DAY 31 – THE FINISH LINE

The Finish Line

At long last the end of the road. This is it for the Ultimate Blog Challenge in October. I’ve done a good job. I did what I said I was going to do – my best. I had a beginning, middle and an end. I had goals. They gave me directions each day. They led me to the finish line.

There were days when I faltered, when I didn’t feel like it, when I was tired, when I was…blah, blah, blah. Sometimes I am just full of excuses, but I pushed through them this month. I have many unfinished projects. I have this bad habit of incompleteness, unable to follow through even on simple things. That’s why I am such a clutter bug. I don’t put things away. I don’t throw things away. I don’t…You get the drift. This writing challenge has helped me to see this part of myself. I can now move on to do some corrections.

A fellow challenger had a post on the benefits of making lists. It resonated with me. I kept the post up on my tab for many a days. I would read it again and again. It appealed to me. I saw the value of what was said. Though I never did make lists literally, I made them in my head. I would decide a few things that I would do for that particular day. I was not religious about it. I didn’t do it every day but I did it enough that it came back again and again.

That’s the thing. If we do healthy actions regularly, they would become habits. When they do, we wouldn’t have to struggle so much in doing the right thing. Life would be easier. We would be healthier and happier. That’s the end products I’m aiming for. These days of writing regularly made me more aware of my thoughts and feelings. I pay more attention to what I say and do. I ask myself more questions. Do I want to say/do this? Do I need to say/do that? What difference would it make? I think questioning has made me wiser and choose better ways of being. It made me see that I had been doing the same thing over and over. Yet I was expecting a different outcome. Dummkopf!

I am in the honeymoon phase of enlightenment. It’s like being in the throes of first love. I hope I won’t crash. I know it is possible. I have had that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even if I do, I know the landing will be softer this time. For now, I will enjoy my euphoria. I saw the big fat moon last night. I saw it again this morning. I even saw the stars. We are stardust. We are golden. Song of Joni Mitchell.

IF WISHES WERE HORSES

photoSome days any thing and every thing irritates and pisses me off.  I think today is one of those days.  It is as if I’ve forgotten to put on my wine tinted glasses.  I feel like snarling at the world.  Oh yea, I keep it to myself, that is up to now.  But then this is really about me – a monolgue between me, myself and I.

So don’t take it personally or seriously.  After all, it is just a mood.  It will pass.   Meanwhile, I might as well use it to fuel myself into action.  I feel as if I need a stick of dynamite to get me going.  This feeling of inertia can fool me sometimes. It plays jokes on me frequently.   Even though I feel like a puddle of jello, I haven’t really been sitting on my ass and picking my nose.

I have been moving, however slow I may feel.  I have 6 jars of spaghetti sauce to show for it.  A load of towels have been through the washing machine.   Sheba has been around a block or two, then brushed and defurred somewhat and the floors vacuumed of her sheddings.  It has taken me all day to do it.  Not that I am exhausted or anything, BUT…

horse race
image from google.ca

Wish I could be more efficient.  Wish I could be more exuberant.  Wish I do not have these episodes of puddledom.  If wishes were horses, where would I be?  I would be riding on the winds of elation, clearing hurdle after hurdle.  I would be riding to win the Freakness.  I would be riding to freedom.

I’m almost there now.  It is almost within my grasp.  My horse is kicking up the dust.  I am standing up in the stirrups.  The wind is whistling in my ears.  The crowd is but a blur but I can hear them cheering me on.

AND I AM OVER THE FINISH LINE!

If wishes were horses, I could do a lot of things – like ride to the moon and play among the stars. Doesn’t that sound just lovely?  Though wishes are not horses, I am over the finish line.  I am riding the ride, chanting the I CAN, I CAN rant.  Rah, rah, rah!  My fingers are flying across the keyboard, tapping out the letters, the words, and the story.

OK, life, what the hell do you want from me?  Get off my back.  I am living and writing as best as I can.  Your mountains are pretty steep and your valleys get so low.  I am tiring of singing “Aint no mountain high enough”.  I’m no Diana Ross.  I’m calling you.  I could use some help – a break or two.  I won’t hold my breath.  While I’m waiting, I’ll carry on as best I am able.