Tag Archives: love

FOR LOVE OF SHEBA

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Sheba WaitingI am not a dog person by nature.  When this unexpected visitor came, I did not expect that we would have such a long love affair.  Seven  years later, we are still going strong.

She taught me about unconditional love.  She showed me I had a heart.  She was such a beautiful baby that I could not give her up, no matter how hard and tough the going was.

So we muddled through the years – the cold and snow in winter, the slush and mud in spring, the dirt in summer and colours of autumn, the season of her birth.

STRUGGLES

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The day has broken.  I struggle out of bed and struggle through my qigong  routines.  Such is life.  How many mornings have I gotten out of bed now?  And how many times have I done my qigong exercises?  You think I would have perfected both that I could do them in my sleep!

But surprise and no surprise, it isn’t so.  We never reach that perfection point of no struggle…while we are still breathing.  Perhaps it is a good thing.  Otherwise, we would stop reaching for the moon, the stars, for something better or just different.  We would stop growing and developing into new possibilities.

And so I sigh and sip my coffee and suffer my little discomforts.  I massage my sore tight spots.  I breathe out my angst and inhale the goodness of the universe.  I let go of my judgements and let in the love.

If I am to live in this world, I have to be of this world.  We are all the same.  We are the dancers.  Our struggle is the dance.  It matters how we dance.  Let my dance be the tango.

COFFEE WITH MY MOTHER

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What really matters to me is that I am able to give back to my mother what she has given to me….love and attention.  So when she tells me that she is missing her sister and that she is feeling so not all right and could I take her out for coffee, it is my pleasure to do so.

I had been wondering how she would deal with my auntie’s death.  Even though they were separated by many miles, they spoke frequently on the telephone up to 2 weeks before my auntie’s death.  By then she was not herself anymore.  She was sometimes confused and angry, hitting and scratching at my cousins, too weak to speak with my mother.  But she died peacefully at home.

My mother was a bit surprised by her own grief.  She felt a bit ashamed of her ‘weakness’.  She said that all her siblings were like that.  My uncles all cried unabashedly at the funeral.  When someone said that they shouldn’t be crying because my aunt was, after all 93, they cried all the harder.  So that’s my mother’s side of the family.  They lived in each others’ hearts.

My coffee times with my mother are somewhat akin to Tuesdays with Morrie.  It’s been a long time since I have read the book, but I remember that those Tuesdays were filled with love, communication and acceptance.  That’s how I feel about my time I spent with my mother.  She is a great storyteller and a very wise woman despite her lack of formal education.  I am who I am because of my mother.  And it is a wonderful thing.

A NEW DAWN

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A new day dawnsIt is another morning, just a week before Christmas.  I’ve just finished another 12 hour night shift.  I am tired and not in the best of spirits.  It is not the way I want to go to sleep, on a bad note.  So here I am tapping out my words and feelings.  Sheba makes it hard, being pesky and wanting to play.  But it is not a bad thing, wanting to play.  Play can help cleanse the toxin from me.

And so we play a little tug of war with her rope.  She is pretty strong, hanging on with her teeth, shaking her head and growling playfully.  I let her win a few rounds.  Then she gets a bone to chew outside.  She is pretty easy to please.  Play and food always work.  Too bad that we are not so predictable!  Life would be so much easier.

So I am feeling much better.  Sheba and words work most of the time for me.  It is a difficult journey to be a good, decent human being but I am trying hard.  I am remembering Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements.  What better time of the year to be tested than now?

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I am remembering another Christmas when I was experiencing the same emotions as now.  Words then help me through.  This is the letter that I posted for my very good email friends.  They are still my very good friends even though we aren’t as much in touch now.

 
“What a lucky girl am I to be receiving two sunrises from men from different parts of the world in recent days..  Of course, being -30 C in my neck of the woods,, I prefer the one from the land of palm trees and the home of all mankind.  It shows the sun rising above the horizon, casting a warm glow, bringing a promise of a new day of possibilities.

And so the pain in my chest has eased and once more I can breathe and sigh again.  Life is complex and sometimes puzzling and so are people.  Things are not always black and white.  Even gray has many shades.  And so I learn that I do not have to choose either or.  I do not have to throw the baby out with the bath water.  There’s always a middle ground and that friendship is many a splendoured thing.  Forgiveness is very freeing.  Love is all encompassing….peace everlasting.”

I saved those words, perhaps knowing they will help me again.  And so they have.  I am free. And it is another dawn, full of God’s splendour.