and overcast.  No sun yet.  It evokes in me feelings from the song, Sunday Morning Coming Down – nostalgia and hung over, feelings of  a misspent youth, and memories of early university days.

Yes, those days were somewhat misspent but not wasted.  No, I never finished and got a degree.  But it was an education all the same.  And it was fun in a painful sort of way.  I got to explore the world, getting lost and found and lost again but not forever.  I got to taste the bitter along with the sweet.  I discovered I had appeal but never believed it.

I was a fool and a saint.  I was an innocent and innocent of the fact.  Someone up there looked after me!  And I came out alright.

It is Saturday morning and it is snowing tiny snow flakes.  Enough of nostalgia and wallowing in memories.  On with the day.  Forward, march!

I KNEW IT WAS MY LAST DAY THERE

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The snow on the ground this morning made me think of my first time to Ghana, land of palm trees and warm beaches, being close to the equator.

Here I am, with my own chief, sitting on the balcony of our chalet, facing the ocean, creating my own photo memory.  I knew it was my last day there.

Pictures flashed through my mind – the woman in her black Benz on the red clay road, the son who thanked me and the balloon-filled sky as Nana drove towards the airport.

I remembered I was a woman of grace.  I am still.