IS IT TRUE?

Photo on 2014-07-21 at 2.29 PMYesterday, I discovered exercise was the best medicine for my nervous jumping heart.  I was grateful for the loud music next door that pushed me onto my bike.  It was nice my SO (Significant Other) accompanied me.  We headed off to the library.

I kept my nervousness to myself.  No point voicing it, giving it strength.  I inhaled and exhaled.  I pedalled, pumping my legs up and down.  I saw them as pistons firing smoothly, moving the blood through my heart chambers, then out to the rest of my body.  I was safe.

We are at the library.  I find 2 books by my favourite kick-ass author, Janet Evanovich, Notorious Nineteen and Smokin’ Seventeen.  The titles alone give off more energy than spinach.  Look out, Popeye!  Wait, I’m not done yet.  Here is Olivia Chow’s memoir, My Journey waiting for me.  I hope she will win the mayorship of Toronto.  That Rob Ford need to be ousted.  You must know who he is.  He has been talked about on all the late shows in the U.S.A. – Kimmel, Letterman, Jon Stewart….

I found Amy Tan’s The Valley of Amazement in the next aisle.  I discovered her through the movie, The Joy Luck Club.  Reading her memoir, The Opposite of Fate, was like finding myself.  I recognized myself in her, my mother in her mother Daisy.  The lives of Chinese immigrants in America had the same familiar ringtone – even Olivia Chow’s.  I felt that Amy and Olivia were like my sisters.

I found one more book I could not resist – Byron Katie’s I Need Your Love – Is That True? I know, I know.  I wasn’t going to read any more self-help books for awhile but who could resist a topic like love.  And she asked a good question, Is it true?

photo curtesy of Rod McLaren

photo curtesy of Rod McLaren

Now I am done.  We load my treasures in my SO’s cargo bike and head for home.  I am relaxed, breathing in and out, pedalling easy and steady, not rushing, not worrying, not anxious.  My heart is in its place.  It’s pumping rhythmically in even strokes.  It’s singing that everything is fine.  And it is true.

 

DON’T KICK MY ASS

image from Amazon.ca

image from Amazon.ca

Today was a no kick-ass day.  The only ass kicking was done was by Stephanie Plum and her side kick, Lulu, two characters from Janet Evanovich’s detective series.  I spent some hours reading Fearless Fourteen.

Her books are a good read when you are low and need a picker upper.  It’s hard to stay down with all the action and humour.  How can you not smirk and laugh out loud at this:

“Lulu is a former ‘ho turned bonds office file clerk and wheelman.  She’s a plus-size black woman who likes to squash herself into too small clothes featuring animal print and spandex.  Lulu’s cup runneth over from head to toe.”

See what I mean?  It works for me almost every time, even today.

Today was after a night of sleeplessness. I got a couple of hours but I wouldn’t call it sleep.  It was filled with fitful dreams.  Not restful at all.  I haven’t had one of these for a long time but I am familiar with them.  It used to be the norm in my 34 plus years of shift work.

I had hoped on doing a major decluttering but like all plans it was dashed.  I felt hung over, stretched out, spent.  There was no karate chopping today.  My best today was learning from Stephanie and Lulu as they stormed and sped through the pages, getting their man/woman.  I didn’t waste time trying to be a heroine.  Instead, I gathered energy by living through them.  Did I somehow, unconsciously planned this – to have some guilt-free idle time?

IMG_6635I must be innocent.  I feel wretched but not guilty.  Even Sheba is feeling the lazy today. She’s dragging after me with just a few dispirited barks through the day.  I wonder if it was the moon last night, lighting up too many dark corners, keeping me awake.  Let me sleep tonight, Mr. Moon.