Tag Archives: if wishes were horses

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Some days I like to give up and give in to my desire to just sit and be. It feels like such a luxury and it is these days. Still I wish but wishes are horses even on a Sunday. Shortly after breakfast, I received a text from my sister saying that our father does not appear to have had a shingles vaccine. He has pain around his belly where he’s been scratching. His blood pressure is 200/100. Do I have time to help her take him to the mediclinic?

So off we went to the mediclinic – again. It’s been like that for us this past year. We are frequent flyers with our father since our mother’s passing. The good thing is that we don’t have to wait long since he’s over 90. We get in right away. He does have shingles even though he did get the vaccine in 2020. His blood pressure was down in the clinic. It was a quick trip. We were in and out with a prescription for antivirals and ointment for a few red spots and scratches on the side of his belly. The pain was not too bad, my father says. It felt like ants gnawing. I’m praying it will pass quickly and uneventfully.

We are fortunate to have our parents for so long, losing mom just last year. There’s a price. Their health fragile in these late years, requiring many medical appointments. It seems so difficult to have long periods of peace nowadays. I do hate when the phone rings. I’ve reconciled myself to that’s what life is now. Accept and proceed day by day and do the best I can. I can do that.

IF WISHES WERE HORSES

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The prompt today for Susannah Conway’s December Reflections is: on my wish list. It caused me pause for reflection. Have I ever wished for anything? None that I can remember for eons and eons. Oh yes, There was a time when I was young with hormones and desires. I think I yearned for romance but not with a house, picket fence and kids. It wasn’t that I didn’t want them. They just hadn’t enter my mind. Neither did I think about how to get the romance. I just wished and sighed. It took some time for me to realize that nothing comes out of just wishing and a-hoping.

As I’ve said before, I wasn’t born into the Christmas and Santa Claus story. I’ve never had a wishlist. I don’t have one now. It would be a good exercise for me to make a list of what I really, really want. It would be really, really tough. It was easier when I was a child. I wanted to ride a bicycle. I wanted to learn how to swim. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t then. Maybe it was because we were new immigrants and didn’t have enough money. But in high school my dad bought me a blue 1954 Ford. It had an automatic transmission. I was not a good driver. I kept flooding it. A bicycle would have given me more joy.

I guess I did put those 2 items on my adult wishlist. I’ve learned to ride a bike and how to swim. I am not excellent at them but now have a few bikes and bathing suits. Having a list isn’t all that important. Knowing myself is. I’m not interested in acquiring things as much as I want to acquire skills. Cross country skiing wasn’t on top of any list. They’ve been in my closet for 30 some years. I wasn’t really itching to bring them out. The guy brought them out into open. I said I would give them a try.

The snow fell and fell and the Covid-19 numbers climbed and climbed. Sunday’s Covid stats was pretty scary – 4 deaths and 415 new cases. Today’s – 1 death and 274 new cases. It’s best to stay out of the gym and into the park. Staying upright on those 2 sticks gave me a sense of purpose. Falling down is no humiliation. Getting up is a triumph. I feel like Rocky/Sylvester Stallone on skis. I’m not gliding smoothly along – yet. It is something to work toward. Having goals/wishlist is most desirable in maintaining mental health.

I’m happy to return to this space to tap out a few words, ideas and maybe some inspiration. It’s very grounding to put thoughts to words and to see them march across the screen. Nothing can happen in a vacuum. Action is needed. You need to rub 2 stones to create a spark which can light a fire.

IF WISHES WERE HORSES

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photoSome days any thing and every thing irritates and pisses me off.  I think today is one of those days.  It is as if I’ve forgotten to put on my wine tinted glasses.  I feel like snarling at the world.  Oh yea, I keep it to myself, that is up to now.  But then this is really about me – a monolgue between me, myself and I.

So don’t take it personally or seriously.  After all, it is just a mood.  It will pass.   Meanwhile, I might as well use it to fuel myself into action.  I feel as if I need a stick of dynamite to get me going.  This feeling of inertia can fool me sometimes. It plays jokes on me frequently.   Even though I feel like a puddle of jello, I haven’t really been sitting on my ass and picking my nose.

I have been moving, however slow I may feel.  I have 6 jars of spaghetti sauce to show for it.  A load of towels have been through the washing machine.   Sheba has been around a block or two, then brushed and defurred somewhat and the floors vacuumed of her sheddings.  It has taken me all day to do it.  Not that I am exhausted or anything, BUT…

horse race

image from google.ca

Wish I could be more efficient.  Wish I could be more exuberant.  Wish I do not have these episodes of puddledom.  If wishes were horses, where would I be?  I would be riding on the winds of elation, clearing hurdle after hurdle.  I would be riding to win the Freakness.  I would be riding to freedom.

I’m almost there now.  It is almost within my grasp.  My horse is kicking up the dust.  I am standing up in the stirrups.  The wind is whistling in my ears.  The crowd is but a blur but I can hear them cheering me on.

AND I AM OVER THE FINISH LINE!

If wishes were horses, I could do a lot of things – like ride to the moon and play among the stars. Doesn’t that sound just lovely?  Though wishes are not horses, I am over the finish line.  I am riding the ride, chanting the I CAN, I CAN rant.  Rah, rah, rah!  My fingers are flying across the keyboard, tapping out the letters, the words, and the story.

OK, life, what the hell do you want from me?  Get off my back.  I am living and writing as best as I can.  Your mountains are pretty steep and your valleys get so low.  I am tiring of singing “Aint no mountain high enough”.  I’m no Diana Ross.  I’m calling you.  I could use some help – a break or two.  I won’t hold my breath.  While I’m waiting, I’ll carry on as best I am able.