Tag Archives: holy

40 Days, 40 Nights

Posted on by
Reply

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I haven’t observe Lent for quite awhile now. Yesterday I was hit by a desire to go into the desert and see if I could find Jesus again. Lo and behold, I find that Lent starts today. I am not sure how I am going to spend the next 40 days and 40 nights. I have my own beliefs of the holy. I have my own way of prayers. All I know is that I have not felt the holy, the awe for such a long time. I miss it and feel lonely without it.

The world is such a strange place to me now. So much evil have come to light. We knew of them deep in our hearts before. It was easy, comfortable and safe not to acknowledge them. Now, there’s nowhere to hide. They are so awful I want to vomit. I want to shout and wail, How could they? Why? All that for power, money and sex? All that for ego? Who are we, these creatures that hurt and kill each other and ourselves?

I hope to find some peace and answers in the quiet of the desert. If not Jesus, maybe I will find my mother and my ancestors who can help me find some comfort. It’s come to me that I can spend these days cleaning within and without. It is said that cleanliness is next to holiness. I believe it. I have so much to tend to in these 40 days and nights.

HOLY SILENCE

Posted on by
1

I shed more of doing today to contemplate on what is holy within me. I survived without being connected and doing all the time. I tried just being with me today, observing what’s around me. It was not as difficult as I thought. It felt strange at times, especially in the morning. I like the quiet, the time before the world wakes. But it’s been a long time since I’ve just sat. I usually bury myself in a book. So on this day of purposedly entering into ‘holy silence’, I’m fidgety. How am I going to get there?

To settle myself, I did my morning qigong routine that I have abandoned in my busyness. Returning to the familiar movements eased my discomfort. In the flow came the memory of my trip to Halifax in 2002. I had experienced my holy silence on the campus of Mount St. Vincent University. I was looking up at the Motherhouse and the large cross on its top. I saw Jesus on the cross and I felt his warm arms around my shoulders. A silence fell around me but I could hear birds singing and the hum of a lawnmower in the distance. It was surreal.

Maybe it wasn’t what it was. It could have been just the stress of travelling on my own. It was strange how I ended up in Halifax and renting a car. I get lost alot, even at home. But I got to Mount St. Vincent without a hitch from the airport. Strange that I couldn’t figure out how to work the radio on my rented Kia. It took some effort to figure out the wipers, but under the duress of rain one night, I got lucky or a miracle. My week was driving in silence from Nova Scotia, across the Confederation Bridge into Prince Edward Island. It was a holy trip in holy silence. Only then, I had not been aware. Now I do. Hallelujah.

What did I do the rest of the day? I hung out, just being, sitting in my sanctuary on the deck, sipping tea. I watered the garden, making many trips filling the watering can with stored rainwater. I picked some beans and peas. I pulled some weeds. Then Sheba and I picked our raspberries. There was no hurry at all. I had no thoughts. I listened now and again to see if there was any incoming messages in the air. There was none. Only silence. Maybe they’re still on the way. I did realized while I was looking around that I have been living mostly in my head. I am in this physical world but I am not often of it – until today.

Today I let go of my usual ‘doingness’. I let go of the Internet and went into my Innernet to search what is holy within me.